Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified Swokes Swokes 1 (Yeb Yeb Adem'thorn)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified Swokes Swokes 1 (Yeb Yeb Adem'thorn)

  • Nominated by: Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:34, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Got too big for the CAN page.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Clone Commander Lee Talk 19:01, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  2. --Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 22:34, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Voting now! Voting now! ~SavageBOB sig 15:47, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 17:54, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Menkooroo 18:02, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:25, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge
  • Is "NOTOC" still needed?
  • The Swokes Swokes was present with Adem'thorn and another Swokes Swokes that year To make this sentence flow better, could you replace the second "Swokes Swokes" with "another member of his species" or something like this?
  • Same for the bio.
  • The Swokes Swokes individual raised his arms when the vote was presented. Please make it clearer what it has to do with the P&T or remove it.
  • Otherwise very good work. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:47, December 20, 2011 (UTC)
Swokes
  • There's something just slightly off about the intro... it takes a couple of read-throughs to realize that the Swokes Swokes is on Coruscant. Can you establish where he is before getting into Amidala?
  • Kinda similar in the bio; you establish that they're in the Senate Building, but the mention of the repulsorpod doesn't come until after the stuff about Amidala. Maybe best to get all of their location info down first; otherwise the repulsorpod mention seems a little like "By the way, they're in a repulsorpod..."
  • Speaking of location: Can you mention and link Grand Convocation Chamber somewhere?
  • Can you make a link from Amidala requesting aid to calling the Vote of No Confidence? A short explanation why she called it?
  • As with Ellberger, it doesn't really add anything to the article to simply rehash the entire "Sources" section in "Behind the scenes." Being pictured in an Insider article doesn't seem noteworthy enough to merit a mention in the prose.
  • Good work on getting this blob to the GAN page! Menkooroo 03:50, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'm going to go fix these objections on the other guy as well.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:38, December 23, 2011 (UTC)
  • Awesome stuff! I'm just wondering now if the intro can be a little shorter, as it's practically the size of the bio. Are there any details that can be removed? Maybe the stuff about the Trade Federation; simply mentioning the Vote of No Confidence might be enough. See what you think. Menkooroo 22:05, December 24, 2011 (UTC)
  • Also: Found a better picture of him at StarWars.com Encyclopedia Galactic Senate in the Encyclopedia (original site is defunct). Merry CHRISTMAS. Menkooroo 05:04, December 25, 2011 (UTC)
Jangeth
  • To keep the sourcing consistent, can you change the CSWE link in reference 3 to the specific entry?
    • Added, I am not sure if I did it right, since it was in the timeline at the start of the book.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 13:44, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
      • If you're trying to source the date 32 BBY only, then it's best to source it accordingly with a different source. In this case, NEC would be an option. If not, I don't see an issue with the current sourcing. Good job. JangFett (Talk) 17:53, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
  • I'm not sure why you're mentioning "During the year 32 BBY" and then "In the year 32 BBY" later on in the bio. All these events take place in the year 32 BBY, as mentioned in the bio, so stating this twice does seem redundant. JangFett (Talk) 00:10, December 27, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • As a preliminary point, I object to the inclusion of the "possible" CSWE picture in the Sources list, which is tantamount to outright speculation. If you want to make note of this possibility in the BTS, that's one thing, but this doesn't belong in the Sources list. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:05, December 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • Perhaps this is a bit nitpicky, but I think we should find a different way to word this sentence. Saying he "sometimes" raised his arms, etc., suggests that he did this on multiple occasions, when in fact, AFAIK, we only have canonical evidence of him doing it once. See if you can't find a way to tweak this in that interest: "The Swokes Swokes individual sometimes responded to events by the raising of arms..." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:18, December 30, 2011 (UTC)
    • Hmm, I am having trouble thinking of a good way to word this. Perhaps the P&T is unnecessary and I should just move the parts about him wearing a green robe and his physical description into the biography section. What do you think?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:52, December 30, 2011 (UTC)
      • I think that stuff still belongs in the P/T. I'm thinking the change to this sentence could be as simple as just saying, for example, "The Swokes Swokes individual responded to Amidala's call for the vote by raising his arms." That way we're only referencing that singular instance. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:38, December 30, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:25, December 31, 2011 (UTC)