Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Krin D'bis

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Krin D'bis

• Nominated by: Jinzler 15:01, 18 July 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Making good use of the Akial formula

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

1. Excellent, very clean. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:06, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
2. CC7567 ^(talk) 23:08, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
3. Jonjedigrandmaster ^{(Jedi Beacon)} 00:23, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
4. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
5. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 06:34, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
6. —Master Jonathan^{(Jedi Council Chambers)} 22:48, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. IFYLOFD:
   • "A short time after her graduation, D'bis was picked to be an official representative of the Academy at a celebration that was being held on Dorumaa, the moon of Almas" Reword, because it sounds like D'bis was chosen while already at the celebration.
     • Reworded --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
     • I see no change in the sentence. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 18:39, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
       • I did change it. I changed was being held to was going to be held. If you wanted me to change this further, then please let me know --Jinzler 20:05, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
         • Oh. I apologize. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 05:11, 22 July 2009 (UTC)
   • "They traveled to Greentree Pointe resort on Dorumaa, where the celebration was being held and they set up a booth there, to try and recruit potential students for the Academy." Doesn't flow well.
     • Fixed --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   • Mention her species in the bio.
     • Mentioned --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   • "The campaign was a supplement to the Star Wars Roleplaying Game and Paarty On! was an interactive scenario, which was intended for use at roleplaying events." Doesn't flow well.
     • Fixed --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   • Nice work. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 21:25, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Thank you --Jinzler 11:18, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
2. Soresu
   • In the intro, instead of all that clumsy context for the Academy, you could just use "Almas Jedi Academy". It ptrovides the necessary context and varies the intro from the body.
     • Fixed --Jinzler 20:23, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
   • You could mention in the P&T how she preferred a direct, aggressive solution to the problem of the Believers. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 23:12, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Fixed --Jinzler 20:23, 21 July 2009 (UTC)
3. From the Council Chambers:
   • "D'bis was a Kel Dor, a sentient species that was native to the planet Dorin.": Is this really necessary in the P&T? It's already stated three times that she was a Kel Dor (intro, bio, infobox), and I just don't see the need for the rest—AFAIK, we don't usually contextify a character's species.
     • Removed --Jinzler 18:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)
   • Otherwise, looks great. —Master Jonathan^{(Jedi Council Chambers)} 19:30, 25 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for taking time to look at the article --Jinzler 18:05, 26 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 22:58, 26 July 2009 (UTC)