Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Susalee

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Susalee

Nominated by: Panther436 (talk) 01:08, 27 August 2023 (UTC)
Nomination comments: A pretty straightforward tie-in nom with Lonto.
Date Archived: 16:58, 11 October 2023 (UTC)
Final word count: 1020 words (157 introduction, 767 body, 96 behind the scenes)
WookieeProject (optional): WP:THR, WP:COMICS

(2 ACs/1 Users/3 Total)

(Votes required: 1 AC vote(s) required to reach minimum. Additional 1 user or 1 AC vote required to pass.)

Support

Very clean, nice work. JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 05:42, 4 October 2023 (UTC)
OOM 224 (he/him) 14:15, 9 October 2023 (UTC)
Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 20:14, 10 October 2023 (UTC)

Object

Lew

~~The BTS is missing where/when Susalee was identified by name~~ Lewisr (talk) 02:25, 30 August 2023 (UTC)
- Added now, thank you!! Panther436 (talk) 03:51, 30 August 2023 (UTC)
  - You're welcome! Lewisr (talk) 04:23, 30 August 2023 (UTC)
~~Cavan Scott has kindly revealed that Susalee's species is also Lonto, so that will need to be made and mentioned in the intro and body. As a sidenote, this will also need to be mentioned on Lonto too~~ Lewisr (talk) 07:10, 1 October 2023 (UTC)
- It appears that Lonto only is a species according to Cavan, so that'll need tweaking on Susalee and then the Lonto page itself Lewisr (talk) 12:14, 1 October 2023 (UTC)
  - This has been updated/changed Panther436 (talk) 04:37, 7 October 2023 (UTC)
The phase needs to be mentioned in the bts (this also should be added to Lonto) Lewisr (talk) 03:16, 11 October 2023 (UTC)
- Added but I had a question: would "Phase II" technically be a redlink?
  - This has been discussed before from what I've seen, I think the intent is to make individual phase pages but until such point leaving it unlinked is fine. Can always be linked at a later point Lewisr (talk) 15:10, 11 October 2023 (UTC)
So after discussing with another AC, we came to the decision that the species note should really be mentioned in the BTS. An unfortunate side effect of this is that as a result the nom is going to over the word count, so you'll have to renom as a FAN eventually after your current one passes Lewisr (talk) 03:15, 11 October 2023 (UTC)
- Alright I figured that might happen. Can I just get my current Perry FAN taken down to put this one up? Do I need to ask someone else about that? Panther436 (talk) 14:40, 11 October 2023 (UTC)
  - Sure that's perfectly fine, I can get the Perry FAN taken down (along with this one) and then you can put this up for FAN after Lewisr (talk) 15:10, 11 October 2023 (UTC)

Macaroni

~~The infobox image should be cropped/tweaked to fit the entire width of the infobox.~~ JediMasterMacaroni^(Talk) 04:33, 24 September 2023 (UTC)
- Done Panther436 (talk) 16:50, 24 September 2023 (UTC)

OOM

~~Sorry if I'm sounding nitpicking here! You've done a marvellous job. The article is missing a mention of the triangular blue ornament on her forehead as well as the colour of her lips, however.~~
- Added (btw it's not nitpicking at all! I really appreciate your review and help!)
~~I'd say it's worth specifying that her eyes were dark blue and the length of her hair, as well as how it's tied up.~~
- Added
"Susalee was also present when the Path of the Open Hand cult petitioned for the disbandment of the Convocation and defended the Lonto from the Path's Herald" — Not clear as to who the subject is in the second part of this sentence. A first-time reader might ask: is it Susalee or was it the Path who defended the Lonto?
- Changed
~~Prepositions: the intro says "on the Convocation of the Force," but the article says "in the Convocation of the Force." — Which one's correct?~~
- I think both work here but I changed it to on for consistency.
~~The first sentence of the second paragraph ("Susalee defended the Yacombe") is a bit too long.~~
- Split
~~I'm not sure if I understand these correctly:~~
"Around that time, a number of religious artifacts were stolen across all of the Holy City, which, according to the Jedi Padawan Matthea Cathley, Susalee believed may have been carried out by spice runners to use as collateral for their deals." — Did Susalee or Cathley believe this reason for the theft?

"Mac tried to resist the treatment, but Cathley insisted that he go along with it and listen to her instructions." — Who is "her" referring to?

"She revealed to him that Archivist Zumeg had died in the explosion" — Who is "she"? The quote seems to suggest Susalee but the placement of the sentence seems to suggest Cathley. Same for the next sentence, "She also told him that the Guardians of the Whills […]"
- Changed and clarified the subjects for all three of these
~~"Jedi Master Leebon attempted to talk her down but failed." — What happened in the end? It would be good to give some kind of conclusion to the events.~~
- How it ends isn't addressed in the comic. Leebon tells Susalee to stop, she doesn't, and then it cuts away and Susalee isn't ever brought up again.
  - Hmm, I see. Maybe a general summary about the outcome of Battle of Jedha, then, so readers at least get a vague idea of the significance of the events? OOM 224 (he/him) 07:47, 7 October 2023 (UTC)
    - I added a little sentence of just what I think is relevant about the Path. The rest of the battle is a whole other can of worms honestly Panther436 (talk) 17:07, 7 October 2023 (UTC)
      - Fab, that'll do nicely. OOM 224 (he/him) 14:15, 9 October 2023 (UTC)
Quotes: I think you should shuffle the placement of quotes a little so that they're more appropriate for the sections they're in. The current lead quote, for example, isn't really representative of Susalee's character since she's under the Leveller's influence. The current quote for the "Personality and traits" section also doesn't show much of Susalee's personality.
- Changed/moved the quotes
(Review note) Punctuation in the Quote template—no need for full stops/periods at the end, and generally a comma is necessary to separate the names of the speakers from what they're talking about.
- Thanks
~~As an aside, I think the article can afford to have the images enlarged; I personally think they're a wee bit on the small side.~~ OOM 224 (he/him) 15:57, 6 October 2023 (UTC)
- Enlarged Panther436 (talk) 04:34, 7 October 2023 (UTC)