Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Tera Sinube's lightsaber

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Tera Sinube's lightsaber

  • Nominated by: TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 03:03, April 25, 2016 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Adapted the legends page into the canon, which was a former good article. Then I updated the necessary parts and added legends info to the "behind the scenes".

(0 ECs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Manoof (talk) 07:17, May 12, 2016 (UTC)

Object

Manoof
  • Please use FacebookCite for that facebook reference. It should still work even if it is a note rather than a status update. If you need help with a screenshot please ask. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
    • Done. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 17:10, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
      • Good work. Just a note, when you upload a social media screenshot, add it to the Wookieepedia:Social media screenshots page. I've done it for you here, so you can see how it works (simply add the file and then the description). It just stops the wiki from thinking it's an orphan file and getting deleted. Manoof (talk) 22:29, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
  • You have a lot of images, maybe cut out one or two. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
  • Canon articles don't use the era attribute, as this describes the legends publishing era. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
  • Rewrite the first sentence in description. As it is, you are associating his age with the fact he used a lightsaber, rather than that it was also a mobility aid. Maybe something like "The Cosian Jedi Master Tera Sinube utilized a lightsaber which, due to his advanced age, was a specialized device that was also a walking stick."Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
  • The second sentence doesn't make much sense, and also needs to be rewritten. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
    • To clarify, there's ALOT of breaks in the sentence created by explaining things. Maybe look at breaking the sentence into two parts?
  • Reference 7 and 8 need to be fixed, they don't tell us enough. You need to mention a source that gives the start of the clones wars 22 years before the battle of yavin. Once you have that information, both references can be fixed. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
  • You should mention that Tano's lightsaber was retrieved from Cryar, as well as that Cryar was not killed. Maybe just a line like "The jedi then retrieved the lightsaber from the unconscious thief" Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
  • Context on a few things. When you mention something for the first time, let us know a little about it. For example, that Coruscant is a planet or the species of each of the characters. The idea is I shouldn't have to click on something to find out what it is talking about in the article I'm already on. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
    • Changed a few things (explained Clone Wars, Coruscant; added "Jedi Knight" Anakin Skywalker and "Padawan" Bariss Offee). See if there is still need for change. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 13:45, May 7, 2016 (UTC)
      • I'll strike this and bring anything up as new points. Manoof (talk) 22:59, May 7, 2016 (UTC)
  • Make sure everything in the infobox appears in the article body somewhere. For example, you say the weapon is custom made in the infobox and introduction, but I can't see it in the article itself. Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
    • I think the article's description part pretty much covers everything from the infobox (also states "a specialized device" to clear the saber's custom-made status). If you are talking about "date created" part, it is not an info from a specific source, just dates when we first saw it (which is also mentioned in behind-the-scenes). Can you please explain which info you want to see more specificity? Or if you want to, please feel free to edit yourself. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 02:47, May 8, 2016 (UTC)
      • Ok, you specifically say it was handcrafted. In the body you only say it was a specialized device, which indicates it is custom made. You need to settle on one wording, as while they are all synonyms, they have different meanings that convey different things. I can get something custom-made, but that doesn't mean it is handcrafted. I can also get a specialized device that is mass-produced. I don't have the ultimate star wars book, which is what is referenced, but I would check that and use whatever wording they use. Manoof (talk) 04:36, May 8, 2016 (UTC)
        • The term "hancrafted" is not particularly about Tera Sinube's lightsaber. It was used for all lightsabers in Ultimate Star Wars. You can also see it in other canon lightsaber pages (like Dooku's, Darth Maul's, Mace Windu's etc.). That's why I didn't add it to the article, because it is not a specification. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 03:15, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
          • If that's what the source says, that is fine, but you still need to add it into the body though. As mentioned, those alternate words can have different meanings. Handcrafted suggests that it was made by hand. Custom suggests it was a special order, with specific manufacturing specifications/needs that require the special order. Specialized suggests it has a specific purpose for a specific need. See my suggestion below, I think I have the solution to adding it in. Manoof (talk) 09:19, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
      • If you want to keep the info in the date created, you need to specify somewhere in the article that same information. Namely, that it was created sometime before the battle of saleucemi. You don't mention saleucemi at all, which I would assume is the first chronological time we see it. The History section should start with that. Manoof (talk) 04:36, May 8, 2016 (UTC)
        • Yes, it has first appeared just before the Battle of Saleucami (during the briefing before the battle). But I didn't mention it because we just see Sinube with his walking stick for aboUt ten seconds. in the background. If you stiil think it is needed to mention, I suggest adding a small line like "Dated back to before the Battle of Saleucami". What do you think? TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 03:15, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
