Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Near Indosa

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Near Indosa

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Nice work---501st DogmaRepublic emblem(Comlink) 00:59, January 25, 2012 (UTC)
  2. ACvoteGood work.—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 03:22, January 26, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:58, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:34, March 23, 2012 (UTC)
  5. ACvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:24, April 2, 2012 (UTC)

Object

TK-999
Return of the Jedi
  • "...also causing many of the miners to head for the Far Indosa system during the final stages of the Republic." - Saying the "final stages of the Republic" makes it sound confusing. Changing it to something so the readers know that it was the last days of the Galactic Republic would be better.
  • The whole Description section has almost the exact wording of the intro. Some rewording is needed.
  • "It contained two mining worlds with considerable potential..." - It what?
    • I've added "considerable potential in the mining industry" onto it. ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 01:18, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
      • Still, it what? I meant that the word "It" here is ambiguous. The reader does not know what you are referring to that "contained two mining worlds."—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:01, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
  • The part about the Galactic Empire seems pointless in this article. That part should be removed.
  • "...the current ruling government of the galaxy that was established in 25,053 BBY..." - This makes it sounds like the galaxy was established in that year.
  • Please take a look at my copy-edit for things to look for in the future.
  • Once you take care of these objections, I'll look it over again.—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 23:23, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
  • The Junction-Tierrel Loop needs context on its first mention in the Description. As it stands, the reader doesn't know what you're referring to when you say "The hyperspace lane was situated inside..."—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 02:01, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
Lee's charge
501st
  • Last sentence of intro has the word "cause" twice in it. Try to reword it.
  • Pretty much all of my other objections have been already stated by Cal and Lee. Good Work---501st DogmaRepublic emblem(Comlink) 16:55, January 22, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Describing the Atlas's map coordinates in the article means nothing to a reader who has no knowledge of what that coordinate system means. It would be more helpful to give a geographical description of where the planet lies in the galaxy. For example, say a planet is in the "north-eastern quadrant of the galaxy," as opposed to saying "it was at the coordinates P-6."
    • Okay, changed it to the "north-eastern quadrant of the galaxy". ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 17:15, February 19, 2012 (UTC)
  • Why is this sentence at all relevant to this article? "The Far Indosa system contained two mining worlds with considerable potential in the mining industry that opened for excavation during the last days of the Galactic Republic, which was the ruling government of the galaxy at the time." Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:57, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
    • I've deleted the sentence, I assumed you wanted me to, right? ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 17:18, February 19, 2012 (UTC)
      • Well, I was giving you a chance to convince me why it was necessary, as it seems unnecessary to me. I'm fine with removing it outright. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:35, February 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • According to my count, the article is currently at 249 words, which leaves it one short of the required 250 to become a Good article. We'll have a better indication of where the article stands after my previous two objections are resolved, but this is something to keep in mind. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:59, February 4, 2012 (UTC)
    • Okay, I've increased the word count up to 250. ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 18:27, February 19, 2012 (UTC)
      • After my most recent copy-edit, I've got the article at 243 words. You're welcome to continue to try and bring the article to 250 words, but be warned that extraneous and useless fluff will most likely simply be removed by me or another reviewer. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:35, February 25, 2012 (UTC)
        • Okay. would you like me to put this back on the comprehensive article nominations page?~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 18:40, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
          • I have no real interest one way or another. As I said, you're welcome to go back through the source material and see if there's any legitimate way you can bring the article to 250 words, which is what I would do if I were in your shoes (again, provided the addition would be legitimate and not fluff just to get seven words). If you do that and find there is nothing more you can add, CAN will ultimately end up being the alternative. The choice is yours. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:44, February 26, 2012 (UTC)
            • Okay, I think I've got it up to the right amount of words, mind going over it and telling me if I'm correct? Thanks. ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 00:37, March 2, 2012 (UTC)
              • I've reverted this change as completely unnecessary. It's unnecessary to refer to Near Indosa as a "planet" and a "world" within the confines of seven words in the first sentence of the intro; it's unnecessarily redundant to qualify the Near Indosa system as a "star system"; and in the body of the article, the Far Indosa system is not a planet. You're welcome to try again, but as I've said twice now, pointless and unnecessary fluff is just going to be removed. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:02, March 4, 2012 (UTC)
                • Okay, I'll put it on CAN. ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 23:21, March 4, 2012 (UTC)
                  • If I may chime in: You could always add the grid coordinates back to the body of the article. In fact, I think you should do it, since they would otherwise be infobox-exclusive information, which is a no-no. It's been done in other status articles, and I don't see any reason why it couldn't be done here. Even if the readers aren't familiar with the coordinate system used in Atlas, the mention of the planet's approximate galactic location should provide enough context for them not to get completely lost. :) Tinwe(comlink) 14:24, March 6, 2012 (UTC)
                    • Right, thanks for the tip. That should bring it past 250. ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 23:17, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
                      • I'm ok with this, particularly adding this back into the body of the article, but it seems unnecessarily technical for inclusion in the intro. I do think that part of the sentence should be removed, which, by my count, would bring the article back to 248 words. If you do that, I think I can help you find two words to stick in somewhere to reach 250. Thanks for your input, Tinwe. Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:25, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
                        • Okay, I've taken out the coordinates in the intro and added two semi-relevant words, though you may want to check them out to see if they actually are relevant. ~501st TupTcgaotc symbol(Communications) 21:24, March 9, 2012 (UTC)
Floyd has one thing:
  • Both sentences in the intro ramble on too long and should be split up. Other than that, you're good. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 01:04, March 28, 2012 (UTC)

Comments