Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Search for Dramath the Second's remains

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Search for Dramath the Second's remains

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 02:17, January 30, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Winterz (talk) 00:32, February 6, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Supreme Emperor (talk) 04:01, February 18, 2013 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 02:07, February 19, 2013 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:01, February 21, 2013 (UTC)

Object

  1. Welcome back, Rev
    • Firstly, as it is a conjectural name you should avoid introducing the name that way, like if it was canonized. You should try something like "Around 3,678 BBY, a search for the Sith Lord Dramath the Second's remains was issued by X" or within those lines, to prevent the reader from thinking that the event was really named like that even though it isn't. ;)
      • Removed first sentence so it should be taken care of.
    • Also in the intro, try not to repeat words (as in search... search), you can replace it with a synonym.
      • Taken care of. Used journey instead so that should help.
    • When starting each section, you should take it as if it was a whole new story and so you shouldn't start it with "Their". Instead, you should let us know who "their" are by using the respective names.
      • Taken care of. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 22:36, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
        • The Bts could still use some more context on the "Search" part.
          • Taken care of I belive.
            • I meant, "the search for who" not that sort of details :P
              • My bad misread that now taken care of.
    • More to come. Winterz (talk) 20:27, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • The Mission infobox is usually used when there was an (violent) engagement between two or more parties, during a mission. In this case however, as it went all relatively peacefully, you should use the Event infobox.
      • Taken care of.
    • Punctuation again Revan, careful with that, though I've added most that was missing.
      • Punctuation's never been my strong suit, hope I'm getting better.
    • Context on Mandalore (the title not the individual) and the planet by the same name (Saying that it is the capital of the Mandalorians should be enough).
      • Taken care of.
    • Sith Emperor should be treated as an individual not a title, so you should reword that first sentence in the Prelude. Winterz (talk) 23:03, January 24, 2013 (UTC)
    • Could you give more context on the aftermath part of the Mandalorian Wars? Remember no need to expand it too much, just a sentence or two tops, mentioning also Revan. And with that you should pick those additions you made about Revan telling Ordo, from the Bts to the aftermath. It's better suited there ;) Winterz (talk) 17:35, January 25, 2013 (UTC)
    • Can you mention in the article why did Vitiate want Dramath's remains (prelude) and how did he use them (aftermath).
      • It was never explained in the novel why Vitiate wanted Dramath's remains, nor was it explained how he used them.
    • In the Intro you say that the Emperor sent the emissary to do those things yet you kind of omit that in the Prelude when you just say that the Emperor sent an emissary and that then the emissary looked for the remains and so. You should probably reword it in order to let us understand that those were the Emperor's orders when he assigned the diplomat to Mandalore. Winterz (talk) 14:28, February 5, 2013 (UTC)
      • I didn't reword it however added a sentence saying the Emperor had him search for the remains. Hope that fixes it. DarthRevan1173 Revan Headshot (Long live Lord Revan) 00:24, February 6, 2013 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Aftermath section isn't fully sourced.
    • Taken care of.
  • No quotes?
    • Added quote.
  • Something should be bolded in the intro, even though your title isn't directly mentioned. Bolding "search" would be best.
    • Taken care of.
  • First sentence of the intro should be split up. Is kind of hard to take in as it is now.
    • Taken care of.
  • Context on the Twin Spears.
    • Taken care of.
  • Article for the "spell" he cast on Mandalore?
    • Linked. By spell I meant Control Mind. Unlinked convince since there's no evidence he used control mind at that time.
  • "Two years later the Mandalorians went on to invade the Republic, and thirteen years later the Jedi Knight Revan joined the war turning the tide back in the Republic's favor and winning the war at the Battle of Malachor V, three years later." In this one sentence you say "[number] years later" three times. Fix this.
    • Taken care of.
  • Context on Canderous Ordo.
  • IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 00:49, January 29, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 11:01, February 21, 2013 (UTC)