- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Palleus Chuff
- Nominated by: Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 14:54, 9 November 2008 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: I tried one more for GA.
(3 AC/4 users/7 total)
Support
- IFYLOFD (And now, young Skywalker, you will die.) 21:05, 18 November 2008 (UTC)
Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 10:24, 12 January 2009 (UTC)
--Eyrezer 22:10, 27 January 2009 (UTC)- After a big-ish copy-edit. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 07:50, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
- QuiGonJinnBe mindful of the Living Force...
10:36, 31 January 2009 (UTC) - Jinzler 21:24, 6 February 2009 (UTC)
- Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:48, 9 February 2009 (UTC)
Object
- IFYLOFD:
In the intro: "In 20 BBY the Galactic Republic government asked him to play Yoda in reality going to a mission to Ithor, while the real Yoda was on a secret mission to Vjun with two Masters and two Padawans." Split up and/or reword this sentence.- Addressed
"Due to that small size, he often portrayed characters that he absulotely disliked." Why did his small size force him to play characters he disliked?- Addressed
"Chuff should play Yoda in reality going to a mission to Ithor." This confuses me a little. Is he playing Yoda or going on a mission to Ithor? Clear this up a little.- Addressed
"He also did not have the heart to answer the journalist's question." Who is the journalist?- Addressed
The article could use a good copy-edit.- I have tried it as far as possible. If you still see something, please advise.
"The Dark Jedi Asajj Ventress heart about Chuff's mission in the media and decided to lie in wait for him, because she knew that a dead Yoda would be a catastrophe for the Jedi Order." Why would Yoda's death be catastrophic?- Addressed
The prose itself is a bit choppy. Merge some short sentences that distupt the flow of the article together.- Also tried this as far as possible. If you still see something, please advise.
"After Yoda had already done four of five" Four of five of what?- Addressed
Any quotes?IFYLOFD (And now, young Skywalker, you will die.) 01:18, 10 November 2008 (UTC)- Added one, the rest are only such simple quotes like "Thank you." or "May the Force be with you.". Thank you for the review. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 21:22, 16 November 2008 (UTC)
- Chack Attack:
"enjoyed playing roles, especially playing heros." Could be phrased better.- Addressed
Clarify the "as he was going to a mission" bit in the intro.- Addressed
"Asajj Ventress intended to kill Chuff because she felt confident that Yoda flew the courier." Bad wording.- Addressed
"because the play got good criticism from the media, for example by the TriNebulon News." This reads very awkwardly.- Addressed
"There was also a fan called Charpp who watched Jedi! 15 times." Only include if you can tie it in to the article better.- Removed, because it is not really important for the life of Palleus Chuff.
"When he was finally on his own, one of his major goals was not to disappoint Yoda. For that reason, he ignored his thinkings of a killer droid shooting him. It was eventually an easy job for him to cut off the supports off the Last Call by using the lightsaber Yoda gave him." These sentences don't tie well together.- Rephrased
"He instantaneously went to the turbolifts after that where he already imagined his own death, when Yoda suddenly arrived." Bad wording.- Rephrased.
"In addition, his colleagues eventually saw his witty qualities. Since childhood, Chuff had the fear of flying as well as the fear of closed spaces."I'd suggest you split this second sentence into the start of a new paragraph.- Addressed
"Another important thing at that time was Yoda's safety. Therefore, he warned him of the battle droids that were looking for him." Also, poor phrasing here.- Addressed
There are several spelling and grammatical errors. I apologize for not fixing this myself, but I think it'd be good for you to do this. (Also, after cleaning some stuff up, Wikia locked the site, erasing my edit).- I corrected every error I could find.
Also, should the play be italicized? Check the book.- Addressed (Yes, it is italicized.)
