Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Mission to Monastery

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Mission to Monastery

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 14:59, 15 January 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Watch out for colloquial language, though. Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:04, 19 January 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Cylka-talk- 04:38, 31 January 2009 (UTC)
  4. My objections were unstricken for that long? Dang, I need to be more on-the-ball. IFYLOFD (Come with me if you want to live.) 01:05, 3 February 2009 (UTC)
  5. Grunny (Talk) 13:18, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. It's time for: Going Old School With IFYLOFD:
  2. From the squadron briefing of Cavalier One:
    • Vader forced Domina Tagge, a member of the Order of the Sacred Circle located on Monastery, into cooperating with him, promising power and prestige, as well as revenge on Skywalker, for Domina believed her brother, Orman, was killed by him, but he was in fact saved by Vader and has been since kept in hibernation. - This sentence is too long and reads jerkily. Consider breaking it up.
      • Splitted into two sentences.
    • Watch the usage of first names; refer to Luke as Skywalker, etc. I've changed a few, but you should check over the entire article.
      • Only Orman and Domina are refered by the first names, since they both share the same surname and using it may lead to a confusion. All others are refered by the last name.
        • Orman and Domina are fine, but I did change a lot of Luke, Leia, and Hans to Skywalker, Organa, and Solos.
    • The start of the second paragraph in the Mission section reads awkwardly - you say they were captured, but don't tell us who. Also, you later say that Leia avoided capture, but the previous statement about the capture implies that they were all captured at the same time.
      • Rephrased.
    • Clarification is needed - why was Orman Tagge in a hibernation cell?
    • Skirmish in the Crystal Valley section - explain the nature of the valley before the sequence of events that is to take place.
      • Explained.
    • Same section - As Vader was approaching the ceremonial Crystal Valley to fight Skywalker, he noticed the Falcon, aboard which Organa and Solo were at last able to free themselves, but distracted by the pursuing TIE fighters to notice that Orman escaped and ran into the valley. This is unclear and badly worded. Please rewrite and break up to better describe the situation.
      • Reworded.
    • It should be mentioned that Vader intended to use Tagge as a test for Skywalker before it's revelation to Luke. Remember, this is an omnipresent article, told from a neutral point of view.
    • Check for extra sources - is the encounter mentioned in any other source material, e.g. Star Wars Encyclopedia, the The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, etc. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:03, 9 January 2009 (UTC)
      • No mention in the Essential Chronology, Star Wars Encyclopedia, the Essential and the New Essential Guides to characters, Essential Guide to Planets and Moons (the last one doesn't even have an article about Monastery). I don't have the Complete Encyclopedia though. QuiGonJinnBe mindful of the Living Force...Quigonheadshot 20:29, 9 January 2009 (UTC)
        • I'll check it for you, QuiGon. Chack Jadson (Talk) 12:44, 11 January 2009 (UTC)
          • I'll strike this one either when Chack reports back, or when you fixed my last outstanding objection (whichever comes first) as I will trust that the information will be included if found. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 11:15, 13 January 2009 (UTC)
            • It's given a brief mention. I added it to the "Sources" section for you. Chack Jadson (Talk) 01:56, 23 January 2009 (UTC)
  3. Toprawa:
    • Please go through the infobox and remove any unnecessary spacing between information and reference tags and kill any duplicate linking. Items should be linked once throughout the infobox and no more. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:35, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
    • Should have included this in that objection, too, my bad. It's not necessary to include individuals in the "Strength" field who also appear in the "Commanders" field. That's just redundant. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:54, 17 January 2009 (UTC)
  4. Cylka:
    • I believe that Vader didn't as much force Domina to cooperate with him, as much as he tricked and somewhat brainwashed her. She wanted vengeance on Skywalker, so she went along with it. The introduction and prelude should be reworded a bit to illustrate this.
    • Maybe you should mention that Dodonna sent Organa et al. secretly so that she could monitor Skywalker and help him if need be, since only one representative from each side was allowed to go to Monastery. I would also include that Artoo and Threepio each went with their respective group. It gives a bit more context to the laserwave link that was set up.
      • Both mentioned.
    • However, Organa had brought Domina's brother and former baron of the House of Tagge, Orman Tagge with her, whom Vader used to test Luke's mastery of the Force. - This sentence gives the impression that Organa brought Orman to Vader. Maybe it should be changed a bit.
      • Reworded it a bit.
    • Since this whole mission was a way to test Skywalker's limits, it might be worthwhile to mention that Skywalker believed that Vader had learned enough about him that he wouldn't need to be cautious anymore about attacking him or the Rebels.
    • Please double check the linked articles. An article should be linked to the first time it is introduced. I found some links, but I'm not sure I got them all. Cylka-talk- 09:49, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:22, 12 February 2009 (UTC)