Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Mathus

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Mathus

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Fred strikes
  • Intro needs to be much longer. Never nominate a one-sentence intro for GAN. I've only seen one case where that worked, and it was very unique. MasterFredCommerce Guild(Whatever) 05:04, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
Old fart ramblings
  • Missing the following sections:
  • All info from the infobox should be hashed out in the article, doesn't seem to be the case now.
  • The end half of the Biography seems to be bit too play-by-play to my eyes, possibility to smooth that a bit?
  • Me rusty (: – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 05:26, August 27, 2013 (UTC)
  • Second run:
    • Bts: contains mention of a one source/appearance when there's listed 3 in the bottom of the article, huh?
      • Fixed. I kept two and got rid of the "External links" section, since the link is included in N&r.
        • Bts still missing items and their context. – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 08:19, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
          • I searched through the Beginner Game material, and while Mathus appears in the TLAotH adventure, he is not specifically mentioned or pictured in the EfMS adventure. The only thing that ties him to it is that he was the one who sliced a code into 41-VEX to make it want to leave Teemo. I, therefore, removed the Appearance, but do you have any other suggestions? —GethralkinHyperwave 16:40, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
            • I actually wanted you to write that to Bts pretty much the way you just did above instead of removing it from the appearances. This is exactly what Bts is for, explaining the appearances and giving them context in our world. (: – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 18:40, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
              • Okay, so because he is the one that starts 41-VEX on his way through the EfMS adventure, he is listed as appearing in that adventure, even though we don't know of him until afterward in the next adventure? Just want to make sure that's what you mean. —GethralkinHyperwave 19:27, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
                • Yes, that's appearance even if you can verify it only with later appearance/source. And yes that needs to be explained in Bts. (: – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 06:55, September 1, 2013 (UTC)
                  • Okay, how is that? —GethralkinHyperwave 12:53, September 1, 2013 (UTC)
                    • You managed to write it in a way that I have no idea what is happening on what source materiel, also if he's mentioned on that "Escape from Mos Shuuta" that should be listed in Appearances, don't you think? Please do check how other status articles do their Bts sections. – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 06:13, September 2, 2013 (UTC)
                      • Well, I should also mention that Escape from Mos Shuuta does not mention that 41-VEX has code sliced into him at all. The folio for the droid gives it from its point of view, so Mathus isn't mentioned and the motivation is assuemed (at that point) to be the droid's. It isn't learned until after that story, in The Long Arm of the Hutt, that the desire to leave did not originate with 41-VEX. How do you suggest that I work that into the Bts and reference it in the Sources/Appearances? —GethralkinHyperwave 15:29, September 2, 2013 (UTC)
                        • I'm still confused what is where, but as I don't have opportunity to read those sources, I'm not in position to ask more at this point. – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 10:57, September 16, 2013 (UTC)
    • Bio starts with "When" ...what? Actually whole Bio is all When/consequently/subsequently, seems choppy to me. A better beginnings to those paragraphs?
    • Brown eyes in Bio? perhaps in P&t instead?
      • Done. —GethralkinHyperwave 23:57, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
        • I don't see skin or eye colour elsewhere than intro. – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 08:19, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
          • Oh, must have been tired. I put it in Bts. I think I read that out of your comment instead of P&t. Done. —GethralkinHyperwave 20:18, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
            • And the eye color and skin tone are in the P&t, as requested. —GethralkinHyperwave 12:56, September 1, 2013 (UTC)
              • You might like to fix whatever I managed to break while copyediting that passage. – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 06:13, September 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • Me still rusty (: – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 07:05, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • No time context in the intro. – Tm_T@Wookieepedia:~$ 08:19, August 31, 2013 (UTC)
What Trak Can Track
  • So far, a good, thorough copy-edit is needed. I had rewritten the intro for better flow, and I suggest you go through it and the entire article and smooth out any bumps I may have missed.
  • Mathus used what he learned from Honwoo—along with his incredible intellect—to successfully tinker and fix droids through effective use of trial and error "Incredible" is POV, and I suggest revising, perhaps finding a more neutral adjective to describe his smarts without making it so blatant.
    • Actually, I was hesistant at first to use "incredible," but it is actually recorded that way in the text. How would you suggest I indicate that without it sounding POV? Maybe use, "reportedly incredible" and link the cited source just after? —GethralkinHyperwave 12:23, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • There is quite a bit of redundant wording throughout, and I had removed some of it.
    • Yeah, this is partly because I was merging another article that is superfluous, and I thought I got it all but I've been super busy so I trying not to be sloppy but… —GethralkinHyperwave 12:23, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Numerous duplicate links. I think I may have gotten them all, but I suggest double-checking.
    • I don't see any more. Then again, re previous comment: fresh pair of eyes and all that. —GethralkinHyperwave 12:23, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • The latter half of the biography still feels like a play-by-play, and the descriptions of how Mathus went about with formulating his escape are a bit confusing. Some elaboration to help clarify those events should help smooth out the prose.
    • Will work on that. The folio discusses events drawn from other folios that don't mention Mathus specifically (their way of retaining the character as a supplement, I suppose, until the tutorial adventure is initially run through by players. So, I will fine-tooth comb them all for covering this and your following comment. —GethralkinHyperwave 12:23, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Overall, what I could see was the need for a good, thorough copy-edit. I gave it one, but I suggest you go through it and give it another. Also, double-check to make sure that you have included all of the information from the folio. Trak Nar Ramble on 04:32, August 28, 2013 (UTC)
  • Second paragraph in the bio needs a citation. Trak Nar Ramble on 05:31, August 30, 2013 (UTC)
  • Struck objections, but I'm going to run through it with another copy-edit at a later date. :) Trak Nar Ramble on 08:59, September 2, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • It would be preferable if you could obtain a tighter headshot of the character for the infobox image. Maybe more focused on his upper body? That would leave the larger image available for use in the article body somewhere.
  • Please use {{WebCite}} for ref 1.
  • Proper context is needed for Teemo in the Bio.
  • In the second paragraph of the Bio, why is "droid expert" in quotes? Encyclopedic works should avoid using quotes in text if not necessary, and it doesn't seem necessary in this case.
  • Context needed on Mos Shuuta in the Bio.
  • Who's the Wookiee? If you're going to mention a species, make sure to introduce the species with the individual (in the proper context) so that there isn't any confusion.
  • Something's not right with the use of {{1st}} in the Sources; {{1st}} can only be used with Appearances, while {{1stm}} is for Sources. Please check.
  • I'll give this another look once you've fixed the above objections. CC7567 (talk) 18:50, September 28, 2013 (UTC)
Red beans and rice for a quarter
  • "Mathus was a brown-eyed, dark-skinned Human male from Anchorhead, Tatooine, growing up on the streets as an orphan in a gang during the time of the Galactic Civil War." - A run-on, should be broken up.
  • Otherwise a good read. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 05:09, October 21, 2013 (UTC)

Comments

About 410 words. —GethralkinHyperwave 04:58, August 27, 2013 (UTC)

  • Still waiting on Tm_T and MasterFred to respond to comments on changes made. —GethralkinHyperwave 01:28, September 8, 2013 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Objections unaddressed for over two weeks. Nominator's user page states that he's semi-active. CC7567 (talk) 17:51, October 20, 2013 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 06:27, October 21, 2013 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Sir Cavalier of OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 07:56, October 21, 2013 (UTC)