Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Laudable

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Laudable

Nominated by: Kilson Likes PIE 19:35, 29 May 09 (UTC)
Nomination comments: Goes along with my previous Kite nom.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

Mauser^Comlink 01:01, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
Just a few minor things that I copyedited. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Jujiggum) 01:38, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
CC7567 ^(talk) 00:50, 6 June 2009 (UTC)
SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 09:18, 8 June 2009 (UTC)
Nice job. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:55, 12 June 2009 (UTC)
Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 09:57, 12 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

Mauser:
- ~~"...ordered another sweep of the surrounding area just to be sure" - this is a bit awkward looking. Maybe rephrase into something like "to make sure no signs of enemy activity would be missed"?~~
- ~~Optional: maybe you could mention Nune's species in the intro?~~
- Looks fine to me otherwise. Mauser^Comlink 07:01, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
  - Addressed both, thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 00:57, 01 June 09 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
- ~~"Cyborg Confederate General Grievous" is rather a lot of context for a character that's not even directly affiliated with the ship; please at least remove "cyborg".~~
- It's not actually certain how the Laudable was destroyed. Yes, A Galaxy Divided implied that the Malevolence destroyed it with its ion cannons, but that wasn't for certain. Also, because of that, you might want to mention the inconsistency between the web comic and the podcast (the one I mentioned as a refnote in the Battle of Phu).
  - I added the refnote, but I think it is pretty obvious that the Laudable was destroyed by the Malevolence's ion cannons.
    - Sorry; I meant to say that it was implied that it was destroyed by the laser cannons. Please check again. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:02, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
      - Addressed
- ~~Please try to vary word choice for both "sweeps" and "enemy activity"; both are used twice rather redundantly.~~
- In the body, there's again a lot of excessive context for Grievous, and this is causing context for the Malevolence itself to be mentioned in the following sentence of its first mention. Please try to reword it so that context for the Malevolence appears in the same sentence as its first mention.
- More coming later when I get the chance. CC7567 ^(talk) 06:35, 1 June 2009 (UTC)
  - I addressed you other objections. Thanks for the review. Kilson Likes PIE 19:58, 01 June 09 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone II
- ~~"As Kite and Nune were finishing up their conversation" and "As the Malevolence began to destroy the Laudable" both excessively start off with "as"; please try to reword and remove the redundancy.~~
- Similarly, in the sentence "The last commander of the Laudable was General Ares Nune, who commanded the Star Destroyer at Phu." even though it is used in different forms, the word "commander" is used twice. Please try to diversify word choice.
- CC7567 ^(talk) 01:42, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
  - Addressed both. Kilson Likes PIE 00:41, 06 June 09 (UTC)
Soresu
- along with an audio recording of Nune taken during the attack that had survived the battle. It seems like "that had survived the battle" refers to the attack. Please reword. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 05:52, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
  - Actually, that one was my faulty wording; I've taken care of it. CC7567 ^(talk) 05:58, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
    - I'll support when your objections are addressed then. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 06:00, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
Toprawa:
- I realize that HoloNet news story is contradictory, but I think it would be best to still present this contradictory information in the article rather than just leaving it as a ref note. Sometimes news stories are contradictory, even in the SW universe. You could just say something like "Despite the Laudable's quick destruction, the HoloNet reported that...etc." Toprawa and Ralltiir 03:52, 10 June 2009 (UTC)
  - Addressed, thanks for the review dude. Kilson Likes PIE 01:48, 12 June 09 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 10:00, 12 June 2009 (UTC)