Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Ovarra

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Ovarra

  • Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 02:18, 06 May 09 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:Yep, another Wookiee nom. Sorry its not pink this time. It's just a really old chick. :(

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Pre-nom objections addressed in IRC. Cylka-talk- 02:32, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. Well done, Kilson of PIE. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi beacon) 20:04, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 00:11, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. ... I still hate PIE. <runs off> IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 16:34, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 22:47, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Floyd is in the house:
    • "Ikvizi hired a spacer to prove his innocence. " Prove whose innocence? Clarify.
    • "The most notable of these was bribing a guard to let him examine the corpse a Wookiee hunter who had died in the Shadowlands." Reword, as it sounds like it could be referring to the people testifying or the allegations.
    • .Any quotes for P&T?
    • Nice job. IFYLOFD (You will pay the price for your lack of vision!) 02:46, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
      • All of your objections are addressed. Thank you for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 19:26, 07 May 09 (UTC)
  2. The Grand Master
    • "she would make sure Ikvizi would get a light punishment." Seems a little colloquial, please reword.
    • "but a group of Trandoshan slavers doing painful experiments on Wookiee captives." "Doing" is a little awkward, reword please.
    • "Ikvizi decided to sneak into the camp and find some proof to take back to Kachirho" This is unclear as well. Why is he findinng "proof"? (I understand what you're trying to say, but it isn't clear in the text why Ikvizi is taking "proof" back to Kachirho.)
    • " there were suddenly a whole slew of people testifying against him" Somewhat colloquial, please reword.
    • Context on the Shadowlands.
    • "The spacer returned to Kachirho and brought the documents to Ikvizi, who, after looking them over, told the spacer to give the documents to Ovarra, who was at Kachirho's center tree, the center of government for Kachirho, at the time." This needs to be broken up into multiple sentences or with dashes.
    • "she cleared Ikvizi of the dangerous experiment charges" "Dangerous expirement charges" is also somewhat colloquial/unclear.
    • "Ovarra said she would argue for him to receive a lenient sentence" This is somewhat awkward, please reword.
    • "'sent a patrol to stop the remaining Trandoshans" Specify earlier who these remaining Trandoshans are, such as: "to stop the Trandoshans that remained back at the camp", or something along those lines.
    • "She showed this when she still charged Ikvizi with bribing the guards to examine a Wookiee's corpse." "She showed this when she still charged…" is a little awkward, please reword.
    • "already preexisting" is somewhat redundant. Remove "already" or reword.
    • Keep up the good work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi beacon) 02:59, 7 May 2009 (UTC)
      • I addressed your objections. And thank you, I try. :P Kilson Likes PIE 19:17, 07 May 09 (UTC)
  3. Attack of the Clone
    • Please change "light punishment" to something less colloquial and perhaps more specific.
    • "documents implicating him in a plan to perform harmful experiments on the Wookiees": needs rewording to be clearer.
      • I reworded it, how about now?
    • "During the trial, there were suddenly many people testifying against him": comes out of nowhere, making it sound like the people appeared straight out of thin air.
      • The game never identified who made these testimonies, or why for that matter.
    • Please change "things" to something more specific and less colloquial.
    • "The most notable of these testimonies was when Ikviz bribed a guard to let him examine the corpse of a Wookiee hunter who had died in the Shadowlands, the dark ground level of Kashyyyk." It's unclear who the testimony came from.
      • Once again, they were never identified.
    • "Ovarra was very skeptical of the evidence provided in the trial, but it still seemed that Ikvizi was going to be found guilty by the judges." It sounds like Ovarra wasn't a judge herself, despite the fact that you mentioned before that she was; please reword or at least change it to "other judges".
    • "She then sent a patrol to stop the Trandoshans that remained at the camp so that they would not be able to continue harming the Wookiee populace." It wasn't mentioned that several left in the first place; please check and/or clarify.
      • Sorry, I forgot to say that the spacer killed some of the slavers.
    • "as she said she should argue that the Geonosian would get a lenient sentence for his crimes": unclear; please check.
      • She never explained exactly what she meant.
    • "this article assumes 100% game completion": way too OOU.
    • Overall, the article seems to be focusing too much on Ikvizi; please try to write it from Ovarra's perspective with only a few sentences dedicated to the story behind the framing of Ikvizi instead of a whole paragraph. In addition, Ikvizi's hiring of a spacer seems to be too much from his perspective as well instead of Ovarra's. CC7567 (talk) 00:02, 8 May 2009 (UTC)
      • I tried to reword the article so it sound like it's coming from Ovarra's perspective. I addressed your other objections, and thanks for the review. Kilon Likes PIE 00:01, 08 May 09 (UTC)
  4. "He was captured and thrown in jail, and was sent to trial." The two "and"s should be reworded. Grunny (Talk) 05:31, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments