Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Rav Naaran/Legends

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was withdrawn. Please do not modify it.

Rav Naaran/Legends

  • Nominated by: Cyborg Commando (talk) 14:38, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: First time doing a GAN. *ahem* "I've been looking forward to this."
  • Date Archived: 20:08, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
  • Final word count: 1064 words (120 introduction, 830 body, 114 behind the scenes)
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:FFGAMES

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

(Votes required: 3 AC vote(s) required to reach minimum. Additional 2 user or 1 AC votes required to pass.)

Support

Object

OOM
  • Welcome to the GAN! And good work with this so far. Some preliminaries:
    • I think you can note the skin colour as "light."
    • There's no need to note "formerly" in infoboxes; simply listing the affiliations chronologically suffices.
    • The intro can afford to be longer, and it would be good to cover all of the major aspects of the character, like his escape (roughly three to four sentences would be better for an article of this length).
    • Pronouns are separate from gender; a lot of our older articles pipelink pronouns to Gender/Legends, but this should no longer be done, so the link here should be moved down to "male" later in the article.
    • The more formal "although" is preferred over "though."
    • Timeframe
      • Let's see some dates (if available) introduced.
        • Can't find anything that provides a solid dates for the main story beyond references to the Empire, Imperial troops, etc., nor anything that calls out when Naaran was first incarcerated. Cyborg Commando (talk) 16:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Would be good to specify "the Clone Wars of 22 BBY–19 BBY"
        • Added the start date. Would the end date be considered relevant in this context? Cyborg Commando (talk) 16:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
          • Yeah, I'd say so since his capture could only have happened within a specific time. OOM 224 (he/him) 16:24, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Also, you mention the Imperial era in "Personality and traits," but this should also be reflected in the "Biography" section so readers know that the events occurred during the time of the Empire.
    • "granted him youth beyond his true age" — it seems that it's just that his time relative to time outside stasis are different, so his age hasn't actually changed biologically, so the wording should be revised/removed.
      • Lure directly states "In fact, his time in stasis has kept him young and vigorous beyond his true age." Thoughts? If you still think the phrasing's not exactly right, I'm happy to change or remove it. Cyborg Commando (talk) 16:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
        • Hmm I suppose that's fine then. Not a fan of the source's wording myself :P OOM 224 (he/him) 16:24, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
    • "master of the lightsaber" — would be good to note down who said this quote.
      • It's from the sourcebook's description rather than an in-universe individual. Can be removed or taken out of quotes, whatever's appropriate, it just felt like an outstanding enough stamens that it ought to be noted somehow. Cyborg Commando (talk) 16:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
        • Ah I see. That means it's a factual statement, so no need to put in quotation marks. OOM 224 (he/him) 16:24, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
    • I know a lot of sources differ, but the capitalisation of "Dark side of the Force"/"Dark Side" should be standardised on Wookieepedia as "dark side of the Force"/"dark side" in prose.
    • For single-source subjects, there's no need to specify "first appeared." OOM 224 (he/him) 15:20, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Done. Cyborg Commando (talk) 16:01, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
        • Sorry, I should have made this clearer. "First" should be removed from the "Behind the scenes" section, but the template in Appearances isn't affected. OOM 224 (he/him) 16:24, 3 August 2023 (UTC)
Anil
  • Congrats on your first GAN! And as OOM said, this is such a good read already! The issues I find are mostly technical. I've also left a few "reviewing notes" about things I've fixed in my copy-edit but might be useful for your future nominations (which I'm looking forward to)!
    • (Reviewing note) They can be pretty hard to notice, but articles should avoid "smart" (also known as "typographic" or "curly") apostrophes per the Manual of Style. (I'm talking about the apostrophes that were used in "you'd" and "won't" in the first quote.) These usually end up in the article when copying texts from some websites or e-books.
    • (Reviewing note) The Layout Guide provides established layouts for articles to have consistent sectioning. For that reason, I've renamed the "History" section as "Biography" since the article is about a character.
    • (Reviewing note) This is not a Wook policy, but a real-life spelling rule I often forget myself: Compounds with adjectives ending in "-ly" shouldn't be hyphenated according to most reputable style guides.
