Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Shanra Immel

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Shanra Immel

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. - Princess GLG 12:03, April 29, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 14:05, May 12, 2013 (UTC)
  3. ACvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 23:48, May 17, 2013 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 00:43, June 8, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Nice work Supreme Emperor (talk) 14:50, June 11, 2013 (UTC)
  6. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 23:34, June 13, 2013 (UTC)

Object

Princess
  • Shortly after Malcom left to capture the ship, Immel and her squad placed the last of the beacons at their target sites and shortly after the spaceport was destroyed. Can you find a way to get rid of one of those shortly afters?
    • Changed.
  • The second part of the Biography quote needs italicized, especially in the intro.
    • Fixed.
  • I can see a couple things that need linked.
    • Got all the links I believe. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 02:17, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
      • In the second paragraph of the biography, fighter needs linked. Private is linked twice.
        • Linked and corrected.
  • I'll go over it again once you fix these. - Princess GLG 02:01, April 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Shortly after Immel ordered the squad to move out they reached the spaceport three hours later. Are you saying that Shortly after Immel ordered the squad to move out, and they reached the spaceport three hours later. or Three hours after Immel ordered the squad to move out they reached the spaceport.? Either way, you need to change the sentence a little bit.
    • Changed.
  • After setting all the beacons on their targets, Immel checked on Malcom's status and they talked about her thoughts of private Kayle and Malcom reminded her it was good to spend time with her squad. To many ands.
    • Changed.
  • Can't the last two paragraphs of the biography be combined?
    • Since I've just changed the prievous paragraph I see no reason to combine them.
  • Context on SpecForce. - Princess GLG 00:32, April 29, 2013 (UTC)
501st
  • "she served with Republic Special Forces Division, an elite Republic Military division, Colonel Jace Malcom in the battle of Kalandis Seven during the renewed war between the Galactic Republic and the resurgent Sith Empire." This sentence isn't really working grammar wise, Try to fix it.
    • Changed.
      • Still doesn't sound quite right. Try to change it to how you worded it in the intro. As it its the intro, you might not need to add context on SpecForce, so that might help you smooth it out.
        • Should be smoothed out I hope and removed that bit in the intro.
  • Context on Kalandis Seven in intro.
    • Added context.
      • Since you are saying its in the Inner Rim in the intro, it needs to be stated that its in the inner Rim in the bio.
        • Added.
  • The intro doesn't really specify how the targeting beacons destroyed the starport. Either take mention of it out, or tell us how it was destroyed.
    • Specified.
  • I don't think the last sentence of the into matters to the section, so cut it.
    • Removed.
  • "SpecForce, an elite Republic Military division, Colonel Jace Malcom serving as their advisor..." I think you should word this like Colonel Jace Malcom of SpecForce, an elite Republic Military division..... It will make it sound better.
    • Changed.
  • Again, in the bio, how does the spaceport explode?
    • Specified.
  • Isn't Jace SpecForce? Doesn't that mean she doesn't like em either? Add a note in the P&T stating that she didn't mind that Jace was a SpecForce.
    • She didn't like him though as evident by when she said this "You SpecForce boys are all scum" after he declined her offer to share a drink as he was being recalled.
  • You need a bit of context on Jace's mission. You have the planetary ship land, and suddenly he's jumping out of it. You also need to mention that he failed to capture it as well.
    • Added context.
      • Is the command ship landed during this.... or is it flying?
        • Specified.
  • The end of the bio has a bit of play by play in it, with Jace and her talking. Try to tone it down a bit.
  • Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 14:59, May 4, 2013 (UTC)
  • I'll finish me review soon. 501st dogma(talk) 22:06, May 8, 2013 (UTC)
  • "Along the way to the objective, Immel and her squad were attacked, and Corporal Amden vor Keioidian was fatally wounded." This sentence can probably be cut out, as it is not that important to the intro. Remember that the next sentence after this mentions it a bit, so tweak it also.
    • Removed and tweaked.
      • ok, but you left behind this: "Immel and her squad were tasked with the destruction of the local spaceport. Immel, Malcom, and her squad reached the spaceport and proceeded...." This doesn't flow very well.
