Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Unidentified New Republic commander

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Unidentified New Republic commander

• Nominated by: QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 11:39, 25 March 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Tried to get to a FA, but stuck at 800 words.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

1. Kilson Likes PIE 13:00, 29 March 09 (UTC)
2. CC7567 ^(talk) 21:02, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
3. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 11:41, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
4. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 07:39, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
5. Cylka^-talk- 18:14, 11 May 2009 (UTC)
6. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 19:50, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. Chack Attack:
   • The intro starts off really suddenly. Mention the date to try to give some context to help the reader out.
     • Reworded a bit.
   • "After that, when Jade was stationed aboard the New Republic Corellian Corvette, guarding the holocron and thinking of her new assignment being very boring, the commander was able to persuade her that it was very important by telling her that otherwise the New Republic leader Mon Mothma wouldn't have sent Jade on that mission." This sentence reads really awkwardly. Please split/fix this. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 22:36, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
     • See below. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 20:37, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
2. Cylka:
   • He then briefed Katarn's apprentice, Mara Jade on her mission to contact the criminal lord Ka'Pa the Hutt and then contacted her on the intercom while she was guarding a Jedi holocron aboard a New Republic Corellian Corvette - This reads a bit awkwardly and doesn't give the reader a sense of the progression of events.
     • See below.
   • I think a little context on Palpatine's campaign in 10 ABY needs to be added.
     • Addressed.
   • I believe that you should add in what Delta 3 is and how it is connected to Altyr 5.
     • The game doesn't really specify what Delta 3 is. It could be a planet, an asteroid, a smaller base on Altyr 5 itself, etc. Therefore, I don't think any context could be added.
   • With Katarn gone to investigate a Sith Temple on the planet Dromund Kaas, the commander assigned Jade to a mission vital for the New Republic. He told Jade to contact Ka'Pa the Hutt, a notorious criminal, in order to convince him to give the New Republic some badly needed supplies in exchange for the amnesty for all his crimes - There isn't much of a lead in for this statement since the previous paragraph ended with Katarn destroying the asteroid, and the evacuation of the base.
     • Addressed. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 19:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
   • The last paragraph, the one about Jade guarding the holocron, seems to have absolutely nothing to do with the commander. I know that in the P/T you give it some context, but you need to tie that paragraph to the commander in the biography as well.
     • See below.
   • Although he is not directly seen contacting Jade, the voice from the intercom is the same as commander's. - You are using this as a reference, but how do you know it is the same? Are you basing this on your own observations, or something else? If this is your opinion, then it is considered OR.
     • Yes, I based this on my own observations. I was certain that it was him when I played the game. However, after doing some research, I've found that Brendan Holmes is credited as portraying "the voice on the intercom". Even if it is not the same voice that was heard on the Corvette (there are actually several intercoms in the game), I think I have no proof that it was the commander who contacted Jade. That being said, I removed the part about the holocron altogether. Next time, I'll try to avoid such speculations. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 20:37, 5 April 2009 (UTC)
   • The first two sentences in the P/T talk about him being an experienced leader, but I'm not sure what the rest of the sentences in that section are supposed to tell me about him. His leadership qualities, or something else? Could you make this a bit clearer, please.
     • I think you are right. It was a bit stretched. I've removed anything unnecessary, leaving only the sentence about his coordination of defenses. However, the one-sentence long P&T looked ugly, so I integrated it into the biography. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 12:25, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
       • Actually, I don't think that you needed to get rid of that second part of the P/T. I was actually looking for you to expand upon it. Maybe tying it into his leadership qualities. I don't think it was stretched at all, it just needed to be expanded on a bit. Cylka^-talk- 02:16, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
         • Allright. P&T restored/expanded. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 13:38, 3 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Other than that, good work. Cylka^-talk- 22:40, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
3. Attack of the Clone I
   • "During the reborn Emperor Palpatine's campaign": campaign of what? It sounds like it's an election, but I'm not too sure.
     • Clarified.
   • Delta 3 needs context.
     • As I said in response to Cylka's objection, there is really no context. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 12:25, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
       • Ah, I see. CC7567 ^(talk) 18:33, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
   • "as indicated by his ability not to panic despite overwhelming odds": the "ability not to panic" should be changed to something clearer.
     • The sentence is integrated into the biography, without the "ability not to panic". QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 12:25, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
       • Except that the character's article does require a P&T section; it seems like there's enough information to do so, and it doesn't need to be removed. Please restore it (and edit if necessary). CC7567 ^(talk) 18:33, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
         • The article "ideally requires a P&T section if information is available". And after checking the P&T in response to Cylka's objection, I figured out that the only real piece of information that relates to this guy and that could be interpreted as his P&T was that he could "calmly coordinate the defenses". And I don't think these four words deserve their own section, especially since they can be easily integrated into the biography. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 20:45, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
           • Okay; I understand. CC7567 ^(talk) 21:02, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
   • Article looks great otherwise. CC7567 ^(talk) 02:54, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
4. Is there an article on the Altyr V base itself? If not, one should be created and linked to. - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 09:30, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
   • Created a stub. Linked to it as well. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 12:24, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
5. Soresu
   • Gender and species should be in the intro.
     • Addressed.
   • A dab of context on Altyr 5 in the intro.
     • Provided.
   • "Badly needed" is POV. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 11:23, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
     • I don't think so. He says in the cutscene that "the Republic is in desperate need of supplies", which, I guess, is synonymical to badly needed. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 11:38, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

• The main image is kinda weird, but given how bad graphics were back then, I'll assume that that's that best you can do. Kilson Likes PIE 13:00, 29 March 09 (UTC)
  • You are right. The graphics in MotS were crap, especially in cutscenes. Too bad they didn't make the live-action ones like in the original game. QuiGonJinn^{There's always a bigger fish.} 17:24, 29 March 2009 (UTC)
    • Tell me about, it would have been awesome to see Mara Jade in live action. Kilson Likes PIE 13:29, 29 March 09 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:43, 12 May 2009 (UTC)