- A good copyedit would go a long way towards making this article better. Concentrate on cleaning up the prose throughout the article; there are many instances where things read poorly and that drags the article down. I may have some poor stuff later; deal with this for now and we'll see how that goes. And don't get worried if this seems like a lot. It's not as bad as you may think. Chack Jadson (Talk) 21:37, 24 November 2008 (UTC)
- I have cleaned up every poor sentence/wording I could see. If you still see something - which may be the case as wording is not one of my strengths - please advise. Thank you for the review. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 20:14, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
"a little peeved" Too colloquial.- Addressed
"Restricted by his height, he often had to portray characters that he found strange." It seems like there could be a better adjective than strange here.- Addressed
"In 20 BBY Chuff portrayed Yoda as he was going to a mission to Ithor in order to keep the galaxy believing Yoda found himself in Ithor." Not worded well.- Addressed
"Full of shaky courage, he went ahead to cut the support legs off the Last Call. Already imagining his own death, the courage went away until Yoda arrived to save him from the suction." Again, this is a little confusing, and needs better wording.Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:02, 7 December 2008 (UTC)- Addressed. Thank you for looking again. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 13:57, 14 December 2008 (UTC)
"Palleus Chuff was a person who frequently attended role-playing games in his childhood" This should be rephrased to flow better.- Addressed
You're getting there, but there's still more work to be done. I suggest you go through, read this and do your best work at cleaning up grammar and improving sentence phrasing. A good cleanup would go a long way. Keep up the diligent work!Chack Jadson (Talk) 23:18, 23 December 2008 (UTC)- I think it should be better now. I've done a bit myself, but especially after the great copy-edits by Cav, Eyrezer and Soresumakashi, the sentences should be better now. Let me know, if more copy-editing is required. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 11:55, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
Farlstendoiro: Greetings, my first time objecting. Small thing.In the intro, the following string of characters appears twice: her ship, the Last Call. I think it could be reworded, and the second time it should not be a hyperlink. IMHO, and I am open to discussion if needed.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 12:21, 28 November 2008 (UTC)- Reworded. Thank you for the review. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 12:02, 29 November 2008 (UTC)
According to Wookieepedia:Sourcing articles with only one source or appearance should not be referenced. You may therefore want to remove all the referencing tags--Jinzler 21:23, 11 December 2008 (UTC)- Actually, You are right, but it is still ok to use references in single-source articles. For example, the administrator Toprawa and Ralltiir uses them, and I also like to use them. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 14:36, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
- Fair enough, it's up to you really. I'll strike my objection --Jinzler 20:01, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
- Actually, You are right, but it is still ok to use references in single-source articles. For example, the administrator Toprawa and Ralltiir uses them, and I also like to use them. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 14:36, 12 December 2008 (UTC)
- Toprawa:
This entire last bit is in need of a good rewrite for greater clarification and context. Don't assume anyone knows what's going on. What courier? What new scheme? I would recommend tackling this bit from scratch. Details are your friend. "Arriving in the Ottega system, the Dark Jedi Asajj Ventress intended to kill Chuff because she erroneously believed that the person in the courier was the Jedi Master. However, she found out that the passenger was only a decoy and captured him in her ship, the Last Call, to implement her new scheme. Chuff finally gained revenge in Phindar—while Ventress made an attempt to kill the real Yoda—by engaging her ship's hyperdrive for a random hyperspace jump. " Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:27, 6 January 2009 (UTC)- I think it's clarified now. Thank you for the review. If you think that the intro still needs some work or anything else is needed, just let me know. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 10:25, 24 January 2009 (UTC)
- From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
The last paragraph of the bio could do with revising/expanding to better clarify the events surround Chuff and Yoda's mission to save the spaceport. Why is Yoda cutting the support legs? Why will cutting the legs save the spaceport? It is a little unclear. - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 12:30, 8 January 2009 (UTC)- I have expanded this as much as possible, but unfortunately Yoda: Dark Rendezvous only has few information regarding this. Nevertheless, thank you for the review and the cleanup. If you think that there's still something else needed, just let me know. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 21:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)
I have noticed that there is no article for the attack on the Phindar Spaceport. Perhaps it would be a good idea for you to put in a redlink to one--Jinzler 22:13, 1 February 2009 (UTC)- Added and thank you for the review. If more work is needed, just let me know. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 13:22, 6 February 2009 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 01:45, 10 February 2009 (UTC)
- Pranay Sobusk: I saw you have fixed my objections. I plan on looking through the article within the next two days, and striking my objections. I apologize for the delay. Chack Jadson (Talk) 00:15, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
- No problem. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 20:41, 5 December 2008 (UTC)
- Pranay, spaces between punctuation and reference note are not necessary. Please avoid that. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:27, 6 January 2009 (UTC)
- Thank you for the review, Toprawa. The spaces are now removed from the article. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 21:19, 10 January 2009 (UTC)