Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Saren Llalik

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Saren Llalik

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:36, November 17, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Meet the designer of Lobot's cybernetic implant, according to West End Games.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 05:22, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 16:25, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  3. JangFett (Talk) 13:52, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Inqvote Very clean now. --Eyrezer 00:06, November 29, 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Good job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:57, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Soresu
  2. Skippy, please go back and check the sizes of your paragraphs. For instance, I see a short sentence for the intro, followed by two paragraphs. This occurs in the bio as well. Please keep the sizes consistent. JangFett (Talk) 21:34, November 18, 2009 (UTC)
    • Other than quotes, all paragraphs are now 3-4 lines, except for two (one 2-liner, one 5-liner) that I cannot imagine how to avoid. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 09:26, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
  3. The Grand Master
    • "Alliance General Airen Cracken considered himself to be in debt with Llalik." Why/how was he in debt to her? Without this information, this statement's placement in the intro doesn't make sense; it doesn't really fit in.
    • "She considered Nashiak was wrong serving the Empire, probably not considering the Imperial's atrocities." The meaning here is unclear; I assume you are trying to say that Saren thought that her sister wasn't considering the Imperial atrocities, but this is somewhat ambiguous. Also, why the uncertainty here? "Probably?" Was it the reason, or wasn't it? If it can't be confirmed, it must be removed.
    • More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 15:28, November 20, 2009 (UTC)
  4. A few more
    • Could you make an article for Director of Prosthetic Design?
      • Done.
    • Early in the bio, you say she joined the Rebellion with her oldest brother, and later, in the third paragraph, you say she was secretly a member. If she joined secretly, this should be said upon the first mention of her joining the Alliance. Also, did her oldest brother join secretly, too? (If the circumstances of her brother's enlistment is unknown, then don't worry about it)
      • Modified; info on older brother is scarce.
    • "an engineer with no known political ideas..." This isn't completely clear: do you mean no political affiliations? Either way, this seems to be superfluous. Is it really necessary?
      • Modified. OS suggests Alaras's views and actions are important for Alliance Intelligence; I've already ommitted all the really superfluous info.
    • "At that point, she was well-respected because of her engineering work that provided the soldiers with new items." What new items? Do you still mean cyborg technologies? What soldiers? (You refer to "the soldiers", but you have yet to mention any soldiers in the bio.)
      • Modified.
    • "including alien species, security, and even forgery." How was she knowledgable in alien species? And in what kinds of security and forgery was she knowledgeable? Please clarify. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 15:11, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
      • General knowledge on specialized fields; it's a reading of her RPG stats. "Alien species 5D" is high enough to deserve a mention. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:31, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
    • You should probably add her connection with Nashiak (i.e. her wish for them to work together, etc.) to the P&t.
      • Done; reword if you feel it's needed.
    • You should also mention her written reports in the intro. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 15:52, November 23, 2009 (UTC)
  5. Toprawa:
    • Two things. Firstly, does the source literally say that these were qualities atypical of an engineer? If not, this is technically original research and should be removed or rewritten: "She was also knowledgeable in other skills that were less common for an engineer, including alien species, security, and even forgery."
      • Done.
    • Secondly, concerning your referencing. You include a page number for the TABS reference but don't do so for any other reference. I don't mind this new page-number-referencing kick you guys are on, since more specific referencing is good, but if you're going to do it for one reference note in the article, you might as well do it for all of them. Please be consistent with your referencing. Either one way or another. Toprawa and Ralltiir 04:56, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
      • Done. I gave page number only for TABS because the reference was not intuitively found; other sources have clearly-defined sections where she appears. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:05, December 1, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:57, December 1, 2009 (UTC)