Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Phlac-Arphocc Automata Industries

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a Good article nomination that was withdrawn. Please do not modify it.

Phlac-Arphocc Automata Industries

  • Nominated by: Erebus Chronus (Talk) 03:18, 1 October 2023 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:
  • Date Archived: 15:40, 4 November 2023 (UTC)
  • Final word count: 356 words (77 introduction, 218 body, 61 behind the scenes)
  • WookieeProject (optional): WP:CIS, WP:FFGAMES

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

(Votes required: 3 AC vote(s) required to reach minimum. Additional 2 user or 1 AC votes required to pass.)

Support

Object

Fan
  • "became associated in terms of production" There's got to be a less confusing way to word this.
    • changed.
  • "When the Clone Wars entangled the Confederacy of Independent Systems and Galactic Republic in galactic conquest," this is just an informal, unencyclopedic, and needlessly complicated way to describe something which should be very simple and straightforward to describe.
  • If that image actually depicts the Phlac-Arphocc Protoype and not just some random twi-fighter under construction, than the caption should reflect that. Fan26 (Talk) 17:09, 1 October 2023 (UTC)
    • not really sure how that works, but fine. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 03:02, 2 October 2023 (UTC)
      • I didn't suggest you switch the images-I actually think the Phlac-Arphocc Protoype is the better image here as the prototype specifically built by this company, as opposed to the finished product created in collaboration with another company. I think you should revert to the prototype image, with a caption specifying what it is.
        • done.
  • Speaking of the prototype, the actual card uses 'prototype' but the page itself is currently at 'protoype'. This typo needs to be rectified via a page move and then the link updated here.
    • No offense, but this could've easily been done without an objection.
  • " the two partnered companies " You should just outright state their names here otherwise it's confusing who exactly you're referring to. You establish Phlac-Arphocc and Colla as associated with one another not partnered, and then between that and this bit about the partnered companies you mention that Phlac-Arphocc firmed with the CIS. It's not impossible to tell the partnered companies are Phlac-Arphocc and Colla, it is however very confusingly-worded. Fan26 (Talk) 01:21, 14 October 2023 (UTC)
  • "what was to be one of the best aerospace superiority starfighters in the galaxy" WP:NPOV applies here, and if this is reflective of something the source claims it will need to be reworded for both neutrality and unencyclopedic tone. Fan26 (Talk) 21:23, 29 October 2023 (UTC)
Lew
  • I'd like to see the context for what Colla Designs is moved it the first mention of the copy in the body. Lewisr (talk) 15:43, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
    • Wasn't sure it mattered where the context was placed, as long as it was used.
      • It works better imo if you introduce it at their first mention Lewisr (talk) 22:38, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
  • Context for Colla Designs in the intro, Colicoid Creation Nest in the intro and body, and then for Baktoid Fleet Ordnance and Haor Chall Engineering in the intro should be added Lewisr (talk) 15:43, 22 October 2023 (UTC)
    • I can do Colla Designs' context, but the sentence for the other two provides their context as building companies. Erebus Chronus (Talk) 21:27, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
      • While it says they built stuff, it doesn't provide that they are companies Lewisr (talk) 22:38, 28 October 2023 (UTC)
Editor
  • I think the line "the Confederacy of Independent Systems naval forces' fightercraft designers" should be "a fightercraft designer for the Confederacy of Independent Systems naval forces'", since we should not assume it was the only designer. And also I think it is not the only designer lol Editoronthewiki (talk) 23:59, 29 October 2023 (UTC)

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