Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Skirmish at Jamiron

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Skirmish at Jamiron

  • Nominated by: BloodOfIrizi Sabine Starbird (talk) 00:53, 25 December 2022 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: if you google the definiton of "girlboss", a picture of Ar'alani shows up
  • Date Archived: 00:36, 11 March 2023 (UTC)
  • Final word count: 665 words (196 introduction, 445 body, 24 behind the scenes)
  • Word count at nomination time: 855 words (195 introduction, 636 body, 24 behind the scenes)
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:Chiss WP:Novels

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

(Votes required: No additional votes required to pass, please consider reviewing another article.)

Support

  1. ACvote —spookywillowwtalk 01:54, 3 March 2023 (UTC)
  2. Welcome back! :) Nice work. Samonic Signatureicon (Talk) 11:51, 10 March 2023 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Ayrehead02 (talk) 12:00, 10 March 2023 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Master FredceriqueCommerce Guild(talk) (he/him) 23:55, 10 March 2023 (UTC)
  5. Dentface (talk) 00:29, 11 March 2023 (UTC)

Object

Samonic
  • Chiss Ascendancy crisis is conjectural. You don't identify this conflict as a crisis in the body. Context for plasma spheres in the intro. (eg. weapons that disabled starships) Jixtus being the coordinator of the Grysks should also be mentioned in the article's body. In the body, you should mention that Ar'alani was the Vigilant's commander when you first mention the war vessel. First officer shouldn't be capitalized. "Skirmish" shouldn't be capitalized in the BtS.
    • all done
  • I don't think you have to mention the Nine Ruling Families and the Forty in the intro. Just saying that Jixtus manipulated the Chiss families into fighting each other will suffice. Additionally, Jixtus didn't offer his entire fleet, he offered some Grysk warships.
    • hows that?
  • I don't think the mention of Jixtus's fleet is necessary. Jixtus and Generalirius Nakirre of the Kilji Illumine visited several worlds and shared a recording of the Hoxim incident with several families while offering proof of a family's treachery to another. Something like "the Grysk coordinator Jixtus traveled around the Ascendancy while manipulating the Chiss Ascendancy's families into fighting each other in an attempt to weaken the Chiss before his fleet attacked the Ascendancy" would work.
    • reworded
  • Review note: Personally, I'd prefer to have a single image in "The skirmish" like this. With a single image, paragraphs should be split. I think it would look better.
    • i disagree. i believe there is enough space for two images.
  • The Kiljis were definitely not Jixtus's vassals. Tools, servants, "allies," sure. Not vassals. Their mention is unnecessary, though, when you introduce Jixtus you should mention the fact that he was traveling aboard the Kilji Illumine Kilji war cruiser Whetstone, whose presence in the Ascendancy's territory alerted the Chiss, prompting them to use the Expansionary Defense Fleet as a Defense Force. Samonic Signatureicon (Talk) 20:30, 2 January 2023 (UTC)
spookly
  • Might be worth considering chopping up the paragraphs in a slightly different way to turn the two in "skirmish" into three—they're seeming slightly clunky to me. Prelude could also potentially be split in two.
  • Sorry to have to leave this one, but this article's running into quite a bit of the exactly-documenting-all-dialogue trap.
  • Noticing quite a bit of passive tense sprinkled throughout. Would be great if you could make a first pass at taking some of it out; can help with the rest.
  • Same comment for comma misusage.—spookywillowwtalk 15:04, 17 February 2023 (UTC)
  • Small last thing: would like to see the BBY year worked into the intro. Nice cleanup work, for the ones above ~ —spookywillowwtalk 21:39, 26 February 2023 (UTC)
    • Does that work? And thank you! :) Samonic Signatureicon (Talk) 13:27, 27 February 2023 (UTC)
Ayrehead
  • The fact that each family had at least two gunboats, and the links to the specific gunboat types themselves, are currently infobox exclusive. Pickect Force Six is also infobox exclusive. Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:31, 9 March 2023 (UTC)
  • The infobox lists the Unidentified Tahmie as a commander, but the body and the character's own article suggest that isn't confirmed. Ayrehead02 (talk) 13:31, 9 March 2023 (UTC)

Comments

  • I've taken over all of Ziara's nominations since he left the site. Samonic Signatureicon (he/him) 10:00, 5 February 2023 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 00:36, 11 March 2023 (UTC)