Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Neimoidian controller (Saak'ak)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Neimoidian controller (Saak'ak)

  • Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 22:30, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Finally! I have wait a long time for this. Lets not screw it up.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. I'll vote! Just don't hurt me! Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:25, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 21:26, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
  3. Nice work. Watch out for contractions, though; they are not very encyclopedic. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 19:56, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
    I think this should be. Mastergarrett9 13:36, Febuary 3, 2010 (UTC) (Vote stricken per WP:SIV. Xd1358 Talk 18:37, February 3, 2010 (UTC))
  4. Nice article, you've got my vote! --Celtic22 19:59, February 3, 2010 (UTC)
  5. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 19:09, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:56, February 16, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Please work on your grammar. This is a requirement per GAN Rule 1: an article must be well-written, and "well-written" includes good grammar. Incorrect grmmar furthermore makes it difficult to review articles, as it often makes the meaning of certain phrases confusing. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 22:55, November 30, 2009 (UTC)
    • Ookay, I have now read the whole article. I fixed the errors I found, but if theres more of them, could you give me at least one example. I know it's not your job, but it would greatly help me in future. Kreivi Wolter 11:29, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  2. Skippy'll have a look
    • Bio: Context for the "blockade of Naboo" and for "the crisis". You could also mention that Gunray was the Neimoidian in charge of the operation.
      • Fixed the crisis, but I wonder is it really necessary to tell about Gunray's role in this article? Kreivi Wolter 12:27, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • He then managed to open the door. Consider Kenobi then managed to avoid ambiguity.
    • Kenobi decided to find a way to cut the doors power off by destroying the generator, which caused the Neimoidian controller to deny it by screaming. What's "it"? What is he denying? The obvious fact that the generator has been destroyed?
      • XD when you put it in that way. Uhh, better now? Kreivi Wolter 12:27, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • was later able to escape from the ship. Who did so?
    • Please reword the following as I cannot really understand what you mean: Kenobi then questioned the controller about his work on the room, which the Neimoidian replied that he was monitoring the power generators of the hangar bay; also Kenobi cared for little
    • I like this. Consider creating a sub-category of images for this guy's. Skippy Farlstendoiro 11:40, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
      • Why the h*ll not? : ) Thanks for the review. Kreivi Wolter 12:27, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  3. The Grand Master
    • Is the "small room full of computers" the room from which he controlled the hangar bay power generators? If so, please clarify this.
    • "which caused the Neimoidian controller to deny him to do so by screaming." Do you mean the Neimoidian tried to prevent him from doing so by screaming? Please clarify.
      • Removed "by screaming". Better now? Kreivi Wolter 20:34, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
        • "By screaming" wasn't really the problem. What you mean by "To deny him to do so" is still unclear. This wording does not work here.
          • Hmmm. I tried to describe this quote: "No! Don't touch the power generator". Damn, how do I have to say it? Kreivi Wolter 18:48, December 7, 2009 (UTC)
            • That's not "denying" him anything. "Deny" is the problem with the current wording.
              • What word would suit better? Kreivi Wolter 20:09, December 7, 2009 (UTC)
                • Probably something like "prevent." Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 01:21, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
                  • But "prevent" would indicate that he tried to stop the Jedi, but he only told him not to do it. Hmm, I have to say, I'm not sure how you say that in english... could the word "forbid" do the trick? Kreivi Wolter 12:23, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
                    • Hmm, then perhaps "to yell at him not to touch the generator," or something like that?
                      • Hey, there it is! That fits perfectly. Thank you for you help, again. Kreivi Wolter 19:53, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • "When the generator was destroyed, he only wanted to be left alone." Why did he want to be left alone?
      • I dont know. In the game, he only says "Please, leave me alone". Kreivi Wolter 20:34, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • Because the player can choose not to interact with the controller, you should add in the bts that it is unknown if any actual conversation between Kenobi and the controller took place in canon.
      • I would rather not. Its already told by the Gamemechanics-template. Just like in the article Unidentified Naboo merchant, which is a good article. Kreivi Wolter 20:34, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
        • In that game the player has to interact with the merchant. It is the player's choice whether to kill or realease him, but either way the player must interact with him. The player does not have to interact with this controller. For an example of what I mean, see such good articles as Kadir and Larrim.
