Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Madel Wharen

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Madel Wharen

  • Nominated by:DolukTalk 18:48, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first attempt at a GAN: please feel free to rip it to shreds and tell me what to do better/differently. DolukTalk 18:48, 12 February 2009 (UTC)

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 20:02, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Cylka-talk- 03:11, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote—Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG (Nine two eight one) 02:36, 15 March 2009 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 05:36, 27 March 2009 (UTC)
  5. I gotta say, it's hard to imagine a guy like this could get married. Oh, and congragulations, you're getting a GA. Kilson Likes PIE 16:45, 30 March 09 (UTC)

Object

  1. Pranay's things:
    • Please expand the intro.
      • Will do when I get home and have the source in front of me. DolukTalk 21:07, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
        • Done. Hopefully that's OK, as I can't really think of anything else to put in there. DolukTalk 04:25, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
    • Could you merge the Skills and Abilities section into the P&T, because Power and Abilities sections are usually for Force abilities.
      • Done, and thanks I was wondering about whether or not I should include Skills & abilities. DolukTalk 21:07, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
    • You don't need to use the same reference more than one time in the same paragraph. If a paragraph ony has one source, then it only needs one reference.
      • Done. Thanks, this is another thing that I was unsure about. DolukTalk 21:07, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
    • Madel Wharen was known as the inventor of one of the Drever Corporation's most innovative products: the Phoenix plasma punch. First, innovative is POV and a bit more context on Phoenix plasma punch would be good.
      • Innovative is the term used in the source, but I'll go back to the source and address this tonight. DolukTalk 21:07, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
        • OK, it seems I was wrong. I thought innovative was the term used in the source, but it wasn't. Hopefully it's now more NPOV, and hopefully that's an appropriate amount of info about the plasma punch (I didn't want to put any more info in there, because I'm planning on creating an article for the plasma punch itself when I get a chance). DolukTalk 04:25, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
    • Is there more known about his wife and his child? Otherwise, good work. Pranay Sobusk ~ Talk 20:32, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
      • I'll double check the source, but I don't think there's any other info at all about his wife and child. Thanks! DolukTalk 21:07, 12 February 2009 (UTC)
        • I checked and, other than their names and the fact that they exist, there's absolutely no info about the wife and child. DolukTalk 04:25, 13 February 2009 (UTC)
  2. Cylka:
    • I don't think that you can source Wharen as being human. Looking at GG9, him being human is only implied, not stated. It would be an assumption to claim he is human.
    • I see some information in GG9 that you could use to expand the Bio a bit more. I think you could add another sentence about his improving the company's products. And you could most certainly elaborate on how closely him and his family were watched by the ISB.
    • Also, the paragraphs in the bio are too short. You need to flesh them out or combine them.
      • LOL! OK that's kind of funny because I made a conscious effort to do that. I'm usually guilty of having my paragraphs way too long, so I tried to keep them shorter. Looks like I went overboard! Addressed. DolukFurthermore I believe that lists must be destroyed. 17:59, 25 February 2009 (UTC)
    • The P/T can also be expanded more. You could add in something about his business suit. Also you can elaborate on his various mechanical/engineering skills. Furthermore, his "infobox" has information about his personality, for instance, his lack of tolerance of corporate types.
    • The Bts is where you want to detail the different "paths" Wharen's life could take. Such as him being installed as the head of the company.
    • After more information has been added, the introduction will need expansion. Also, don't forget that the introduction can't have any information that is exclusive to the introduction. Anything written in the intro, must be in the body of the article, as well.
    • This article looks good, it just needs a bit of expansion. Cylka-talk- 01:31, 18 February 2009 (UTC)
    • There is only one last thing that I would like to see in the article. When you talk about Wharen being "known for his ability" or "considered to be a mechanical genius," who thought of him in these terms? Was it the company, or the company workers, or someone else? Cylka-talk- 01:03, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
      • Hmm, that's actually a flaw in my writing style. The OOU source flat-out says that he's got the ability, and that he's a genius, so I really shouldn't have used those terms. I've changed the wording somewhat, hopefully it's more accurate now. Thanks! DolukFurthermore I believe that lists must be destroyed. 01:24, 26 February 2009 (UTC)
  3. Grunny
    • The first three sentences in the P&t are a little short and choppy. You could possibly combine two of them, or make them more complex.
    • The P&t could also mention his Rebel sympathies and that he was "too prudent" to publicly support them.
    • Other than that great work, Doluk. Props for writing an article on an engineer :P. Grunny (Talk) 03:34, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 14:14, 31 March 2009 (UTC)