Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Sunchoo

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Sunchoo

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 23:56, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
  2. Jinzler 19:31, May 4, 2011 (UTC)
  3. Inqvote Menkooroo 11:55, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:42, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
  5. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:54, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Kilson
  • Just a note: I added a couple of other categories to the article. If you're going to write other Wookiee articles, you should familiarize yourself with these. They're pretty common for Wookiee articles.
  • In the Intro, "...she was about to taken off the planet by the Neimoidian when she encountered youngling Jaylen Kos and Jedi Master Bant Eerin's Padawan during their search for Dane." You should replace "encountered" with "was freed" or "was rescued" by the Jedi. Also, you should mention she joined their search for Dane.
  • In the bio, "...she was already in possession of Bankor and was being taken away from Kashyyyk." The way you phrase the sentence, it makes it sound that Sunchoo owned Bankor, which doesn't seem to be correct. Please change this sentence.
  • You need to reorganize the Bio a bit. First, you should say she was born in 64 BBY, and that she was later captured by the bounty hunter from her village on Kashyyyk. Afterwards, say, "By 21 BBY, during the Clone Wars, Bankor already had possession of her." Or something along those lines.
  • You say in the P&t that Sunchoo owed a Life debt to the Jedi. You should incorporate this in the Bio.
  • In the P&t, "Sunchoo, while young, was seen by her elders as very mature for her age." Since she was 43, you should say, "while considered young by Wookiee standards."
    • Are you sure? I mean, we don't say Luke was considered young by Human standards when he left Tatooine.
      • I see you have a point.
  • After you have addressed these, I will start on the Bts. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 04:03, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
  • I noticed you italicized Decide Your Own Destiny when you first mentioned it in the Bts but not the second time you mentioned it. Which is it, italicized or not italicized?
  • In the Bts, "The Jedi pair then has a choice to make: to confront Bankor about Sunchoo or stay with the Neimoidian, who has threatened to leave..." Don't you mean the Toydarian, not the Neimoidian?
  • "...he brings them to a cantina to meet another who is searching Dane." I believe you should clarify this as "another Bounty Hunter" or something similar.
  • This isn't an objection, but I would recommend creating an article for the redlink. Otherwise, good work on the article. I realized these Decide Your Own Destiny articles must be a bit difficult. :) Kilson(Let's have a chat) 23:26, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
Jinzler
  • You should mention that the spaceport that she was taken to was located in the Kashyyyk Royal City
  • You should mention that Bankor's MagnaGuards attempted to force her aboard his starship (p. 89)
  • You should mention in the “Personality and traits” section that she knew the forests of Kashyyyk well (p. 27)
  • It might be worth mentioning that in one strand, the Padawan considered Sunchoo to have repaid her Life Debt, by handing herself in to Dane and helping the Jedi complete their mission (p.112)
  • You might want to consider mentioning that Eerin's Padawan planned to return to Kashyyyk after the end of the Clone Wars, to introduced Ahsoka Tano to Sunchoo (p. 113)
  • You mention in the BTS that The Way of the Jedi “was based on the Star Wars: The Clone Wars film.” This seems to suggest that the novel was an adaptation of the film, which it wasn't, so you may want to reword this.
  • Nice work, I look forward to seeing more Decide Your Destiny articles from you in the future. --Jinzler 17:21, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
    • It seems like that's my thing now :P Thanks for the review! Bonslywizard Naboo (Send a transmission) 22:07, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
      • You're welcome! I will support the nomination when Kilson finishes his review. --Jinzler 22:26, May 3, 2011 (UTC)
Moonchoo
  • It's my understanding that Star Wars Annual 2011 only dates a small amount of TCW material at precisely 21 BBY. For TCW material that isn't explicitly noted in the Annual, "Around 21 BBY" or "C. 21 BBY" is usually best practice, such as in here. Unless the Annual does explicitly mention this book, in which case, shut my mouth.
    • Apologize for interjecting here, but because The Way of the Jedi takes concurrently with the Battle of Christophsis and Battle of Teth (which are dated in the Annual as 21 BBY), this book actually is confirmed to take place in 21 BBY. So "21 BBY" can actually be used in "c. 21 BBY" in this case, but yeah, Menkooroo's right—that's not usually the case with TCW dating, as much as I'd like it to be. CC7567 (talk) 03:31, May 13, 2011 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the info! I've edited Sunchoo accordingly --- that is, reverted my date-edits back to the way that Bonsly originally had it. ^^ Menkooroo 06:36, May 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • Can you establish some more basic biographical facts about her at the beginning of the bio? ie, the planet and village she lived on and in.
  • was even willing to turn herself in to bounty hunters if needed. Can you elaborate on this a bit more? ie, why it would be needed?
  • I think the bts would be better if the subsection "Alternative outcomes" were jettisoned. Since the non-sub-sectioned part is a single sentence, it's not really enough info to warrant being separated from the rest. A simple, large "Behind the scenes" section with no subsections would probably be be best.
  • The final paragraph of the bts jumps between past and present tense --- can you consistitize it?
  • The final paragraph of the bts is pretty long. Can you maybe split it up? "If the reader chooses to listen to Sunchoo" might be a good place to do it; I'd recommend adding a bit, though, to explicitly state that you're talking about her offer to turn herself in.
  • Check out the changes I made to your references. Writing <ref name="Jedi" /> rather than <ref name="Jedi"></ref> for everything after the first time you reference it is much simpler and is actually required by Wookieepedia's sourcing policy. Menkooroo 14:16, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
    • Will do. All should be fixed, and thanks for the review! Bonslywizard Naboo (Send a transmission) 02:02, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
      • Good show! I added Kashyyyk to the "homeworld" field of the infobox, as she's a Wookiee who lives there. Maybe you left it out because we don't know about her birth, but "homeworld" doesn't always mean "place of birth." I also removed an "even" from Personality & traits, as using it sometimes kinda borders on point-of-view. Better to be safe than sorry.
  • Also, I have one final suggestion: Is there a line of Sunchoo's from one of the alternative story strands that you could use for a leading quote of "Behind the scenes?"Menkooroo 12:53, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
    • Added, but after the few lines of bts before recounting possible strands, which I'm not sure is allowed. =/ Bonslywizard Naboo (Send a transmission) 00:43, May 15, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • For the sake of quick-glance ease of reference for our readers, I think the BTS would benefit from a subsection header divider after the end of the first paragraph, where it begins detailing all the alternative outcomes. Consequently, "Alternative outcomes" would be an appropriate title. Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:34, May 17, 2011 (UTC)
    • Well, this is strange. Earlier, Menk advised I should remove the "alternative outcomes" header I already had. I think I'd rather have a header than not, but I'm not sure what to do if something like this happens. o__O Bonslywizard Naboo (Send a transmission) 00:18, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
      • It's fine now, as the first paragraph is now longer than one sentence. The header looked kinda ugly before with a one-line paragraph preceding it, but it'd be fine now. Menkooroo 12:02, May 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • One more minor thing. I feel like there should probably be an article for Crovan Dane's ship, as there seems to be enough significant information involving it. You're welcome to create the article if you want, but please at least leave a redlink for it in this article. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:03, May 19, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:58, May 20, 2011 (UTC)