Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Political uprising of Empress Teta system

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Political Uprising of Empress Teta system

(+6)

Support

  1. —Tommy9281(Maybe it is time to liberate YOU!) 15:36, 2 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. Good work. Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:38, 5 April 2008 (UTC)
  3. Greyman Jan.png (Talk) 21:01, 13 April 2008 (UTC)
  4. Goodwood Redstarbird (Alliance Intelligence) 20:18, 29 April 2008 (UTC)
  5. Graestan(Talk) 13:53, 7 May 2008 (UTC)
  6. Toprawa and Ralltiir 00:24, 9 May 2008 (UTC)

Object

  1. From the Bridge of Chack Jadson:
    • "Nonetheless Lord Keto was pleased, as the sale of carbonite was a beneficial part of Tetan economy." Rephrase.
      • Addressed.
    • "Keto's son Satal, and his cousin Aleema had arrived at the station, escorted by the royal tutor Korus. Obviously unaware of their visit, Bearus allowed for the Emperor's children to join he and Lord Keto on the inspection." How was he obviously unaware of their visit?
      • Addressed.
    • Also, why did Keto not want them to come?
      • Addressed.
    • "Keto tried to have his children arrested, but when the guard reached for the control console to call for help, Aleema stopped him short by turning the console into a womp rat." Aleema was his niece though.
      • Addressed.
    • "With their uncle completely confounded, Aleema and Satal proclaimed themselves the new rulers of the Empress Teta system." Again, Satal was his son. Perhaps just call him the emperor.
      • Addressed.
    • You use "while" in two consecutive sentences in “Final stages.”
      • Addressed.
    • "While discussing their next plans, tutor Korus, whos face had been hideously disfigured by Aleema's sorcery, approached with wine for the Krath leaders." Change “whos”.
      • Addressed.
    • Overall, it's a nice article. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:31, 4 April 2008 (UTC)
  2. From Greyman:
    • Again, you don't need to necessarily use double references for everything like you've done. If the information is the same in both sources, just pick one appearance/source to use instead of over-referencing.
      • Addressed.
    • The article appears too crammed with pictures, in my opinion. I suggest picking one or two pictures that you don't necessarily feel support the text, and remove them to make the article flow better.
      • Addressed.
    • The Sources section needs to be formatted correctly, so that book titles are italicized.
      • Addressed.
    • The infobox picture needs to be cropped—there is a black border present in the top right hand corner, among some other smaller places.Greyman Jan.png (Talk) 01:54, 12 April 2008 (UTC)
      • Addressed.
  3. From Graestan the Mighty:
    • The two outcomes in the infobox are a bit redundant, given the nature of the conflict; perhaps the shorter one could just go.
      • Addressed.
    • The paragraph in "Background" has a bit of a play-by-play read to it, which I think could be fixed somewhat if some of the information was moved. For instance, instead of stating what Bearus was talking about, that information could be used as part of the initial setup at the beginning of the paragraph.
      • Addressed.
    • The wording "just then" is a testament to my statement about play-by-play. See if this can be avoided throughout the article. The "Aftermath" section actually provides a great example of what I'm looking for. I'll check up on it as a whole in a few days.
      • Addressed.
    • However, some of the information in "Final stages" is redundant with that in "Aftermath," and this should be remedied.
      • Not quite sure what to change; the "final stage" section discusses the Krath putting minor resistances & Korus' death, while "aftermath" talks about the battle of Empress Teta, & the Jedi/Republic defeat. Please advise.
    • This article is great, and is almost complete. Keep at it, and I think it has future FA potential! Graestan(Talk) 03:06, 27 April 2008 (UTC)
  4. Toprawa
    • Is there a reason why this page has the word "system" in parentheses? Should it not be under "Political Uprising of Empress Teta system"?
      • I figured the "the" would disrupt the aesthetic flow of the title, so I added parentheses to the system to differentiate from the actual planet of the Empress herself. I've changed it however, to comply with the objection.
    • Your infobox is very difficult to read. To just lay it out there, it's a mess. You've got it formatted as though it were in columns like the battle infobox. This needs to be cleaned up somehow.
      • Addressed...I think.
        • It looks better, but you can still salvage the participants that you removed by adding double bullets under each primary group
    • Your intro is desperately in need of expansion.
      • Addressed.
    • We'll continue once these objections are remedied. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:36, 28 April 2008 (UTC)
    • Your Background section starts with a very rough transition. Please write a better introduction sentence to begin the main body of the article Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:35, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Comments