Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Second mission to Rodia

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Second mission to Rodia

  • Nominated by: DjMack 23:30, October 16, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: It could use another image.

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

  1. Basic stuff
    • Never copy content directly from what others wrote (in this case me for Cad Bane) in other articles. I can see that the majority of the mission section is a simple copy of what I did myself. It's extremely unprofessional and shows no effort at all.
    • You have a severe lack of context. Hypothetically speaking, I have no idea who any of the people or objects in the article are. You cannot assume that the reader is familiar with The Clone Wars.
      • Still remains, especially in the intro. CC7567 (talk) 21:19, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • Referencing should only be used for every sentence if it comes from a different source.
    • Nowhere in the episode are Mahtee or Wee Dunn even named, so your sourcing is faulty.
      • Still remains. Please be consistent. CC7567 (talk) 21:19, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • There is too much unrelated info in the Aftermath. The article's focus should only be the mission, not brooding on what Bane did later.
      • Still remains. I see close to no change. CC7567 (talk) 21:19, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • I highly recommend reading through some of the current GAs to learn what the expectations are. Also, please do not assume that your work is the "best it can be," as it implies overconfidence and that you have no intention to learn or challenge yourself. CC7567 (talk) 23:38, October 16, 2009 (UTC)
      • When I meant "best it can be", I didn't mean the writing, I meant content and layout wise. I just used the wrong terms. I will try to take all of your problems into account and fix the article. DjMack 00:36, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
        • I've done the best I could to solve the sourcing and context problems.DjMack 01:06, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
          • And actually, I didn't copy your content, it was actually Mauser, who originally wrote the article and I built off what he had. I didn't realize it was copied from the Cad Bane article. DjMack 01:22, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
            • It does not matter who copied it. The fact that you did not improve it yourself or write it in your own words does not change a thing. CC7567 (talk) 02:28, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
              • Issues addressed. DjMack 03:24, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
    • The intro should contain only what is absolutely necessary for the reader's most basic understanding of the article. I see no reason why Zinn Toa should even be mentioned.
    • Sidious is only a commander if he dictated orders during the mission.
    • Please do not link to redirects.
    • You're required to have a sources section. Please learn the rest of Wookieepedia's policies before I continue.
    • Most of the above objections are normally ones I would fix myself, but as you're new to our expectations, I am posting them all here in the hopes that you will learn from them so that I don't have to reiterate them again for any other of your nominations. CC7567 (talk) 21:19, October 24, 2009 (UTC)
    • Issues addressed. DjMack 22:27, October 25, 2009 (UTC)
  1. Fett
    • Before I begin my review, please go back and correct these factual errors. While you said "Darth Sidious, the Dark Lord of the Sith and the leader of the Confederacy of Independent Systems," That is false. While, yes he was a Dark Lord of the Sith, he was not the leader of the CIS. Sidious is the de facto leader; Dooku is actually the leader. For Jango Fett, saying "the bounty hunter succeeded in accomplishing both tasks," isn't proper, and I have no clue in what you meant. By giving him context before his name, i.e. Mandalorian bounty hunter Jango Fett, then that's fine.
    • I don't understand why you're beginning with what happens in Cargo of Doom in the prelude section. You should begin with Bane consulting Sidious via hologram, which was featured in Children of the Force.
    • "Following his success on Glee Anselm," What do you mean by this? What "success"?
    • For your BtS, please mention the airdate. It is proper if you begin the BtS with what episode the mission was featured in, the series/season, as well as the airdate. That should be at least one sentence long. After that, you may mention whatever Filoni said in the commentary.
    • JangFett (Talk) 02:20, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
    • I think its appropriate to begin with Holocron Heist/Cargo of Doom since that gives the background on why Sidious is sending him to kidnap children in the first place. DjMack 03:16, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
      • Issues addressed. DjMack 03:24, October 17, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Fett II
    • " His mission was part of his larger agenda during his work for Darth Sidious to capture four of the children listed in the contents of the kyber memory crystal." Quite confusing; please fix this. While I understand that you meant about "was part of his larger agenda"; however, the sentence doesn't flow together.
    • "...traced the pain the bounty hunter was causing through the force, and so Kenobi was sent to Rodia to protect the child." What "pain"? So they felt something and Obi-Wan was sent? Why Obi-Wan? How come not any other Jedi. You failed to mention that he volunteered to stop Bane.
    • Your prelude is confusing. I understand that you began with what occured in CotF, per my striked objection above; however, you're confusing your sources. Why are you mentioning Jango Fett, when clearly Sidious never mentioned him? Also, you began talking about Sidious' discussion with Bane in CotF, and then you switch your subject rather quickly and talked about Bane's success above Devaron. I separated the first paragraph in the prelude section for you connivance. Please go back and correct the major problem. Giving it a proper copyedit is rather hard when they're many issues to correct.
    • The next paragraphs of your prelude need fixing as well. I don't understand chronologically with what's going on. Too much is being said, and it's getting quite redundant. Please pick what's needed and what's not.
    • "(he was actually describing his own mission)" Do not add your own opinion into articles. This is speculation and/or viewer point-of-view. Please remove this.
    • "(Bane had in fact killed Ropal)" Same comment as above. Also, mentioning the death of Ropal is redundant in this case.
    • I'm going to continue the review later. Please go back and fix these problems. JangFett (Talk) 23:22, October 19, 2009 (UTC)
  • Issues addressed. DjMack 21:11, October 24, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  • Removed per AC consensus.