Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Lens Reekeene

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Lens Reekeene

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:27, March 17, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A Rebel General to be used as a NPC in a RPG Campaign, and part of my own mini-project. Currently 1200 words, probably I'll try for a FAN later.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 18:49, May 12, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Go for the FAN. -- 1358 (Talk) 06:25, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 16:37, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:55, May 17, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:14, May 18, 2010 (UTC)
  6. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 08:26, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Object

  1. Fett
    • Context on "Flankers"
      • Added; OS says little about that.
    • In the intro, you vaguely explained how he became a prison of the Empire, but in the bio, it's not even mentioned. "Sartran was disbanded by the Galactic Empire and the mercenaries employed by the company were imprisoned under false charges of conspiracy. While in prison," The jump from "being disbanded by the Empire" to being in prison is rough.
      • Better?
    • "While in prison, Lens met engineer Mikka Reekeene, also a former employee of Sartran. Lens and Mikka Reekeene got married in jail." This sounds like Mikka was also in prison for whatever reason. Was he an engineer in prison or a worker in that prison?
      • You are right. Better?
    • Try to add subsections within the bio. It will be more, concisely organized and well formatted.
      • Better?
        • Much; also, is their any relevant quotes? If not, then it's fine.
    • If Lens was free in 11 BBY, how could she have joined the Rebellion? It wasn't established until 2 BBY.
      • Right. Typo in my notes, corrected: She was released in 3 BBY and soon after that (apparently some months), she joined the Rebellion.
    • More to come. Also, please watch your linking. I'll look through the article once more. JangFett (Talk) 19:32, March 19, 2010 (UTC)
  2. The Grand Master
    • Seeing some grammar issues throughout the article. This is getting old.
      • Try. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:34, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
        • Better, but still seeing several mistakes; a couple examples: "Circa 0 ABY, Reekeene also led the Roughnecks in "Operation Retribution," which simultaneously damaged assets of the Empire, while the Alliance suffered the minimum damage." "Also around this time, General Reekeene joined her husband, Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro onboard their mobile headquarters&hellip" (<--comma usage; this currently grammatically implies that Lazith'chika and Rebel Lieutenant Am Serro were Reekeene's husband.) Also, please see my note below on the linking; it applies here as well. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 19:10, March 24, 2010 (UTC)
          • Might be better. I hope I could find every one. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:24, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
            • You only fixed the one example I left on your talk page. Some wording issues remain. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 20:44, March 30, 2010 (UTC)
              • General overwrite and complete copy-edit, even if those things rarely work. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 13:29, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
    • Why is there a birth date given in the infobox but not in the intro and bio?
      • Added.
    • Why is there no dating of events in the intro?
      • Added.
    • "an Irregular group of Rebel soldiers." This makes it sound as if the soldiers themselves were irregular, i.e. they were strange beings. Please reword so that you actually say what an "Irregular" means in this case.
      • Changed.
    • Why is the quote given outside of any section? Currently, the section which you have the quote has no prose. Please move it.
      • Changed.
    • Does the OS say why Sartran was disbanded, or why the mercs were imprisoned under false charges?
      • Added.
    • "Later, Mikka Reekeene was released from jail, because of a management mistake." This grammatically says that it was a mistake for him to be released. Is that true?
      • Yes. Reworded.
    • "and her less political husband followed her." What exactly do you mean by "less political," and by "followed her" do you mean that he, too, joined the Alliance? This isn't very clear.
      • Changed.
    • 2nd paragraph of "origins" section needs to be reworded more to follow Lens' POV. The first couple sentences sound like the article's suddenly switched to one about Mikka.
      • Changed.
    • Page for the local moff? If there is none, please create and link.
      • Added.
    • Page for Green Squad's mission to Abonshee?
    • "None of the other officers objected anything to her." This doesn't make snese.
      • Removed.
    • Linking mistakes throughout. Please make sure not only that everything is linked, but also that everything is linked cleanly and properly.
