Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Pythea

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Pythea

(4 ACs/2 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:20, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 13:28, September 24, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 21:30, September 24, 2010 (UTC)
  4. It's a ship! (: --Tm_T (Talk) 12:16, September 30, 2010 (UTC)
  5. It's a GA! ^^ Menkooroo 07:37, October 4, 2010 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:19, October 4, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Michiel

Copied from the CA-nom.

  • Type out the entire name for the Yuuzhan Vong, just Vong is an insult.
  • You're missing a few links:
    • "ship" needs to be linked to starship in the History section and infobox. (in the first sentence)
    • "obliterated" can link to that battle, Battle of Arbeloa's species planet (first sentence)
    • "killed" to death. (boarding party sentence)
    • "individual" to Dulac. (last sentence)
  • "recieved" is misspelled in the first sentence: received.
  • Intro can be expanded.
  • Double use of fleet in "fleet's trajectory of the fleet." And place a comma before the following "than."
  • From the comic I got the impression the Yuuzhan Vong cought up with the Pythia, rather than the Pythia going back to them. They rerouted the Pythea's power to send the message to Artorias, which is how the Yuuzhan Vong cought up, so maybe add that instead.
    • Looks like I misread it, they do fly towards the fleet. The part of rerouting the power is still missing though.
  • Maybe add another sentence on the contact with Artorias. Right now it reads like they just sent a warning, while in fact they had a conversation with the Yuuzhan Vong spy.
  • "Vong ships penetrated the hull and began to board the ship." Specify that Yuuzhan Vong warriors boarded the ship, now it sounds like the Vong ships did.
  • "sealing the fate for both ships" is a bit ambigious, just say they were both destroyed.
  • The Bts could be expanded. Explain how the Pythia first appeared online and how the comics were then collected in Invasion 0, and if/how the Pythea's appearance was expanded in it.
  • There are two different references for Invasion 0, Part 1.

Some New Ones:

  • Last sentence needs capitalization.
  • You might want to add some more on how the Artorians were completely surprised by the attack.
    • Added more to the sentence.
      • You can probably make this it's own sentence, now it just seems a bit tagged on. Also, the message and the spy didn't set the stage for the battle, but is related more to the fact that Artorias was unaware of it, so make that the main focus.$Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Add a quote. I'd suggest "This is the exploratory ship...from our scanners" but feel free to chose another.
    • I've added "This is the exploratory ship..." in the beginning, and "Tear their arms off" later.
  • You don't have to link entire clauses, one word is enough. "Had obliterated" can be linked on just "obliterated" and "the only individual..." to "individual."
    • Done.
  • The intro doesn't say how the message was relayed. First it says the Pythea was too far away and at the end it says the receiver was a Yuuzhan Vong.
  • You don't have to place a reference directly after "In 25 ABY."
    • Removed.
  • Maybe add something more about the ship's owners. Their species for example.
  • Remove the space before the second reference, it needs to come directly after the sentence.

That's all from me. $Michiel$ 10:09, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

A few more:

