Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Lo Bukk

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Lo Bukk

(1 ACs/2 Users/3 Total)

Support

  1. Good work. 501st dogma(talk) 13:42, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
  2. Plagueis327 (talk) 04:19, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 20:36, August 11, 2012 (UTC)

Object

  • "A male Zabrak Padawan served the Jedi Order and the Galactic Republic thirty five years before the onset of the Clone Wars". Here you should'nt start with "A" as he has a name. Give the name here, and change the following context to fit it.
    • Done.
  • You're sourcing the first half of the first bio paragraph all to the Encylopedia, not the majority to Plagueis and the Marsh Huant part to the CSWE. Fix please. (The ref there is the type you use in the info box too, so that'l have to be changed as well)
  • "During their stay on the swamp world, the Jedi were bargaining with a Barabel (Plagueis ref should be here), a cold-blooded reptilian species from Barab I,(encyclepedia ref here).." Same as I said before, you're sourcing some info that's not from the CSWE to the CSWE.
  • Could you see what you could do to vary the articles (Bukk and Cada) a little more, as they are the exactly the same save for the indiviual aspects. Use synonyms or something.
    • Well it's hard. Cumulonimbus Cloud (ℳeeting ℛoom) 18:18, July 1, 2012 (UTC)
      • It still should be done. 501st dogma(talk) 12:13, July 2, 2012 (UTC)
        • The only thing that I really think can be changed is the Personality and traits, can you give an example? Cumulonimbus Cloud (ℳeeting ℛoom) 20:03, July 2, 2012 (UTC)
          • "A male Zabrak Padawan, Lo Bukk served the Jedi Order and the Galactic Republic thirty five years before the onset of the Clone Wars, a major galactic conflict fought between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems." could be changed to this; "Lo Bukk was a male Zabrak Jedi Padawan of Master Ni-Cada, and served the Jedi order and the Republic thirty five years before the confrontation between the Republic and the Condeferacy of Independent Systems known as the Clone Wars." Pretty much see how you can rearrange info in the sentences. 501st dogma(talk) 21:39, July 2, 2012 (UTC)
            • Rearranged some info. Cumulonimbus Cloud (ℳeeting ℛoom) 19:11, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
              • Try to do it some more. At least change a bit in every sentence. Be careful when rewording to avoid linking to the same article twice, as I caught a couple instances of that. I'll look it over once your done. 501st dogma(talk) 21:03, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
                • Also rearrange/reword the intro as well. 501st dogma(talk) 21:15, July 3, 2012 (UTC)
                  • Reworded some more, some sentences are to hard to reword. Cumulonimbus Cloud (ℳeeting ℛoom) 19:41, July 5, 2012 (UTC)
                    • Try flipping parts of the sentence to achieve the same result. For example, "After, the Jedi unknowingly crossed paths with the Darth Plagueis when they were bearing flagons of liquid from an eatery, as they sat at a table and talked to the Muun, who was also secretly looking for Lare." could be changed to this, "Later, as Bukk and his master emerged from an eatery bearing flagons of liquid, they unknowingly crossed paths with the Darth Plagueis once again, and later talked with the Muun, who was also secretly seeking Lare." A few flippings should make it good. 501st dogma(talk) 19:56, July 5, 2012 (UTC)
                      • Flipped some. Do you think i'll need to flip the Bts?Cumulonimbus Cloud (ℳeeting ℛoom) 00:25, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
                        • Although that's not quite the amount of "flipping" I wanted, I let this instance slide. Remember to vary your articles before nomming.
  • That's all for now. 501st dogma(talk) 22:26, June 24, 2012 (UTC)
  • Link for the eatery. Add the link to Ni-Cada too. 501st dogma(talk) 19:56, July 5, 2012 (UTC)
  • According to here, many Zabraks were named after the Bukk animal. Since It does not confirm so in the book, say something in the BtS about him possibly being named after the Bukk animal. Remember to source that part to the appropriate source as well. 501st dogma(talk) 13:49, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • You need to mention that he is Force-sensitive.
    • Done.
  • Is there anything to add from their conversation with Plagueis?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 17:05, July 16, 2012 (UTC)
  • Anything to mention about his combat skills or lightsaber in the P&T.
  • you should probably mentioning his sensing ability in the P&T.
    • Done.
      • Please vary the wording for how it was worded in the body and you do not need to mention Ni-Cada here.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 15:18, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
  • Is there any information on why they wanted a speeder?--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:42, July 21, 2012 (UTC)
    • No.
Cav
  • The killing of marsh haunts were committed by the Naat Lare, a Force-sensitive Nautolan selected by Darth Venamis, a prospective male Bith Sith Lord of the lineage of Darth Bane, as a potential Sith apprentice. - what does hunting Marsh haunts have to do with Venamis? If Venamis's connection to Lare is purely meant as context, then I would consider breaking it into two sentences to avoid confusion. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 19:43, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • As per the growing norm around here, I would strongly recommend using the CSWE citation template for reference 2. If you need help with that, just ask.
  • Please be aware that there is a specific, fundamental difference between someone who is a simple Sith Lord and someone who is a Dark Lord of the Sith, despite the occasional interchangeability of terms. Moreover, an article's linking should accurately reflect this specificity. For example, you will notice that in my copy-edit I pipe-linked "Dark Lord of the Sith" into the "Sith Lord" link applying to Darth Plagueis in the intro, since Plagueis is a duly designated Dark Lord. However, being unfamiliar with the subject, I do not know whether this also applies to the Darth Venamis character mentioned in the biography. If he, too, is a Dark Lord, I would suggest similarly pipe-linking that into the mention of "Sith Lord" here: "Lare had been selected by Darth Venamis, a prospective male Bith Sith Lord of the lineage of Darth Bane." I would prefer to see this potential issue resolved before continuing on my review. Toprawa and Ralltiir (talk) 22:16, August 11, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Unfortunately for lacking time, I've decided to give up on this nomination, so may someone please remove it, thanks. Cumulonimbus Cloud (ℳeeting ℛoom) 15:05, August 12, 2012 (UTC)