          • Simply "Crafted before the battle of saleucami" is sufficient. The briefing may have occurred minutes or hours before the battle, and the battle is easier to reference. Open with that in the history. To retain all the information in the first sentence without adding a separate sentence you could say "Handcrafted(reference for being handcrafted) before the battle of saleucami,(reference for the battle) Jedi Master Tera Sinube utilized a specialized lightsaber which, due to his age, was both a crutch and a lightsaber.(current reference)" This solves the above issue as well by mentioning it is handcrafted. Manoof (talk) 09:19, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
          • The sentence you suggest is very nice and solves the problem, but it is the first sentense of "description", not "history". TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 13:42, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
            • Sorry, my mistake! Since I believe the information of the weapons origin should be in history, maybe replacing the first two sentences with "Tera Sinube's lightsaber was crafted sometime before the battle of saleucami,[Reference] a conflict during the pangalactic Clone Wars which pitted the Galactic Republic against the Separatist Alliance. Tera Sinube utilized his lightsaber while on a quest to find the missing lightsaber of Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano on the world of Coruscant, eventually finding the Terrelian Jango Jumper Cassie Cryar in possession of Tano's weapon." Manoof (talk) 08:30, May 11, 2016 (UTC)
  • Reference 6 doesn't mention a source at all. The statement you have is fine, but you should add something like "needed, as demonstrated in [source sidious], [source yoda] and [source maul] respectively." Manoof (talk) 12:11, May 6, 2016 (UTC)
    • I couldn't find any canon source for Sidious (only possible appearance was in Lords of the Sith, but found no evidence that he carried his stick with him), so I removed him and added sources for Yoda and Maul as you suggested. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 02:56, May 7, 2016 (UTC)
  • "Later in the war, around 20 years before the Battle of Yavin" has a problem. You haven't mentioned any war at this point, so that doesn't make sense. You could say something like "In the second year of the clone wars, a conflict between the galactic republic and the confederacy of independent systems,...". This way you could also just reference Star Wars everything you need to know. Manoof (talk) 22:59, May 7, 2016 (UTC)
    • Changed it as you suggested, except the Clone Wars "explanation". It seemed unnecessary because there is a similar sentence in the introduction: "a conflict that pitted the Republic against the Separatists" TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 00:35, May 8, 2016 (UTC)
      • It's one of those things that is treated independently from the introduction, like the first link rule. You haven't explained it in the body, so it hasn't been explained. I know it seems like it has been explained already, but the introduction is there for a brief overview. If you like you could remove that mention in the introduction and have it just in the body, or have it in both, I leave that up to you. As to the reference, you can remove the last bit leaving just the source book, since at the moment you essentially explain in the reference what you tell us in the article. Manoof (talk) 02:18, May 8, 2016 (UTC)
  • I've just noticed this (and I should have noticed earlier sorry) that the events you describe as taking place in 22 BBY can't use that attribute, since that is when the clone wars started, not when the events took place. Since we don't have a date of when the episode took place canonically (that I can see), you're probably better off saying "Sometime after the commencement of the clone wars in 22 BBY" and using that same attribute. You may have to rearrange stuff in the history section so it runs chronologically. this link places it between two episodes which can be placed to 21 bby, so personally I'd put it there. Template:TCWdates places the events of lightsaber lost in 21 BBY, so you know where to place it chronologically. Just don't attribute a date to that since those sources are legends material. Almost there! Manoof (talk) 04:36, May 8, 2016 (UTC)
    • Changed it! Now it is just "during the Clone Wars". TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 02:45, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
      • Good work! Manoof (talk) 09:19, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
  • I notice you only reference events from two episodes in the history section (three when we add the mention of it's first appearance. For each episode, is the lightsaber utilized in a meaningful way? If so, the events should be added to the section. Manoof (talk) 09:19, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
    • As you can see, most of them are flashbacks from other episodes. He used his lightsaber in only two episodes. These are the other appearances that I didn't see worth to add: "Secret Weapons: Present during to briefing of the D-Squad", "Sabotage: Walking around in the Jedi Temple", "The Jedi Who Knew Too Much: Attending the Jedi funeral", "The Big Bang: Present during Anakin & Obi-Wan's holo-report from Utapau" TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders AnilSerifoglu (talk) 13:32, May 10, 2016 (UTC)
      • Cool, just wanted to check. Manoof (talk) 08:30, May 11, 2016 (UTC)
Cav
  • My main concern with this article is how closely it is copied from the Legends version of the article with only minor alterations. I would suggest overhauling the article as much as possible to make it as distinct from the Legends version as possible. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 22:04, June 4, 2016 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Idle objection well over two weeks old. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 17:28, July 1, 2016 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Exiled Jedi (talk) 23:47, July 1, 2016 (UTC)
  3. ACvote IFYLOFD (Talk) 23:58, July 1, 2016 (UTC)