  • Intro:
    • You can remove "on Artorias" in the final sentence. You've already said the message was sent to Artorias.
    • "The Pythea sacrificed itself...experimenting upon them." You've got both "itself" and "them" referring to the same subject. Use something like "Panha and Sarkkin sacrificed themselves by ramming the Pythia..."
  • History:
  • Don't forget to sign when you comment, I almost overlooked it. That's all for now. $Michiel$ 11:34, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • Well done, I've made a few minor edits as well. $Michiel$ 18:24, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358
Cav
Jujiggum
  • Remember not to link anything in quote captions unless it does not appear at all elsewhere in the article.
  • 25BBY? I assume you mean ABY?
  • "The crew attempted to contact Artorias, but were too far away to reach it, though the crew later managed to relay the message succesfully to Artorias by reouting all power to the transmission." This could probably be cut down and worded less awkwardly. Maybe just say that they were at such a distance that they had to reroute all power to the transmission in order to relay the message.
  • You might also want to mention the messaging equipment that the ship had in the Description.
  • "…that had obliterated his homeworld." Whose homeworld? You haven't identified a single person yet.
  • "At the same time, their long-range scanners…" Same thing here. Whose long range scanners?
  • "Deciding it was more important to get closer and warn Artorias than it was to escape, the ship edged toward the fleet, even as as it sent several ships commanded by Azca to intercept them, and rerouted all power to the transmission." This implies that the Pythea sent several shipscommanded by Azca to intercept them.
  • "Yorik-Vec ships began to fire upon it." Upon what? The Pythea?
  • In the history: Panha and Sarkkin? Who are they? You have given no context on them thus far, and this sudden mention is confusing. Remember to contextify everything once in the intro and once in the main body.
  • "Panha and Sarkkin sent all the data they had gathered on the armada and it had been received as the Yuuzhan Vong penetrated the hull and warriors began to board the ship." Incorrect grammar, and this is also completely confusing. Didn't you already previously say this, anyway?
    • Actually, I said the Vong began to board (as in they cut the ship open or whatever it is they do) and then they finished the boarding (as in they entered the ship). Between those two, the crew talked to Dulac. Also, while rereading it, I myself found it was confusing and I have changed it.--BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal!) 01:37, September 8, 2010 (UTC)
  • "realizing the Yuuzhan Vong wanted to take them alive rather than kill them, the Pythea rammed…" Grammatically, this says that the Pythea realized that the Vong wanted to take them alive and so thus decided to ram the Vong ship. Please fix.
    • Fixed.
  • "The Pythea's sacrifice became one of the first strikes against the Yuuzhan Vong." Is this really needed? Also, does the source actually say this; it sounds kinda speculative to me. Just because the action took place within the first year of the war doesn't mean it was "one of the first strikes."
  • "The warning to Artorias, however, was in vain, as Dulac, the being who received the message, was in reality a Yuuzhan Vong spy. Because of this, the Artorian population was taken by surprise by the Yuuzhan Vong, resulting in the Battle of Artorias, in which thousands of civilians were killed or enslaved by the invaders." Could you cut this down a little bit? This doesn't need to be quite so detailed.
  • Hmm, the head quote's caption makes it sound like Panha was talking directly to Duloc, as in they exchanged words. However, the rest of the article makes it sound like they never did exchange words, rather, Duloc intercepted the message. If the latter is correct, please change the "to Duloc" from the head quote caption, because she wasn't actually saying that to Duloc in that case. If the former is correct, then please adjust the rest of the article to make it more clear that she spoke directly with Duloc.
  • You have conflicting info in the article. According to the BTS, the ship was created for the Refugees story arc. However, in the appearances section you list two issues that do not appear in the Refugees arc. I believe you mean the Refugees, Prologue, in which the two listed comics do appear.
  • In general there were several scattered grammar mistakes throughout the article, please watch for these very carefully in the future. Also, there were several linking mistakes that I corrected during my copy-edit. Remember that piloting should be linked as [[Pilot/Legends|pilot]]ing and not as [[Pilot/Legends|piloting]]. Also, there is no reason to pipelink things like [[Cockpit/Legends|cockpit]]; simply [[Cockpit/Legends|cockpit]] is fine. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:13, September 6, 2010 (UTC)
  • Last one: you have a tense shift in the last sentence of the History section. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:10, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
  • Okay, I lied: this is the last one :P. You say that Artorias was "decimated." I could be wrong, but I didn't think the planet itself was destroyed in the attack… Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:11, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
Cav, part two
  • Context for Yuuzhan Vong needed in the intro.
    • Added "extragalactic" for intro and bio.