          • Um, the player dont actually have to interact with the merchant. In game, it is entire possible not to even meet him, and the player dont even have to. Kreivi Wolter 15:11, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
            • Well then that article has incorrect information, and I will bring this up at the next AC meeting. However, the fact remains that the player's conversation with the Neimoidian may or may not have canonically taken place, and thus even if it did take place, the form of the conversation is unknown (unless there are no options for what you say during the game), and this needs to be stated in your article.
              • No need to do that; the merchant has been updated accordingly. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:27, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
                • Well, what can I say to that? Better now? Kreivi Wolter 18:48, December 7, 2009 (UTC)
    • I have gone through and fixed some some more of your grammar, but please continue to work on this in the future. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:35, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
  4. Have you checked the game guide for a mention/any new information? QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:39, December 1, 2009 (UTC)
    • Of what? Damn, I didn't even knew that that exist. Kreivi Wolter 05:57, December 2, 2009 (UTC)
      • Just FYI, almost every Star Wars game (except the handheld, cellphone, flash and old Atari/NES/Arcade ones) has an accompanying strategy guide, so you must be sure to have them checked before nominating an article from a video game. This time, you could try contacting Jaymach, who has the guide, but it's quite hard to catch up with him. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 20:27, December 4, 2009 (UTC)
        • Ookay, I keep that in mind. I asked the said user about the mention. Now we can only wait :¨( Kreivi Wolter 18:48, December 7, 2009 (UTC)
          • Doesn't the guide include a Voice cast-section? In that case, aren't all of the characters undoubtedly mentioned in the book? Kreivi Wolter 15:51, December 22, 2009 (UTC)
            • All done. Finally I found someone who owns that book here on Finland. Kreivi Wolter 19:15, January 5, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Fett
    • "During the Federation's blockade of the planet Naboo he worked in a small computer room in the Saak'ak, where he was confronted and questioned by Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi..."' Obi-Wan was still a Padawan during the blockade of Naboo. He officially became a Knight after Yoda knighted him, which was after the blockade and the capture of Gunray.
      • And after the death of Darth Maul : ) . I realized it this morning. Kreivi Wolter 16:00, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
    • "However, Trade Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray, under the command of Sith Lord Darth Sidious, intended to kill the Jedi and begin the Invasion of Naboo." Quite confusing. Gunray did not intended to kill Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon, he wanted to after Sidious gave the Viceroy the order to do so. IIRC, you should say that the Jedi entered the Saak'ak as Republic ambassadors, but their coverup was foiled by that TC-14 droid.
      • Your objection just contains too much information which doesn't relate to this article. And what do you mean he didn't intend to kill them? I think he did. Kreivi Wolter 16:00, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
        • I realize that, however, you misunderstood me. Though, this objection appears to be corrected.
    • "The Jedi were able to escape Gunray's trap, but they were later separated." Separated? How were the Jedi separated? Also, just like the preceding objection, elaborate a little more on what Gunray tried to do on the Saak'ak. Without this information, the article is confusing.
      • Can't tell too much, as it doesn't relate to this article. However, fixed some of it. Better now? Kreivi Wolter 16:00, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
        • It's relevant. However, it's fine now.
    • " Jedi Knight Obi-Wan Kenobi, who was trying to reach the hangar to escape from the Saak'ak, found his way to the room where the Neimoidian controller was working." I'm confused here. You say that the Jedi left Gunray's trap (which wasn't fully explained) but now they're still on the Saak'ak? Please clairfy. I would like to know how they separated, what this trap was and why suddenly did Obi-Wan find this room. Also, again, Obi-Wan is not a Jedi Knight at this point.
      • Again, much of that doesn't relate this article. Fixed the Jedi Knight thought. Kreivi Wolter 16:00, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
        • No; you misunderstood me again, Kreivi. Please clarify how Obi-Wan found the room where this Neimoidian was in. However, I see that Jonny corrected this.
