Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kusurrun

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kusurrun

  • Nominated by: 501st dogma(talk) 22:32, October 2, 2013 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: A suicidal frigate

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:37, October 17, 2013 (UTC)
  2. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 04:59, October 26, 2013 (UTC)
  3. Menkooroo (talk) 01:34, November 4, 2013 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Winterz (talk) 17:40, December 19, 2013 (UTC)
  5. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 23:24, January 4, 2014 (UTC)
  6. Supreme Emperor (talk) 21:38, January 13, 2014 (UTC)

Object

El Jefe
  • Would like a year mentioned in the intro.
    • There.
  • Are there no more quotes you could use?
    • Nope. The frigate's only briefly mentioned, and appears in one quote.
  • Would like a just a couple words on what a dovin basal was.
    • Done.
  • Timing's off in the History section. You say that Lah died "later in the fighting", after you've already said that the New Republic won and the battle was over.
    • Better?
  • I'd like it to be made known that the battle was a trap a bit earlier—from an omniscient, encyclopedic perspective, we would know it was a trap from the beginning, rather than after the Yuuzhan Vong found out. IFYLOFD (Enter the Floydome) 01:17, October 16, 2013 (UTC)
    • How's that look? Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 21:59, October 16, 2013 (UTC)
Hot licks and rhetoric
  • "There, the Kusurrun was a part of the Battle Group of Yun-Yuuzhan, which was commanded by Warmaster Tsavong Lah, as Lah attempted to destroy a New Republic base on the planetoid of Ebaq 9 in the Treskov system; the base was actually the bait of a trap designed by the New Republic's Admiral Gial Ackbar to give his side a much needed victory." - A bit of a run-on.
    • It isn't. The semi-colon breaks it up.
      • It's still one whole sentence. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 23:34, October 25, 2013 (UTC)
        • Yes, but the semi-colon still breaks it up. The semi-colon puts a pause in the sentence structure, eliminating the run-on quality of the sentence. 501st dogma(talk) 23:45, October 25, 2013 (UTC)
          • A semi-colon is of the same "strength" if you will of a comma, but whatever. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 04:59, October 26, 2013 (UTC)
  • "As the battle began to look like as if the New Republic " - Oddly phrased, perhaps substitute "appeared to" for "look like" but that will require a bit more reconstitution.
    • Killed the "like".
  • Tis all. Thefourdotelipsis (talk) 01:28, October 25, 2013 (UTC)
    • Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 12:23, October 25, 2013 (UTC)
Ebaq to the future
  • "Lah had the Kusurrun and rest of Yun-Yuuzhan..." Just calling the battle group "Yun-Yuuzhan" doesn't seem right, since they're the Battle group of Yun-Yuuzhan and not just "Battle Group Yun-Yuuzhan." Unless the book does so, in which case, carry on.
    • Fixed.
  • A little nitpicky, but: "Lah ordered the Kusurrun to commit a suicide run on the shields to damage them, and also had the battle group's Victory Section follow the frigate, and try to take out the shield with their gravity-manipulating dovin basals. The frigate did so..." The use of "did so" coming right after talking about what Victory Section is going to do almost reads as if the frigate is doing Victory Section's task. Can you reword to make it clear what the frigate is doing?
    • Pow.
  • That the galaxy is largely controlled by the New Republic is intro-exclusive and seems like it would be good context at the beginning of the body, too.
    • How is that?
  • And in the intro, can you make it explicit somewhere that the Yuuzhan Vong's enemy/the defenders of Ebaq 9 are the New Republic?
    • Done.
  • You pipelink deflector shield to planetary shield, but we actually have planetary shield, too! Menkooroo (talk) 03:11, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
    • Fixed. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 19:00, November 3, 2013 (UTC)
  • Crap, one more. The article alternates between Kusurrun and "the" Kusurrun. Which is correct? There's also an intro/body discrepancy between planetary shield and planetary shields (with an s), I guess. Menkooroo (talk) 00:14, November 4, 2013 (UTC)
    • Both corrected. Never sure whether I should use "the" before a ship's name, but as the book never does so for Kusurrun, I've reflected that in the writing. 501st dogma(talk) 00:29, November 4, 2013 (UTC)
Yolo
  • I could be mistaken but shouldn't it be the Yuuzhan Vong Empire's property? Winterz (talk) 23:43, December 5, 2013 (UTC)
    • Sorry about the late response. Yes, it should be, as the Battle of Ebaq 9 happened after the Fall of Coruscant. Added to infobox and body. 501st dogma(talk) 13:24, December 15, 2013 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Article for the "enemy command center"?
    • Found the article that existed for it, and linked to it.
  • It sounds like space warfare needs to be linked in the body somewhere (and also in the intro) in regards to the Ebaq 9 battle.
    • Linked in body and intro.
  • Just to check, is the Battle of Ebaq 9 the official name for the battle? It should only be referred to as such in the article if it's also referred to by that name in the novel or another source. CC7567 (talk) 18:58, December 26, 2013 (UTC)
    • DW actually refers to it as the Battle of Ebaq, so the battle's page has been moved, and I have changed the title of the battle here. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 19:25, January 4, 2014 (UTC)
SE
  • The novel also states the warmaster had another frigate ram the shields after the Kusurrun, would you mind briefly mentioning it?
    • Done.
  • Would you mind starting the last sentence of the history section with something other than "Still"? As is, it reads a bit odd to me. Supreme Emperor (talk) 17:04, January 4, 2014 (UTC)
    • Changed. Thanks for the review. 501st dogma(talk) 19:31, January 4, 2014 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:41, January 13, 2014 (UTC)