      • I think I've found what you mean. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:27, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
        • Still seeing some mistakes, inlcuding instances of underlinking. (Another hint for proper linking: refuelling is incorrect) Remember, when possible, please try to link things in the article if you can, as opposed to linking them in quotes; for instance, I'm sure you can work at least Alliance Intelligence and Godking into the article prose, even if you just pipelink. Also why do you have "limit of missions" linked to the page "23rd?" This makes absolutely no sense, especially sense you just got done saying that the limit of missions was 20. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:28, March 23, 2010 (UTC)
          • Underlinking: Try.
          • Intel & Godking: Included in the prose.
          • 23rd: Survivors of 20 missions facing mandatory retirement were only a 23% of the agents, thus the nickname; article created but no change here.
    • "Fortunately, the Empire was outwitted." POV.
      • Removed.
    • "to reach a meeting with the Alliance commanding officers of the sector." What sector? Is this still the Fakir sector?
      • Yes. Added.
    • "keep them nervous" Keep who nervous? Also, lots of the wording in the P/T sounds like it may have been taken almost verbatim from the source. I am unfamiliar with the material, but please check and make sure you don't use the same words as the source.
    • "tell others only what they needed to know." What others?
      • Changed.
    • Please check the format of the BTS quote. The source seems to be misformatted.
      • Changed.
    • "along with another Campaign" What other campaign? At least pipelink it.
      • Detailed.
    • Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 14:16, March 21, 2010 (UTC)
  3. One more for now: In the intro you say "Lens Reekeene was a female Human born in 54 BBY.", although it's the same in the first sentence of the bio. Mind rewording it? JangFett (Talk) 19:36, March 22, 2010 (UTC)
  4. The Grand Master II
    • Nothing in the intro that isn't also in the body, please.
    • Very stiff, choppy prose throughout the article.
    • "The Reekeenes and Lazith'chika were the highest-ranking members of the Roughnecks. They briefed the squads and answered their questions. Once briefed for a mission, a member of the Roughnecks could not speak to anyone except the Reekeenes or Lazith'chika, as a security measure." This seems very randomly placed; it doesn't really follow or lead into the surrounding paragraphs.
    • In the "Operation Retribution" section, there are some inappropriate uses of "would be." Remember, this is a future-tense phrase, and should only be used when you are explaining the formation of a plan of what is going to happen (like you do here: "The Roughnecks would simultaneously raid several Imperial targets"), and even then you should follow it up with what did happen.
    • I'll continue with my review once you address these. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 18:45, April 5, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Once Retribution was over, Reekeene sent the Long Shot to the planet Iyuta. The Empire had a communication center there and Reekeene wanted a listening device on it. Reekeene had a contact on Iyuta, but the Empire had already found, killed and replaced this person, as a part of a plot to follow the Rebel agents to their headquarters. However, the Empire was outwitted." The content of this is rather ambiguous. It cuts off rather short, leaving the reader confused. How was the Empire outwitted? In what was the Empire outwitted? Did Lens ever get the listening device on the planet? Also, please specify better why it was a big deal that the Empire killed and replaced Lens' contact. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (We seed the stars) 17:13, April 8, 2010 (UTC)
      • More detail added, but OS only gives an overview of the adventure; individual Gamemasters are supposed to develop, complete and detail the given outlines. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:37, April 9, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Attack of the Clone
    • Did she officially take "Reekeene" as her married name before being known simply as "Lens"? If so, that needs to be clarified in both the intro and body, because the article is currently leaves a lot of room for misinterpretation regarding the shift from Lens to Reekeene. Additionally, perhaps beginning the intro with "Lens Reekeene, originally named Lens before marrying" or something might help to clarify this issue.
    • "Once there, the Imperial asked for a rescue." A rescue from what/for whom? CC7567 (talk) 20:35, April 30, 2010 (UTC)
  6. Just one more: "Her ship was accidentally found by an Imperial scout vessel, which ambushed…" If it was "accidentally found," then how was it an "ambush," which implies planning and intention? Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:31, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
    • "Accidentally" removed as page 31 specifically says "ambushed". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 08:56, May 13, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Soresu
  8. Did he buy her freedom in 3 BBY or ABY? Chack Jadson (Talk) 13:37, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 09:24, May 19, 2010 (UTC)