Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Scizzic

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Scizzic

  • Nominated by: praguepride (Talk) 21:38, June 14, 2014 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A little ugnaught who could use some love :)

(0 ACs/1 Users/1 Total)

Support

  1. Good jobb Prague and good luck !Emperor Jarjarkine GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Senate Hall 13:18, June 25, 2014 (UTC)

Object

Emperor's advices

  • First of all, there is a redlink in the intro.
  • 2nd, make sure linking the entire intro. There are some links missing.
  • 3nd i noticed that, the first sentence of the first paragraph is kinda strange.
  • Scizzic's early life was unknown but he first met Talandro Starlyte in Cloud City around the planet Bespin I think saying:Scizzic first met Talandro Starlyte in Cloud City arround the planet Bespin but otherwise, his early life was unknown. But thats just my opinion.
  • On the P&T Section, the ship word is pretty redundant, especially last sentence about what he loved.
  • The Skills and abilities sections, i think you should add more links thant that. I added some but, mabye i forgot some of thems. For now, thats all i've seen.--Emperor Jarjarkine GalacticRepublicEmblem-Traced-TORkit Senate Hall 22:10, June 14, 2014 (UTC)
    • Added a few more but removed the link on eye because it's not describing the eye as a biological entity so much as it is a way of phrasing his ability to evaluate items. --praguepride (Talk) 14:42, June 15, 2014 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • The book mentions that he modified Lynnori's Starbound Misfit.
  • I would say that his computer and droid programming abilities are high enough to be mentioned.
  • I'm really not seeing the logic you used for mentioning his skills. You leave off some that he is very skilled in and mention some that he is only marginally skilled in. Please be consistent.
  • It says that his operation was so profitable that he was very wealthy and happy about his position despite the conditions and the station's remote location.
  • You should mention in the biography that he loved machines and was more interested in the mining equipment than mining when he was young.
  • It says that people believed that he spent time on Cloud City. You need to be careful to indicate that the source does not confirm that this was the case, but that people believed it to be true.
    • Done--praguepride (Talk) 11:12, July 24, 2014 (UTC)
      • "It is believed" is present tense. The body of all articles are written in past tense. It would be better to say something like: "Some individuals believed that..."--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:16, August 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • Please mention that he still performed minor repairs on the station after starting at the Graveyard.
  • He carried a laser cutter. Please mention this.
  • I think that his discovery of a more efficient configuration of power couplings should be mentioned.
  • In the infobox, saying that his affiliation is a space station doesn't sound right. It would probably be better to mention the Graveyard here.
    • Changed but my thought was that he was affiliated with the running and operation of the space station... --praguepride (Talk) 14:07, July 23, 2014 (UTC)
  • Please group together those short sections in the biography section. Also, each separate section should be sourced separately.
  • You should start off the biography section by introducing the character and saying who he is.
  • Does the source say that the events of the book occur before 0 BBY? If not, you need to provide a source explaining how you got to this reasoning.
    • Removed --praguepride (Talk) 11:13, July 24, 2014 (UTC)
      • During my CAN review of another article from this book, I thought we determined that the events of the book took place after the destruction of the first Death Star, but before the Battle of Endor. This would mean that Scizzic would be at the station at some point after 0 ABY, but not that all of the events mentioned occurred in or before 0 ABY. Since the book doesn't give the ABY date, you should probably just say that Scizzic was working at the Graveyard at some point following the Battle of Yavin.
      • You still mention 0 BBY in the intro.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:16, August 1, 2014 (UTC)
        • Changed 0 BBY into Galactic Civil War that covers that time period.--praguepride (Talk) 10:40, August 4, 2014 (UTC)
          • You need to mention the era in the body as well. The Galactic Civil War does not give enough information to put the article in the Rebellion era. Please mention the Battle of Yavin as well as the source mentions it.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:21, August 19, 2014 (UTC)
            • Added to both introduction and bio praguepride (Talk) 16:47, August 26, 2014 (UTC)
              • From what I can tell, the source does not confirm that he worked on the station before the Battle of Yavin. The way you currently have it worded implies this, please reword it.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 21:34, August 26, 2014 (UTC)
  • Behind the scenes: The Star Wars Roleplaying Game is the Wizards of the Coast game. You should link to Star Wars: The Roleplaying Game.
  • You need to add a {{1stm}} tag to the sources section even if there is only one source.
