- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Na'daz
- Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:05, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: 292 words. My first project for WP:NSW
(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)
Support
- SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 04:00, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
—Tommy 9281 12:18, May 20, 2010 (UTC)- Imperialles 17:31, May 24, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:46, May 25, 2010 (UTC)- Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 23:15, May 27, 2010 (UTC)
Object
Tommy:
A skilled fighter with a lightsaber, Na'daz traveled once to the Mid Rim world Nal Hutta and discovered a young Force-sensitive Twi'lek named Kas'im. The beginning of this sentence, "A skilled fighter with a lightsaber," has nothing to do with the rest of the sentence. Please rework.—Tommy 9281 19:29, May 17, 2010 (UTC)- Fixed. Thank you for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:22, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
Also, calling Na'daz "powerful" is POV. Did someone consider him powerful?—Tommy 9281 21:17, May 18, 2010 (UTC)- Yes, Kas'im did. Take a look at the head quote. :) Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:08, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
Great doesn't necessarily mean powerful."Great" has many different meanings according to Dictionary.com, and with no further (or explicit) detail given on Na'daz's "greatness", we can't assume the text is referring to power.—Tommy 9281 17:57, May 19, 2010 (UTC)- OK, removed "powerful". Clone Commander Lee Talk 11:53, May 20, 2010 (UTC)
- Yes, Kas'im did. Take a look at the head quote. :) Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:08, May 19, 2010 (UTC)
Jonjedigrandmaster
Just at a glance, I see major tense shifting issues in the intro and bio.Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 20:35, May 17, 2010 (UTC)- Please try. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:37, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Looks like one was fixed by Tommy during his copyedit. Please see my edit for exactly what I meant. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:46, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank you very much, I did. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:53, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Looks like one was fixed by Tommy during his copyedit. Please see my edit for exactly what I meant. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 17:46, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Please try. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:37, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
Soresu
There's some things in the intro you make no mention of in the bio.- Fixed.
Na'daz traveled once This suggests that he only ever went to Nal Hutta once in his lifetime, which we do not know. Reword a little.- Fixed.
A few things in the P&A could be mentioned in the intro/bio- Fixed.
Kas'im later gave Na'daz's lightsaber to his greatest student, Bane Greatest is POV.SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 11:30, May 18, 2010 (UTC)- Fixed. Thank you. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:22, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
Imperialles
Powers and abilities: "Great" is POV, in this instance Kas'im's. Reword to something like "considered great by his apprentice, Kas'im."--Imperialles 04:32, May 23, 2010 (UTC)- Fixed. Thanks for your review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 08:02, May 23, 2010 (UTC)
Toprawa
Two objections. Firstly, at the end of biography, I feel some very brief mention of who Bane turns out to be would be appropriate.- Fixed.
Secondly, regarding this sentence, "after Bane had defeated his rival apprentice Sirak." If Sirak is Bane's only rival apprentice, a comma is required after "apprentice."Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:39, May 25, 2010 (UTC)- I would say he is not his only rival. Thanks for your review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:45, May 25, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 23:15, May 27, 2010 (UTC)