        • Re-worded.
  • About Admen's wound, is it fatal, or is it not? If it is fatal, they probably wouldn't have him rescued.
    • The story says "Dying man" when referring to him so yea, they also activate his med tracer and Malcom even says "We'll be back for you". I can't really say if the rescued him or not since the story doesn't, but it does say they had every intention of rescuing him.
      • Leave it as it is then.
  • "After silencing the trooper, she planted one of the target beacons onto a nearby power terminal. After watching..." Please change it so you don't start two sentences in a row with after. Another sentence in the same paragraph also starts with After, so you might want to change that as well.
    • Changed.
      • Your change left this: "Immel and Malcom then watched a planetary command ship land, Malcom amended Immel's". This is not quite grammatically correct.
        • Re-worded.
  • You might want to mention the armor that she wears in the P&T. 501st dogma(talk) 23:46, May 8, 2013 (UTC)
    • The armor is only shown in the picture, never stated that she has it, nor what type/brand it is in the story. I can say she wore the general Republic Trooper armor if that's what you wish but not much beyond that. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 00:13, May 9, 2013 (UTC)
      • Just describe the armor, and say something like "She wore red and white armor that was similar to standard Republic trooper armor..." You could probably mention the gun she carried as well. 501st dogma(talk) 12:36, May 11, 2013 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Reminder: Human should always be capitalized. I've had to tell Cade this a billion times, it's best you get this down now.
    • Capitalized
  • Intro: "Immel and her squad were tasked with the destruction of the local spaceport." Why? Was it under Sith control?
    • Specified.
  • In the intro, you need to be a bit more specific than "fighter". Yeah, you link to it, but just by reading it you can't tell if it's a starfighter or just a run-of-the-mill soldier.
    • Specified.
  • Same with the "fighter" mentioned in the bio.
    • Also specified.
  • You include a physical description of Kalandis Seven in the intro but not the body.
    • Added.
  • "Malcom shot the closet patrol" The closet patrol?
    • Changed.
  • "Immel discovered one of the troopers was still alive" Troopers? Was he from the patrol? Context please.
    • Added.
  • "She had a disparaging of private Vaskus Kayle," A disparaging what? IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 03:54, May 17, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Ideally, infobox images should only be headshots. Please see if you can crop the infobox image, at least to chest-level.
  • "the local Sith-controlled spaceport that was under Imperial control": this is a bit redundant.
    • Changed.
  • Article for this specific planetary command ship?
    • It's already linked to.
      • Correct me if I'm wrong, but as I understand it, planetary command ship refers to the ship model. Another article is needed for this specific command ship, the one involved in the Kalandis Seven operation. CC7567 (talk) 06:22, May 31, 2013 (UTC)
        • True added link.
          • Is "planetary" supposed to be capitalized? It is in the title of this new article, but not in the rest of the text. Please check. CC7567 (talk) 08:38, June 4, 2013 (UTC)
            • I believe so, however I may be mistaken. The short story only mentions the name of the ship class one and in that mention it isn't capitalized. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 22:36, June 4, 2013 (UTC)
              • Yeah, I'm looking at the story now in Insider 137 and it isn't capitalized, so please rectify in the article. CC7567 (talk) 06:57, June 6, 2013 (UTC)
  • It's not necessary to re-state in the P&T that she was a Human female, as you already have that at the beginning of the Bio. CC7567 (talk) 21:21, May 25, 2013 (UTC)
  • This objection is more a personal preference one than a "real" objection, but is there any chance you could consider removing or changing one of the two images currently in the body? The reason I ask is because even though I realize there aren't many images of Immel available, all three images currently in the article are basically the same image with different crops, which slightly borders on redundancy. Are there any other available images from Insider 137? CC7567 (talk) 06:25, May 31, 2013 (UTC)
    • This came up too while I was reviewing it, the images are pretty much the same in different scales. Honestly, the last would be the one I'd remove as it already appears in the previous and more complete one with Malcom. Winterz (talk) 19:54, June 1, 2013 (UTC)
Duh duh duh

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:34, June 13, 2013 (UTC)