Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kivvaaa

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kivvaaa

• Nominated by: Kilson^{(Let's have a chat)} 20:29, May 11, 2011 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Let the burning of the barns continue!

(4 ACs/1 Users/5 Total)

Support

1. IFYLOFD ^{(Floyd's crib)} 01:17, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
2. GTQ^(Problems?) 01:21, May 12, 2011 (UTC)
3. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:02, May 17, 2011 (UTC)
4. Menkooroo 04:25, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
5. 1358 ^(Talk) 18:51, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Arm

• Chronologically, I think the placement of the sentence about her cybernetic arm in the bio is good, but not so much the wording --- for chronology's sake, can you reword it so that it mentions the incident of her losing her arm and then goes on to say that she had to get it replaced, rather than leading with a description of her new arm and then reflecting back on the attack? Menkooroo 16:08, May 20, 2011 (UTC)
  • How's this? And thanks for the review Menk. Kilson^{(Let's have a chat)} 02:28, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
    • No problem. But I'm wondering if the actual wording can be changed a bit rather than just flipped around within the sentence --- it still kinda reads like it's backtracking chronologically, as it doesn't describe the actual event and what happens in it. Something like... "Kivvaaa lost her arm in one attack, and had to..." Does that make sense? Menkooroo 03:24, May 21, 2011 (UTC)
      • How about now? Kilson^{(Let's have a chat)} 00:02, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
        • Yeah baby! Menkooroo 04:25, May 22, 2011 (UTC)
          • FWIW, I've tweaked this sentence to condense the overall wording and for active voice. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:14, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:51, May 23, 2011 (UTC)