  • had several long blaster cannons on the front and back of the cockpit, which housed the piloting equipment. Please rephrase this; as it stands, it implies that the piloting controls were in the blasters.
    • Fixed.
  • Context needed for Arbeloa and Yuuzhan Vong needed in the bio.
    • Still need context for the Vong here, and in the intro
  • The boarding party was killed by the crew, and realizing that the Yuuzhan Vong wanted to take them alive rather than kill them, Panha and Sarkkin rammed the Pythea into a Miid ro'ik cruiser to prevent that from happening, destroying both the cruiser and the Pythea, as well as several Yorik-Vecs nearby Very long run-on sentence. Please break up and rewrite.
    • Broken up. Better?
  • The Pythea's sacrifice became one of the first strikes against the Yuuzhan Vong. This seems a bit too POV, and is probably not supported by the source. I would consider deleting this.
    • Jonjedi said that too. But the source does indeed confirm that "Their last desperate act of defiance was one of the first strikes against the Yuuzhan Vong."
  • What was Dulac's position on Artorias? Was he important?
    • The source doesn't state what his position was besides that he was a friend to the king. I've added that.--BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission) 02:44, September 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Some resolution to the attack on Artorias is needed. Who won? - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 21:17, September 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • One extra objection: there appears to be Aurebesh writing on the side of the ship. Can you translate it and add the information to the article? - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:25, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
    • There is Aurebesh, but the letters are Usk and Dorn, so that means..."ud".--BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal!) 19:30, September 12, 2010 (UTC)
      • Doesn't matter what it says, or if you don't know what it stands for. Its on the side of the ship, and should be noted in the description section. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:22, September 13, 2010 (UTC)
        • I completely agree, and I hope you didn't take what I said the wrong way. I was simply informing you of what it translated to. Added. --BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission) 00:21, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
          • No, that's fine. Just making sure you understood that the information should be added regardless of whether we know the significance of it or not. Almost there, just a few minor objections still outstanding. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:42, September 16, 2010 (UTC)
Debbie Downer
  • Could you insert Panha's and Sarkkin's gender and species earlier in the body?
    • Inserted.
      • No need to have them twice. Remove them from the C&C section. 1358 (Talk) 17:50, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
        • OK, then. Removed.
  • Context on Azca?
    • There's not really much to give him, besides that he was a YV and that he commanded some ships--which I've already stated. He doesn't even have a title.--BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission) 20:45, September 19, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Before the Pythea could defend against them, Yorik-Vec ships began firing on the exploratory vessel." Reads strange. The Pythea could defend what against whom?
  • 1358 (Talk) 21:27, September 18, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Is there any specific reason why "Exploratory Ship" is capitalized in the infobox? Because it is not capitalized in the lead quote or in any other mention within the rest of the article.
    • No, there's no reason. Removed.
  • This reference of the Yuuzhan Vong "experimenting upon them" is made in such a way that it's being treated almost as common knowledge that the reader should know exactly what this is referring to, when that is not the case. Please add some brief context or some kind of descriptor to accompany this in order to spell out the meaning of this: "to prevent the Yuuzhan Vong from experimenting upon them."
    • I see what you mean, but the source deosn't state what what experiments the YV were preparing to do. One YV states that he wants to know "how they function, how they move...and how much pressure they can take before they burst", but, again, the experiments themselves are not defined. If you still would like to see anyway, please see here.
  • Moreover, as I read through the rest of the article, I notice that no mention of this experimentation is ever really made in the body of the article itself. Please rectify this in some form. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:22, October 1, 2010 (UTC)
  • To piggyback off my second objection, after reading through the story myself, unless I've missed it, there's no mention of any such experimentation going on. It's only mentioned that the YV want to take their prey alive to learn more about their anatomical capabilities and restrictions (though I suspect the comment about how much pressure they can take is made in sinister sarcasm). I would suggest rewording the article's references of "experimentation" to something along those lines. Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:39, October 2, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:19, October 4, 2010 (UTC)


  • Since hopefully this nom will be wrapping up in the next few days, I'd like to thank all reviewers for making sure the Pythea is, pun intended, ship-shape for GA. Sincerely, BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission) 23:48, September 25, 2010 (UTC)