Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Rianna Saren

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Rianna Saren

• Nominated by: QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 20:18, 12 November 2008 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: My first GA nom. Hope it's not so bad :)

(2 AC/3 users/5 total)

Support

1. For one's first GA nom, a very good job, QuiGon. IFYLOFD ^{(And now, young Skywalker, you will die.)} 02:09, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
2. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 15:14, 18 November 2008 (UTC)
3. Well done. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 05:06, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
4. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 14:43, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
5. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:39, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. Pranay Sobusk
   • Mention Zarien Kheev in the intro
     • Mentioned QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 21:31, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Change the fighting moves section into a Power and Abilities section with some context on her fighting moves
     • That will be hard to do. I've only played the Nintendo DS version and there are no such moves like Hammer of Ryloth and Winds of Mustafar. They appear only in PSP version. I'd appreciate if someone who played the game on PSP added it. However, I've added as much context as I could.QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 13:36, 14 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Change your weapons section into an Equipment section, also with some more context
     • Done with the weapons. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 21:31, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
       • Not bad, but I would prefer to see text instead of your list within the section. Replace this list with text, and you definitively have my vote. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 09:43, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
         • Addressed. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 14:41, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Is that Star Wars Lethal Alliance Homepage really official? Because I have never heard of it, and it is not in the Reliable sources list
     • It is official. On the Ubisoft site there is a link that proves it. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 21:31, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
   • How are all these external links useful? Some of them are not even describing Rianna. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 17:51, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
     • Removed all useless links. Changed one of them. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 21:31, 13 November 2008 (UTC)
2. IFYLOFD:
   • Give context for Kyle Katarn and Darth Vader in the intro, and in the main body of the article.
     • Done, I think... QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 20:09, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Get rid of the speculation in the BtS.
     • Done. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 17:44, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Give some mention of Kheev being employed by the Empire.
     • Mentioned. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 20:09, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Give context to Leia.
   • Give context to Boba Fett.
     • Added some info on both Leia and Fett. I tried to describe who they are in a few words, so not to spoil the whole flow of the article. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 20:09, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Give context to the Death Star.
     • Done. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 20:09, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
   • The P&T could probably be expanded, but at least try and make it flow better.
     • Reworded P&T. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 20:33, 15 November 2008 (UTC)
   • Where is the source for her being voiced by Julianne Buescher?
     • Sourced. Note: Julianne's official site claims that she voiced "Rianna" in Battlefront, but since there is no such character in BF, it must be a mistake. The article on MobyGames as well as on some other video game related sites have her credited in Lethal Alliance. QuiGonJinn^{The ability to speak does not make you intelligent.} 17:44, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Good work. IFYLOFD ^{(And now, young Skywalker, you will die.)} 01:47, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

1. A pretty good effort, Qui-Gon. Some minor sentence structure and tense errors (I fixed the ones I found), but otherwise broad in coverage and well sourced. Just one thing. For the intro quote, have you forgotten an apostrophe in “yours”? Or was an error in the source? SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 09:41, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
   • Hmm, I'm not that good in English, but according to this site, "yours" (without an apostrophe) is the only correct spelling. It was spelled such in the game anyway. QuiGonJinn^{Always remember, your focus determines your reality.} 13:13, 4 December 2008 (UTC)
     • Apologies. I stand corrected. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 05:06, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
2. Chack Attack:
   • Split intro to two paragraphs.
     • Done. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 15:17, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
   • "to follow a criminal's path" Please change this to something like "to become a criminal."
     • Dunno how to rephrase it. Maybe deleting "'s" in the word "criminal's" should help? QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 02:18, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • "Rianna heard as Kheev ordered Sagar to shut down the operation because of the intruders and deliver the last shipment to Mustafar." Awkward. Please rephrase.
     • Once again thanks to Toprawa. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 02:18, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • "Sedriss told her, but had a misfortune of calling Rianna the broken one and was killed for that." Please rephrase this as well.
     • Reworded. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 19:25, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
   • Context on Thorn of Ryloth.
     • Added. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 16:07, 31 December 2008 (UTC)
   • Also, go through and read over this, and change any wording that sounds poor. Just clean up the phrasing in some spots, and the article will be better. I did a cleanup for you, but I didn't get everything.
     • Toprawa made a major cleanup too. So I guess this objection is dealt with. Thanks to both of you. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 02:18, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • A nice job, especially for a first attempt. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 00:05, 29 December 2008 (UTC)
3. Toprawa:
   • What Black Sun warehouse? More specific context, please: "from the Black Sun warehouse"
     • Black Sun warehouse. Changed link in the article. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 01:27, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • Is this an Imperial agri. vessel, I'm assuming? If so, please specify: "the destruction of an agricultural research vessel that was used to test new kinds of drugs" Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:00, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
     • Actually, that was a neutral vessel captured by the Black Sun vigo who was working for the Empire. Added some context in the intro that specifies it. BTW, thanks for your copy-edit. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 01:27, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • I see you lifted this text verbatim from that IGN website in the External links. Even though I tweaked it a bit before discovering its origin, you still need to rewrite this to avoid plagiarism: "exacting her revenge on the Empire that once enslaved her. Her ultimate target was the source of her anguish, Zarien Kheev."
     • Reworded it a bit. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 21:30, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • The quote in the "Seeking vengeance" subsection mentions that she was shunned by her own kind. Please make mention of this, as well as her prosthetic lekku, in the P/T.
     • Mentioned. I tried to integrate this into the already existing text. Please check if that sentence sounds OK. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 14:18, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
       • It's fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:22, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
   • This needs to be rewritten with greater explanation. What "other Rebels"? "Saren also asked Organa to send her to Danuta along with the other Rebels." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:47, 1 January 2009 (UTC)
     • Explained that it was Kyle. QuiGonJinn^{Be mindful of the Living Force...} 14:18, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:39, 1 January 2009 (UTC)