Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Nap Lagard

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Nap Lagard

(5 ACs/0 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:34, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
  2. ACvote—Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 23:07, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:49, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
  4. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 19:39, February 15, 2012 (UTC)
  5. ACvote JangFett (Talk) 21:54, February 15, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Jujiggum
  • Is "Incident at Dorvalla" a canonical name, and not conjectural? If so, then you're fine, but if not, then the attribution line of the lead quote needs to be fixed.
  • Can you mention what the Revenue's cargo is sooner?
  • "Lagard and his well-armed ship quickly fought of most of the Nebula Front ships, except the Hawk-Bat, flagship of the Nebula Front-aligned mercenary Arwen Cohl. After the Hawk-Bat retreated too…" You say most, not all, so the "except the Hawk-Bat" does not flow very well or seem very necessary. Also, you go to the trouble of saying that he was not able to fight off the Hawk-Bat, only to start the next sentence by saying the Hawk-Bat retreated anyway. What caused it to retreat, if not Lagard?
    • I altered the first sentence. The Hawk-Bat retreated to search for Cohl on Dorvalla's surface, but this was not known by Lagard. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:29, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
      • Did it retreat at the same time as the other ships? Right now, your chronology makes it sound like Lagard forced every other Nebula Front ship to retreat, leaving just the Acquisitor and the Hawk-Bat, and only then did the Hawk-Bat retreat. Is that the case? Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:01, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • "Dofine also told Lagard that the Revenue was set to explode to Cohl, who had recently entered the ship and stealt its cargo before leaving in another escape pod." I assume you mean "by Cohl," and "stolen," not "stealt." Also, by recently, do you mean before the battle, during, or after?
  • "…and brought a mechno-chair to communicate with Gunray with him." The two "with"s so close together are confusing. Also, to whom is the "him" referring?
  • (In the P&T) Why did Dofine rebuff Lagard?
    • Added, but please take a look if this flows now. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:33, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
      • I tweaeked it a bit, but now I'm not certain if the last sentence is entirely necessary. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:01, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • "…and openly told this the other commander." Grammar/wording.
  • Could you resize the image? I think it's too large as is.
  • A few notes: I fixed a bunch of little linking issues and sofixit tweaks: please check them out. Also, remember to format quotes with two speakers using the {{quote}} template instead of the {{dialogue}} template. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 15:23, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
    • Thanks. I personally hate the quote template, but if it is correct, I'll take it in the future. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:34, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • Moving this comment down here to be a proper objection: "Lagard showed curiosity when Dofine wanted to communicate with Gunray and had no problem with stating that in the presence of Dofine." This sounds like it's just repeating what we've already established: that he was curious about Dofine's communications with Gunray.
  • And just one more: perhaps it would be worth mentioning somewhere in the article that Lagard/the Trade Fed was planning to force Dorvalla "to make restitution" Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:16, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
    • Added a small mention, but I'm not sure if it fits there. Please try it. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:23, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
      • Several problems here: firstly, you mention his plan in a manner suggesting that the reader should already know what it is, but you've never mentioned it before, so the reader has no idea. Secondly, do we know for certain that he had a proper plan at all? It sounds like it's just a general statement that he wants to "make them pay." Thirdly, do we know for certain that the Trade Federation never punished Dorvalla in any way whatsoever? Is it explicitly stated that his hopes of making Dorvalla pay never came to be? Furthermore, the sentence is not technically past tense. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:55, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
        • Removed the sentence and added a note in the P&T. Clone Commander Lee Talk 14:35, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
          • Better; just a few things left: I don't think he was just "considering" it; he most definitely intended to do it. Also, "this" is not a past-tense phrase and should never be used in the IU sections of an article (hence why we started saying "A" instead of "This" at the beginning of our unidentified articles). Also, what "attack that had taken place over the planet"? You haven't mentioned any such planet-capturing attack so far. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 14:59, January 16, 2012 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • Lagard was a Trade Federation team name in Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds and in Star Wars: Galactic Battlegrounds: Clone Campaigns in the "standard game" mode. See the Xamuel Lennox article to see how this has been handled in the past. From this you can probably expand the BTS.
    • I added a mention in the BtS. Please have a look, I'm completely unfamiliar with that kind of stuff. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:15, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • "Lagrad, listen closely. Contact Viceroy Gunray. It is urgent that I speak with him immediately." I assume that "Lagrad" is a typo.
  • Could you make it clear what happened to the Revenue before you mention the message to Gunray?
    • I rather prefer not to, as Lagard experiences this only when Dofine tells him. As the article is from Lagard's POV, the placement there is appropiate IMHO. Clone Commander Lee Talk 16:10, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • It has been awhile since I read the book, but was there a reaction from Lagard when Dofine was ordered to take control of the ship?
  • More to come later.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:46, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
Grunny
  • Please correct the spelling mistakes in the article, I spotted five while just glancing. I suggest before putting any article up for nomination you paste it into Word or another software that has spellchecker, or utilize Firefox's built-in spellchecker to make sure your article is at least free of most typos. grunny@wookieepedia:~$ 04:02, January 17, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Please reload the infobox. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:58, January 19, 2012 (UTC)
  • As minor as this is, I figure we might as well leave a redlink for this subordinate: "a subordinate informed Lagard that they received a signal..."
  • I'm not understanding what this means. It would help if the article actually detailed what this humiliating question was: "Lagard reacted quickly by asking his colleague a humiliating question about the fate of Dofine's ship."
    • He asks him what happened to his ship and therefore what happened to the thing Dofine had to protect. Lagard knew that Dofine had lost his ship, but he just wanted to hear it as Dofine rebuffed him seconds before. Is it better now or should I elaborate it a little more in the article? Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:14, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • I find this wording problematic, as his inclusion in this game isn't authoritatively "game mechanics." "Game mechanics" is a term we subjectively apply on our own to explain why we're not considering something's inclusion in video games canonical. This section should instead explain that the article is making this distinction on its own based on the fact that he doesn't appear in the game's storyline: "and the mention of "Nap Lagard" is game mechanics, and thus non-canon"
    • Better? Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:15, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
      • No, you haven't addressed the part of the sentence that is problematic, namely "the mention of "Nap Lagard" is game mechanics." The article is saying this as though this is standard fact. The point I was making in my previous post was that we are independently making this declaration of game mechanics on our own. There's nothing official that is making this claim for us. The article should explain why the article is treating this material as "game mechanics." Toprawa and Ralltiir 23:33, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
        • To be honest, I have no idea how to treat such a case. I removed the mention of "game mechanics" and tried to elaborate the fact that this is non-canon a bit. However, I'm not entirely sure if that is correct. Any help would be much appreciated. Clone Commander Lee Talk 13:11, January 25, 2012 (UTC)
          • I like your last change here. Much, much better. Apologies for the delayed response. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:49, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
  • If the character's inclusion in these video games is non-canon, the Appearances should utilize {{Nc}} where appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 06:58, January 24, 2012 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • The second sentences of the intro and the bio are identical. Can we have some variety here? 1358 (Talk) 08:38, February 8, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:54, February 15, 2012 (UTC)