Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Second skirmish in Cuipernam

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Second skirmish in Cuipernam

  • Nominated by: Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:27, June 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Another for the novels

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 14:27, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Trip391 (talk) 08:57, July 25, 2013 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 12:05, August 19, 2013 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Winterz (talk) 01:43, August 22, 2013 (UTC)
  5. Ayrehead02 (talk) 15:26, September 6, 2013 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:32, September 21, 2013 (UTC)

Object

501st
  • Last sentence of intro: you use remaining twice. Fix this please.
    • Done
  • In the body, you say that they reached an agreement with the Hovsgol Januul and the Situng Borokii, while the intro has the Jedi negotiating with the Januul and the Borokii.
    • Fixed
  • Article for the Vrot?
    • Made a redlink, will make the article tomorrow. Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:20, June 5, 2013 (UTC)
      • Article created
  • A bit of context on Bayaar would be nice. Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 23:59, June 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Who are the Alwari? You don't link to them, or explain who they are. Are they the clans? 501st dogma(talk) 11:42, June 9, 2013 (UTC)
Unity of Floydunity
  • Intro: What sort of agreement?
    • Added context, want me to reword that sentence a bit to make it less clunky? Supreme Emperor (talk) 03:19, July 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • Also, who exactly were all these clans?
    • Better?
  • "and learned that the vote for succession was taking place that same day." Huh?
    • Fixed
  • Context on Soergg the Hutt.
    • Done and done
  • Intro only: Context on the Unity of Community.
    • Fixed
  • "Mopping up" the mercenaries is pretty colloquial. Same thing in the body.
    • Better?
  • Article for the municipal building?
    • Linked, will make article either tonight or tomorrow.
      • Article created
  • Prelude: Again, what exactly was this vote for succession about? Do you mean secession?
    • My bad, meant secession.
  • Is Soergg with the CIS? Why would he want to stop the Jedi from interfering?
  • "and silently alerted Kenobi, Offee and Skywalker. Kenobi then alerted Kyakhta and Bulgan, though the Jedi decided not to alert Tooqui" Alert, alert, alert.
    • Better?
  • Seeing some underlinking issues.
    • Will give the article a once over tomorrow.
  • Article for the building the Jedi hid in?
  • IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 04:00, June 25, 2013 (UTC)
Cav
  • Initial objection - BTS makes no mention of the CSWE entry. - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:12, June 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • More objections!
  • In 22 BBY, during a diplomatic mission to the planet Ansion undertaken by several members of the Jedi Order, a skirmish took place in Cuipernam, capital city of the planet Ansion. - repetition of "the planet Ansion" in a single sentence. Please remove one.
  • Intro: where the Unity of Community, the government of Ansion, was having the vote, - what vote?
    • Clarified
  • Intro: who eliminated the snipers and began eliminating the remaining mercenaries. - two uses of eliminated/eliminating; please vary.
  • Why did the Jedi negotiate with the Alwari in the first place? It's not made clear how this would affect the secession vote.
    • Added, want me to break up the sentence?
      • I think you need to mention it in the actual body in the prelude section, too.
  • The moment snipers on the rooftops opened fire, though their shots were deflected by the Jedi who quickly ducked into a large trading establishment with their companions. - this sentence appears to be missing some words
  • Aftermath: What was the result of the vote? - Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:48, July 16, 2013 (UTC)
Broccoli
  • The intro is way too big for an article of this size, you'll have to trim down some, for instance the whole "Three minutes after" and minor time assessments are details that shouldn't appear in the intro.
  • Just a small note, numbers in the infobox (regardless of size) can be in numerical form. In fact, I really think you should go for the numerical forms ;).
  • You could insert several {{C|later battle}} tags in the infobox.
  • Also, it's not necessary to be as specific in the Infobox's outcome section, in fact, one thing that should always be there is the answer to "Who won?". If you wish, you may leave the whole "Jedi arrive (...)" below it but knowing who (or none) won the skirmish is of great relevance.Winterz (talk) 14:14, August 20, 2013 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • What vote for secession? This needs some kind of context or else the reader has no idea what this refers to without specialized knowledge of the subject matter. "...and learned that the vote for secession was taking place that same day." Strangely, the first sentence of the second paragraph actually gives context for this, but this context should be provided before the first mention of this vote, not after. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:09, August 22, 2013 (UTC)
    • Fixed.
  • Reference 2 should have some kind of notation attached to it explaining how you come to the conclusion that this skirmish precedes the film events, since nothing in the film directly says that the skirmish in Cuipernam preceded the film. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 20:20, August 22, 2013 (UTC)
  • Sorry for the delay here. Since this guy appears to have unique dialogue, it seems like he should have an article: "One assassin inquired about killing Tooqui, Kyakhta, and Bulgan..." Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 22:13, September 12, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:32, September 21, 2013 (UTC)


Alright outstanding objections will be fixed tomorrow night, i've put them off for far too long. Supreme Emperor (talk) 02:52, July 7, 2013 (UTC)

I will be on holiday from August 3rd to August 10th. Any new objections will be fixed upon my return. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:20, August 3, 2013 (UTC)