Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Revolt aboard the Tsam P'ah

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Revolt aboard the Tsam P'ah

• Nominated by: $Michiel$ 19:38, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: English isn't my first language, so there probably are some spelling and grammar mistakes.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

1. NAYAYEN:TALK 16:25, July 28, 2010 (UTC)
2. -- 1358 ^(Talk) 15:22, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
3. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:48, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
4. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 01:10, September 2, 2010 (UTC)
5. Cylka^-talk- 03:16, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Xd1358

• One quickie: If the title is conjectural, it shouldn't be bolded like that. It should rather be like "A revolt took place..." -- 1358 ^(Talk) 19:50, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
  • Okay, thanks. I wasn't entirely sure if it should be bold or not as I found both when looking at other articles. I've edited it to your suggestion. $Michiel$ 20:16, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
• You're missing a lot of commas.
  • I've added more commas in the article. Please let me know if I've got them all. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm going to strike this after I have checked the article another time. -- 1358 ^(Talk) 15:01, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
      • Added some more using a comma-guide. $Michiel$ 14:50, July 27, 2010 (UTC)
• Use {{ref}} tags in the infobox.
  • I'm not really sure what you mean. Everything is already referenced in the infobox. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • It means that you add {{Ref|reference goes here}} instead of simply the reference. See other FAs/GAs for examples. -- 1358 ^(Talk) 15:01, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
      • Thanks, I've added it now. $Michiel$ 17:21, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Underlinking in the intro; I haven't checked any further.
  • I've added more links in the intro and in the main article. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Use — instead of -- (in quotes).
  • Replaced them. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Adding a big white box on the speech bubble is not good. Please upload a new version with the speech bubbles included.
  • I white out the textbox, because not the whole text fitted in the first image. I've uploaded a new version, cutting out the whole textbox. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • Replaced with an image of the complete comicpanel, with text. $Michiel$ 12:07, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
• Could you possibly include the release date(s) (or even year) of the comics in which this event was featured in?
  • Added the release dates. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
• -- 1358 ^(Talk) 21:00, July 24, 2010 (UTC)
• Question: Is the emdash in the Aftermath quote intended or not? Because it looks a bit out of place. -- 1358 ^(Talk) 15:01, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • Technically it's a continuation of a sentence started in a previous panel (and page). But the first part is only three words, which don't add much to the sentence ("And something else --"). I thought it worked well on its own. After re-reading it though, I think I'll add it and the sentence before it. It'll give a more complete image of the Aftermath section. $Michiel$ 17:11, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
• "The Tsam P'ah remained in orbit above Artorias, the prisoners intended to work as slaves on the planet after it has been Vongformed." This sounds weird. I doubt that the prisoners intended to work as slaves; they were rather forced to work as slaves. Also, is the Tsam P'ah in orbit because the prisoners will work as slaves? I think a better version would be something like "As the prisoners were to work as slaves after the planet had been Vongformed, the Tsam P'ah remained in orbit above Artorias."
• "The slaveship's commander, Sha'kel, wanting to practice his basic.." Isn't "his basic" the Yuuzhan Vong language, not Galactic Basic Standard? If he wanted to practice the YV language, why would he need an Artorias? (Don't they speak Galactic Basic Standard?)
• I've made some tweaks; take a look if you approve them. -- 1358 ^(Talk) 18:37, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • Looks very good, thanks. I thought these other sentences made sense, but now that you mention it, they look very ambigious. I'll try to clear them up and see if there are more like them. $Michiel$ 19:06, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • I've reworded the intro to remove "intended" there as well. $Michiel$ 14:50, July 27, 2010 (UTC)
• "Acting as though Arbeloa had captured Kaye and wanted to trade her—the commander's pet[7]—for his freedom, they managed to lure two Yuuzhan Vong guards into their cell." You mean Kaye was the commander's pet? If so, it should read "Acting as though Arbeloa had captured Kaye—the commander's pet[7]—and wanted to trade her for his freedom, they managed...".
• "Using the device attached to the arm of one the guards, the prisoners opened their cell." With "prisoners", do you mean Arbeloa and Kaye, or all prisoners? If you mean all, I doubt that they lived in one cell.
• -- 1358 ^(Talk) 07:51, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • Moved the "commander's pet" forward, like you suggested. And specified "prisoners" to "Kaye" in the second sentence. $Michiel$ 12:02, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
• "Yuuzhan Vong prisoners" as a combatant (in the infobox) can be confusing. You have to specify that the prisoners weren't YVs.
  • I noticed the same thing yesterday, but forgot to change it. I've changed it to "Prisoners of the Yuuzhan Vong" now. $Michiel$ 14:53, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
• Could you tell a bit more about the revolt instead of the background? Info about the revolt itself seems a bit sparse.
  • I'll try to include some more details about the revolt. $Michiel$ 14:53, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
    • I'm sorry, I actually meant the intro. :) -- 1358 ^(Talk) 19:51, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • Heh, I just added a bit more to the Revolt section.:p But I'll add some more info to the intro as well. $Michiel$ 20:04, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • I've expanded the intro, please let me know what you think. $Michiel$ 17:39, July 30, 2010 (UTC)
• That prelude image's white box needs to go.
  • Replaced the image with one with the text included. $Michiel$ 14:53, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
• That's it. Nicely done. -- 1358 ^(Talk) 12:48, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
  • Thank you very much for all your help and review. $Michiel$ 11:56, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Chick Gandil