  • As a note, when pipelinking an article you should capitalize the first part like: [[Transport/Legends|space transports]], not [[transport/Legends|space transports]].
  • Please go through all of your nominations and check to fix these issues.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 01:45, July 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • The introduction should be expanded. It is rather short in comparison with the body of the article.
  • You start off the majority of your sentences with "he" or "Scizzic." Could you try and vary your sentence structure a little more?
    • Rewrote a few sentences. Let me know if it's enough.--praguepride (Talk) 10:40, August 4, 2014 (UTC)
  • Please mention the name Starlyte Station upon the station's first mention in the biography. It makes it clearer that the name goes with that station.
  • "He turned his talents towards starship repair and the Graveyard quickly became littered with an amazing variety of ships and ship parts and Scizzic would cannibalize his collection of abandoned vehicles in his repairs." Please break up this sentence, you are trying to say too much at once
  • "the results were very reliable and worth the extra cost". The part about it being worth the extra cost is a point-of-view statement that should not be in the article. If the book says that some people believed that his services were worth the extra cost, then you need to say something like: "Some people believed that Scizzic's services were worth the extra cost."
  • I'll look it over again after you fix these objections.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:16, August 1, 2014 (UTC)
  • "A skilled mechanic, he was initially hired to become the primary mechanic..." Could you reword the intro so that you don't use mechanic twice in the same sentence?
  • Context on the Starbound Misfit in the intro.
  • "Scizzic lived up to Talandro's expectations and restored all of the important systems up and running in a very short period of time." The sentence doesn't flow well, please reword it.
  • "The Graveyard quickly became littered with an amazing variety of ships and ship parts and Scizzic would cannibalize for parts during repairs." He's cannibalizing ship parts for parts?
  • Is it the Graveyard or "the Graveyard" in the source. You have it both ways in the article.
  • "Because of his talent for repair, he eventually moved into starship repair." This sounds rather circular, please reword.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:21, August 19, 2014 (UTC)
  • You should always refer to a character by their last name except in instances where two individuals have the same last name. Please go through the article and fix instances where you use a first name.
    • I was concerned there might be confusion between Starlyte and Starlyte station but in hindsight it's not that confusing. Fixed! praguepride (Talk) 12:04, September 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • You have a lot of places where you use the same verb multiple times in the same sentence or in adjacent sentences. For example you use carry three times in the equipment section. Please fix this.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 21:34, August 26, 2014 (UTC)
    • I fixed the Equipment section. I didn't see any other blatantly repetitive sections but if there are I will fix. praguepride (Talk) 12:04, September 8, 2014 (UTC)
  • Can you make it clearer in the biography that the ship Starlyte bought for Lynnori was the Starbound Misfit?
  • Please provide context on the Graveyard in the introduction.
  • Can you make it clearer why the appearance of the Graveyard would affect the profitability of his repair business?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 19:14, September 15, 2014 (UTC)
  • "Once the station was operational, he set up shop in the Graveyard, the nickname for the main hangar bay of Starlyte Station, where he performed starship repairs." This makes it sound like it was nicknamed the Graveyard before he set up there. Is this accurate? If this is not stated, you need to reword this sentence.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 22:13, September 24, 2014 (UTC)
Nivlacantor
  • This is looking good but this sentence needs a comma after station or something. "A skilled mechanic, he was initially hired to become the primary technician for the station however he eventually branched out and created Graveyard where he would perform starship repair as well." Nivlacanator (talk) 17:22, August 24, 2014 (UTC)
  • Objection(s) overridden by AgriCorps 18:26, September 10, 2014 (UTC)
Tommy9281
  • "It was believed by some individuals that he met Talandro Starlyte in Cloud City over the planet Bespin." A bit of context on Talandro since this is where that character is introduced.
  • "The Graveyard quickly became littered with n large variety of ships and their parts and Scizzic would make use of during repairs." Do you mean to say that he use the parts during the repairs? If so, state clearly.
  • That's all.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, September 18, 2014, 14:40 UTC

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Idle objections. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 19:20, October 2, 2014 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 19:22, October 2, 2014 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 20:00, October 2, 2014 (UTC)