    • (Reviewing note) For linking purposes, all references are treated as independent entities, so just like in the article body, subjects must be linked upon their first mention in each reference. (from Wookieepedia:Sourcing#Formatting)
    • When pipelinking, all characters should be placed inside the link brackets. For example, [[Anakin Skywalker|Darth Vader's]] rather then [[Anakin Skywalker|Darth Vader]]'s, but [[Luke Skywalker]]'s stays as it is since it's not a pipelink. You can see more examples about those here.
      • I think I caught any violations, but if I missed something let me know. Cyborg Commando (talk) 14:40, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
    • To easily distinguish them in the editing interface, em dashes should be used by typing "&mdash;" (also from MoS) TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 20:58, 7 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Fixed. Thanks for the detailed reviewing notes as well. Much appreciated, and good catches. Cyborg Commando (talk) 14:40, 8 August 2023 (UTC)
  • Compared to the length of the article body, I think the intro could use some expansion. For example, Rav Naaran being a Jedi General during the Clone Wars seems significant enough to be added in the intro, in my opinion.
  • Could you include a mention of Mount Tellec, which seems notable as almost all events mentioned on the page take place there?
  • The article Gatekeeper is for artificial personalities within a holocron. If the "gatekeepers" mentioned here are basically the individuals that control the prison, the links should be removed.
    • The Dawn Temple was largely managed by the gatekeepers stored in three holocrons. (The first is recovered and restored during Mountaintop Rescue, the others are introduced by Lure.) I can add context to the article to clarify, but beyond their connection to the temple, the Jailor's failure to treat Naaran, and the exposition about him they provide—already captured in the article—there isn't much more to say. Cyborg Commando (talk) 22:14, 11 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Then the linking is appropriate and I agree that the stuff about gatekeepers relevant to Naaran is well-covered. I think briefly explaining what a "gatekeeper" is upon its first mention can be beneficial and would avoid possible confusion for readers like me :P TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 22:00, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
  • I believe this incident at the Dawn Temple warrants an article of its own, which needs to be created so it won't be a redlink in this article. (I think the page for Lure of the Lost lists the event as Escape of Rav Naaran)
  • Some context for the Warden would be nice. If they are a gatekeeper like the Jailor, just adding that should suffice.
  • "The module served as a direct sequel to Mountaintop Rescue and identified Naaran as the mastermind behind much of the events of the first adventure." I am a bit confused about this statement in BTS. If Mountaintop Rescue features events masterminded by Rav Naaran, only without identifying him by name, I think they should be mentioned in this article without getting into too much detail that is not relevant to Naaran. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 21:22, 11 August 2023 (UTC)
    • From Lure of the Lost; "[Malefax] was not actually the mastermind behind the events of Mountaintop Rescue." The quoted sidebar goes on explain that it was due to Naaran that Malefax was able "bypass the Gatekeeper and a host of other security protocols besides," noting that this doesn't come into play until the third act (Naaran's escape). The statement identifies Malefax's responsibility for sabotaging the temple (noted in the article, not directly seen in Mountaintop) and that he was guided by Naaran (also not alluded to prior to Lure) while retroactively establishing that as the reason for his being there in the first place. That's wordy, but I can't think of anything in there that isn't already addressed. Let me know if you'd like to rephrase the statement present in the BTS somehow. Cyborg Commando (talk) 22:14, 11 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Gotcha. If the events Naaran indirectly influenced are already covered in the article, I don't think that BTS note is necessary then. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 22:00, 17 August 2023 (UTC)

Comments

  • Amazing work on the article so far! And I think that was pretty much all of my objections. After the recent changes though, the article now has 1,071 words, therefore ineligible for Good article status. If you want, I can archive this nomination so you can nominate it for Featured article status instead! TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 22:00, 17 August 2023 (UTC)
    • Please do, thank you very much. Let me know if there's anything for me to do beyond re-nominating as a FAN. Cyborg Commando (talk) 03:50, 18 August 2023 (UTC)
      • Thanks! I'll archive this shortly. And there isn't anything else you need to do. You can nominate it for FA status at your leisure. TanDivoInsignia-SenateMurders Anıl Şerifoğlu (talk) 20:08, 18 August 2023 (UTC)