    • I'll continue later on. JangFett (Talk) 12:47, December 10, 2009 (UTC)
  6. One more: could you condense the information about Kenobi and Jinn in the second paragraph of the bio? There's just a bit too much extraneous info on them there. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 21:21, December 15, 2009 (UTC)
    • Pffffff... first I'm told to expand the section, as it's too fuzzy without the info of the Jedi. And now it's too long. Sigh... but, I think it's not too long; just look the same section on article OOM-9. Sure, this section is little longer than the one in OOM-9, but like Jang said, the section is little too confusing without it. Kreivi Wolter 17:20, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
      • Not only is this section longer than OOM-9's, OOM-9 is also a much larger article than this one, meaning that this section is much larger proportionately. There's just too much extraneous detail right now: "Shortly after the beginning of the blockade, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, were sent by the Republic's Supreme Chancellor, Finis Valorum, to negotiate a solution between the Federation and Naboo. However, Trade Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray, under the command of Sith Lord Darth Sidious, was ordered to kill the Jedi and begin the Invasion of Naboo. The Jedi were able to escape Gunray's attempted assassination in the Saak'ak's conference room, but they were later separated after being attacked by destroyer droids." All this could easily be condensed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 17:56, December 16, 2009 (UTC)
  7. Attack of the Clone
    • "Seeking his opportunity": this really isn't an existing English idiom; please clarify what you mean here.
    • "which caused the appalled Neimoidian controller to yell at him not to touch the machine": can this be reworded at all? The word flow is really quite choppy.
      • Ah, this. As you can see, it was already argued above. Do you have any ideas how to improve this? 'cause I surely dont have any. Kreivi Wolter 12:06, February 5, 2010 (UTC)
        • The "yell at him not to touch the machine" can simply be fixed by modifying it to something like "yell at him and order him not to touch the machine" or something similar. CC7567 (talk) 07:58, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
          • Mmm. Seems to fit. Thank you for your help. Kreivi Wolter 16:30, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Per WP:S, if there's more than one source/appearance, then everything needs to be sourced. CC7567 (talk) 20:14, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Shortly after the beginning of the blockade, Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, arrived at the Saak'ak to negotiate a solution between the Federation and Naboo. However, Trade Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray was instructed by Sith Lord Darth Sidious to kill the Jedi and begin the invasion of Naboo. The Jedi managed to survive the assassination attempt, but they were later separated while trying to reach the hangar to escape from the Saak'ak." How is any of this at all directly relevant to the Neimoidian? This much context really isn't necessary.
      • Aghhh! One just can't please them all. I can, of course, remove or shorten that, but wont it become too fuzzy if I just tell that Kenobi arrived at the room? Kreivi Wolter 21:35, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
        • Is mentioning Sidious necessary for the reader to understand the article about the controller? Is Gunray? That's a simple question that will answer yours. CC7567 (talk) 07:37, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • "The Neimoidian controller quickly explained that he had not planned the invasion, and Kenobi asked him how to get to the hangar." I find it very strange for these two clauses to be linked when they have close to no relation to the other.
    • Are you sure that all of the P&T is canonical despite including information for the "light side" choices, as the placement of the {{Endgame}} tag implies?
    • "the Neimoidian is encountered in the first level": encountered by whom?
      • By that ultimate power who controls Kenobi : ) Kreivi Wolter 21:35, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
    • Please watch your tense in the Bts. The shifts are making it confusing to understand the scenarios. CC7567 (talk) 19:40, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
      • Again, per the articles above. Kreivi Wolter 21:35, February 6, 2010 (UTC)
        • Neither of the articles you reference have any bearing over the still-confusing tenses found in the last paragraph of the Bts. CC7567 (talk) 07:37, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
          • Ah, you referred to the last part. Better now? Kreivi Wolter 20:38, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
    • "While the Neimoidian lacks an official name, he is credited as "Neimoidian controller" in the game's credits." Your word choice implies that the Neimoidian was credited as a Neimoidian in the game—if you're going to use "credited," it should be saying that Coopwood was credited with voicing him. Please find a more appropriate wording. CC7567 (talk) 21:09, February 7, 2010 (UTC)
      • Roger roger. Kreivi Wolter 15:00, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
        • I'm changing the "called as" under the assumption that it's just a careless error and that you know that it isn't proper English. CC7567 (talk) 19:09, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
          • Ugh. That was just.... stupid. Even by my standards. Thank you for both the help and the review. Kreivi Wolter 19:23, February 8, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Cav's comments:
    • You mention that Kenobi was aboard the Saak'ak, and he had escaped an assassination attempt, but you don't mention why he was there in the first place. This should also be mentioned in the intro. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 10:05, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

  • I have thought to made as many articles of this PM game as possible, but now that I know that there is an official guide (which I dont have), and theres really isn't many users that owns it (at least as far as i know), do I have to cancel this idea?. Kreivi Wolter 12:23, December 10, 2009 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 09:56, February 16, 2010 (UTC)