Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Metellos Exchange

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Metellos Exchange

• Nominated by: Nayayen^(talk) 12:17, October 26, 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: I didn't want to fluff it over 1000 words for FAN; it stands at just over 900. I also wasn't writing this with the intention of GAing it but, I wrote it like that anyway. Why not?

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

1. Wanna see more of these…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:28, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
2. I'm probably doing economics next year. Maybe then I'll have some idea what you wrote :P SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 10:00, November 4, 2009 (UTC)
3. CC7567 ^(talk) 20:06, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
4. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 23:47, November 28, 2009 (UTC)
5. Jonjedigrandmaster ^{(Jedi Beacon)} 22:38, November 30, 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. I'll review the article in full shortly. Taking a glance at it though, I do suggest you add a couple other images to it, such as one of Gryph as the professor, or something.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:08, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
   • Added File:Metellos 3.jpg and, to kill two birds with one stone, File:Slyssk confronts plaarvin.jpg. Thanks for the suggestion. Nayayen^(talk) 19:25, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
2. Here we go
   • ?In the intro, the second & third sentences begin with "It". Can you change one of them?
     • Changed the latter one.
   • The Mandalorian Wars need to be mentioned somewhere; I'd like to see it mentioned in both intro and body. For example, the Metellos Exchange was auctioning trade franchises with the planet Mandalore for after the war ended.
     • Mentioned in intro and body.
   • I would also like to see the fact that Nunk Plaarvin was a Ephant Mon. Perhaps in the intro, but definitely in the body.
     • I added the Ephant Mon link in the 3rd paragraph of "History", please try to move it in a earlier spot.
       • Ephant Mon is an individual. He and Nunk are Chevin and that is mentioned in the first sentence of the "Concept" section. Nayayen^(talk) 20:57, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
         • (Smacks head). I apologize.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:26, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
   • I believe it wouldn't hurt to state that Jarael was a female Arkanian offshoot.
     • Done.
   • Context needed for Slyssk.
     • YEEP! I had already given him a bit of context (former member of Raff Syndicate) so I added that he was a Trandoshan. Nayayen^(talk) 20:57, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
       • Thanks, that's what I wanted to see.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:26, October 30, 2009 (UTC)
   • That's all I have for now. Gutsy move, nominating a corporation. Never could fully understand economics.--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 13:53, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for the review Kasra, luckily I study economics :P. Nayayen^(talk) 20:57, October 29, 2009 (UTC)
3. One thing:
   • "The disruption caused meant that Plaarvin would have to announce that Jarael's claim was correct and that Italbos was rich with minerals in order to make a profit to pay to the Raff Syndicate." But she claimed the opposite, right? Why would the disruption mean that he has to say that she is correct? Please explain this. If I'm missing something, please state it here.
     • No, Jarael's claim was that "...the place is richer than stink! I've seen it! All your mineral projections were low—way low!" I did miss out a little bit of info that said what the disruption actually was. Hopefully I've clarified it. Nayayen^(talk) 10:52, November 19, 2009 (UTC)
   • Interesting concept. Chack Jadson ^(Talk)
4. Attack of the Clone
   • Please try to clarify when this was set up before going off and detailing Hierogryph's exploits. It's not clear otherwise.
     • Everything to do with the set up is in the "Concept" section so it would just be repeating part of it again to include it in the history. I think I've added what you were looking for but I'm not quite sure.
   • "before the owners of the claims to it": please try to reword this; it's a little awkward wording.
     • I cannot find any other way to word it. "Claimants" wouldn't work IMO, or is that too picky?
       • I'd like you to first clarify what you're trying to say so that I can help you find the best wording. I still find it hard to discern the meaning of the sentence. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:00, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
         • It should refer to the people who bought the claims to the various trade rights for Italbos. Because they are not purchasing the claims (to the rights), not claiming them, "claimants" cannot be used. Nayayen^(talk) 23:57, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
           • Hmm. Actually, I think it's clearer now with the clarification that you just provided; the only part that concerns me is the "claims to it," as this is not a proper idiom. Is it possible to state that those people bought the claims to Italbos's various trade rights through the Exchange before bringing Hierogryph and his friends into the mix? It seems like the best possible solution to this problem, as it will ease the amount of context that you have to give when you mention Hierogryph a little while later. CC7567 ^(talk) 00:06, November 22, 2009 (UTC)
             • I think I've got it now. Nayayen^(talk) 13:51, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
   • "Luckily for Hierogryph and Carrick": please check WP:NPOV to see if this is appropriate to the article.
     • I wasn't sure if I could reword it without sounding clunky but the proper NPOV should be there now.
   • Watch your comma usage, please. CC7567 ^(talk) 21:01, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
     • I'll try. Thanks for fixing some issues here and there as well as the review. Nayayen^(talk) 22:49, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
   • Please rephrase the opening sentence of the History. The first clause is giving me the impression that you're trying to rush into detailing Hierogryph's conning instead of focusing on the Exchange as a whole, and it's also improperly worded. To clarify my previous objection: no, the Concept section did not clarify when it was set up.
     • Addressed, no specific date is given in the sources.
   • "Before Hierogryph and Carrick could hasten to the Negotiating Room to free their companions, Jarael and Dyre had already managed to free themselves with little harm done": please check both your verb tense and chronology here. Both are unclear because of the first issue. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:00, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
     • Addressed. Nayayen^(talk) 23:57, November 21, 2009 (UTC)
   • I recommend checking to see if everything currently in the Concept section is exclusively related to the section or should also be in the History as well. The distinction between both should be a little more defined. CC7567 ^(talk) 00:06, November 22, 2009 (UTC)
     • I've shifted things around a bit so that it is now how the Exchange functioned in the Concept section and the information about when it was setup in the History section. Nayayen^(talk) 13:51, November 24, 2009 (UTC)
   • Please be careful not to loose references when copying and pasting information, as the new {{Fact}} tag now indicates. CC7567 ^(talk) 08:02, November 26, 2009 (UTC)
     • Fixed. Nayayen^(talk) 12:22, November 26, 2009 (UTC)

Comments

• Spoilers for KotOR 47: What with the release of Issue 47, would it be wise to change mentions of (spoiler: Rohlan Dyre to Demagol, in disguise as the former), or similar wording? If so, I hope we don't have to do this for every article with (spoiler: Dyre) in... Nayayen^(talk) 22:49, November 21, 2009 (UTC)

• Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 22:38, November 30, 2009 (UTC)