• Seeing multiple instances of grammatical errors. Most notably—punctuation.
  • I've added more commas and replaced "--" with "—" per Xd1358's suggestion. Please let me know if there are more errors. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Are you sure you've checked sources? Even the most slightest instance of a mentioning could be somewhere, i.e, CSWE or TEA.
  • Nothing in the Essential Atlas. Not sure about the CSWE, as I don't have it. I couldn't find anything related to Invasion(Artorias, Galfridians, Tsam P'ah, etc.) in the article, and didn't find any other Invasion articles listing the CSWE as source. $Michiel$ 11:55, July 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • If you're not sure, then may I suggest Forum:Entry requests? SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 04:34, July 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • I can answer that question. None of the new characters from Invasion are listed in the CSWE.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 05:24, July 26, 2010 (UTC)
        • Thanks for the link, SoresuMakashi. And thank you for checking, Jedi Kasra. $Michiel$ 13:55, July 26, 2010 (UTC)
• More to come. JangFett ^(Talk) 01:09, July 25, 2010 (UTC)

Nayayen

• Make sure that the sections conform to the Layout Guide.
  • I've renamed the "Background" section to "Prelude" and removed links from the quotes. I think the rest of the article adheres to the Layout Guide, but please let me know if I've missed something else. $Michiel$ 13:02, July 28, 2010 (UTC)
• Is all the info about why Nina was looking after Jenny all necessary? We just need to establish that Kaye was often summoned to the commander and built a rapport.
  • I think it's a good example of what the Queen has lost and why she fell into a catatonic state, and because of that, why she did not take part in the revolt. $Michiel$ 13:02, July 28, 2010 (UTC)
• "...to make good on her promise: Sha'kel's head." This is a little open-ended, can you say what actually happened afterwards?
  • I've added another sentence explaining Sha'kel's ultimate fate. $Michiel$ 13:02, July 28, 2010 (UTC)
• I trust you'll get the grammatical errors that others have noticed. Good work otherwise. NAYAYEN:TALK 20:04, July 27, 2010 (UTC)
  • Yes, still working on it, and thanks. $Michiel$ 13:02, July 28, 2010 (UTC)

Xd1358, round two

• Sorry for this post-vote objections; I should've read through it better during my first review.
• "Kaye Galfridian and Arbeloa led the prisoners in their cell in an attack against their guards." You mean that Kaye and Arbeloa led the prisoners from their cell?
  • I meant in their cell, but I've specified it now. $Michiel$ 17:25, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
• "The slaveship landed on the planet to deliver the reinforcements." That's a pretty short sentence. Could you merge it with the following sentence?
  • Merged. $Michiel$ 17:25, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
• Watch for excessive referencing. I've removed them in my latest copy-edit. Nice work otherwise. :-) -- 1358 ^(Talk) 15:50, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
  • Thanks for all the help, and please let me know if there's something else to fix. $Michiel$ 17:25, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

Attack of the Clone

• "With the reduced number of guards aboard the slaveship": is there a specific reason for this? Coming from the last sentence, it seems as though the reduced number of guards should be on the planet, not the ship, yet you say the opposite. Please clarify.
  • Clarified that the guards were sent from the ship to the planet. $Michiel$ 15:14, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Please provide context on Kaye Galfridian and Arbeloa in the intro, and context on the latter in the body. Readers who are not familiar with the material will otherwise have no idea who you're talking about.
  • Added more info. $Michiel$ 15:14, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Please make use of the more proper last names instead of first names, namely for Kaye. The only scenario in which first names are used is normally if there are more than one person with the same last name, but as you don't even use "Galfridian" to refer to Queen Nina, please change the article to reflect this.
  • Changed. $Michiel$ 15:14, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Please try to standardize your paragraph length. Aesthetically, it's not very consistent.
  • Grouped them together.$Michiel$ 15:14, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
• "and realizing that her husband was still alive": how is this significant? Was he considered to be dead before?
  • I've added some more info on the Queen's losses earlier in the article.$Michiel$ 15:14, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Is it really necessary to outline all the sources that only mention the revolt after it's already finished? Please try to condense these if possible, as they don't portray the actual event that this article covers. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:53, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
  • Condensed the "mentioned" issues into a single sentence. Thank you reviewing. $Michiel$ 15:14, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
• Regarding the appearances: a "plan to revolt" isn't the same thing as a revolt or a mention of a revolt. A mention of the revolt must be a mention of the actual revolt (normally after it happens, as it has to be mentioned afterward) instead of a plan to revolt before it actually happens; it usually doesn't work that way. Plans don't always come through, and because of that, they just cannot be counted as "mentions" of events to come. Please adjust the Bts and Appearances section accordingly. If you're still confused about this, I'll try to explain it better. CC7567 ^(talk) 19:20, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
  • Okay, I understand your point, so should I just delete it, or is there another way to incorporate it? $Michiel$ 20:28, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
    • Unfortunately, I don't think there's any alternative besides removing that pre-mention of the revolt from both the Bts and the Appearances section. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:30, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
      • Okay, that's too bad, but I've removed it now. $Michiel$ 20:41, August 25, 2010 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 03:16, September 2, 2010 (UTC)