- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.
Kyber memory crystal
- Nominated by: JMAS Hey, it's me! 04:26, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: "<insert witty comment here>"
(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)
Support
Object
- Attack of the Clone
That infobox picture isn't a proper one. The holocron isn't part of the crystal, and the infobox image should (ideally) be one solely of the article's subject.- I realized that and added the new IB image probably at the same time you were posting this. ;) - JMAS Hey, it's me! 04:55, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
The "Characteristics" section quickly takes on a drone tone and is also borderlining speculation. Yes, the crystal was "given to a Jedi Master to keep and protect," but only one was identified, and your wording is leaving room for the reader to misinterpret it as an inaccurate generalization that it was always in the care of a Master, which remains unclarified by official sources. Please fix these issues.CC7567 (talk) 04:40, October 5, 2009 (UTC)- How's it look now? - JMAS Hey, it's me! 04:55, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Thanks for the fast look-see. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 04:55, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
- "While Ropal was on Devaron, Duros bounty hunter Cad Bane kidnapped him and stole the memory crystal. Later, during a mission to recover a holocron Bane had stolen from the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker was coerced into opening the holocron to save his Padawan's life." Please fix up the chronology here. Factual correctness should not be sacrificed for a shorter intro.
- No mention of Ropal's death at all. I do believe that's quite important.
- Please try to be clearer about Bane's trap. It isn't clear how Tano became a bargaining chip. Overall, the Battle of Devaron needs a lot of expansion—not to the point where it becomes threaded with unnecessary info, but enough to help the reader understand the events.
- When you link two independent clauses together with "however," the conjunction is preceded by a semi-colon and followed by a comma. Please keep this in mind next time.
- I'd recommend organizing your Bts better. The canon stuff (i.e., the actual appearances) should come first before you go into any sort of its development, regardless if it dates back to A New Hope.
- Even though that this is likely to be here through "Children of the Force" (unless it snowballs with five AC votes), I still maintain that the assumptions about Bane's escape should wait until then when it can be confirmed.
- Your linking was extremely sporadic and inconsistent. Please try to be more careful next time. CC7567 (talk) 06:19, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
- Fett
- I'm seeing a lack of explanation about the death of Ropal and the capture of Ahsoka. Bane wanted to torture Ropal to make him open the holocron; however, it's not explained in the article. For Ahsoka, you did not mention that Bane spotted two Jedi attacking his frigate, and he wanted to lure them for the same purpose—open the holocron. I see you mentioned "Once on board, the Jedi were lured into a trap by the Duros hunter.", though that doesn't explain it a lot. The next sentence states: "Skywalker was forced to open the holocron and let Bane insert the crystal in order to save his Padawan's life. " That is a huge time gap between the previous sentence and this one. What about Bane torturing Ahsoka, and using her to get Anakin to him.
- "Bane then took the completed holocron, opened an airlock to blow the two Jedi into space, and escaped." Factual error, JMAS. Bane did opened the airlock; however, Ahsoka was endangered. Anakin threw a fragment of the B2 super battle droid at that ray shield control, and it opened the ray shield, allowing Anakin to save Ahsoka.
- More to come man. :) JangFett (Talk) 20:33, October 5, 2009 (UTC)
Comments
- OK, not removing the nom, I'm gonna fix what I can now, but wait 'til Friday to see what this week's episode reveals. - JMAS Hey, it's me! 22:36, October 6, 2009 (UTC)
- Doesn't this need a {{Spoiler}} tag? Nayayen
(talk) 21:19, October 14, 2009 (UTC)
Vote to remove nomination (AC only)
Outstanding objections for three weeks as of today. Article overall needs a good, thorough rewrite for factual correctness. CC7567 (talk) 06:35, October 27, 2009 (UTC)- Per CC. Grunny (Talk) 06:44, October 27, 2009 (UTC)
Jonjedigrandmaster (Jedi Beacon) 18:05, October 27, 2009 (UTC)