Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kite

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kite

  • Nominated by:Kilson Likes PIE 21:05, 12 April 09 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments:You have to get him running before you do if you want him to fly. :-) Kilson Likes PIE 21:05, 12 April 09 (UTC)

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. I just fixed a few grammar problems...nice article. Jonjedigrandmaster Jedi symbol (Jedi beacon) 00:59, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 05:16, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 21:18, 26 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. Per review below; just needed a little tweaking. —Lucius malfoy7 Nute777 (Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!) 21:36, 29 April 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 01:23, 13 May 2009 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Chack Jadson (Talk) 20:25, 28 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Quick glance from the clone
    • "While Kite was talking to Nune on the bridge of the Laudable, the task force was attacked by the Malevolence, a Subjugator-class heavy cruiser equipped with two giant ion pulse cannons on each of its sides that could disable any starship's shields, and then destroy the exposed ship using its turbolaser batteries." It starts out fine, but the last part of the sentence is confusing, since you go off from Kite and Nune to completely focusing on the Malevolence.
      • I meant for you to change the second part of the sentence. Leave the sentence, but cut it off after "starship's shields". You can then say how the Malevolence destroyed the Laudable itself, not saying how the Malevolence destroyed ships in general. Otherwise, it's a bit unclear.
        • I reworded it myself. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png (s)talk 00:08, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
    • "In 22 BBY, during the height of the war between the Galactic Republic and the Separatists, Kite, the nickname for a clone trooper commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, was assigned to the bridge of the Laudable. The Laudable was a Venator-class Star Destroyer that was part of Ares Nune's, a Phuii Jedi General, task force to patrol the Phu system for any Separatist activity." Saying that Kite was assigned to General Nune and was then dispatched to the Laudable would be preferable, because the way that the context is currently included breaks up the sentence flow.
      • Please check this again; say in one sentence that Kite was assigned to General Nune. And then start a new sentence and say that Kite and Nune were onboard the Laudable. Also, there are other changes that should be made to this sentence, mentioned in my second look below.
    • Additionally, the first mention of Kite as a nickname in the body makes it sound like Kite was a nickname, instead of a real clone trooper. It sounds like it was simply a term coined during the war.
      • I'm not sure if you addressed this, but this objection still remains. Since we already know Kite was the nickname of the guy, there's no need to say it twice. The first mention in the intro is enough.
    • "However, the Confederacy's new secret super weapon, the Subjugator-class heavy cruiser, the Malevolence, under the commander of General Grievous, the Cyborg Supreme Commander of the Separatist Droid Army, were hiding out of the sight of the Republic task force." Too many commas, too many pauses, and misplaced context breaks up the sentence flow here as well.
      • Mentioning Grievous in one sentence and then providing context for him in the next doesn't seem to be working. Please change it so that Grievous is first mentioned with context (and there's a good sentence flow). Perhaps just take out "under command of General Grievous" and then include it in the next sentence, so that Grievous can be first mentioned with context.
    • That's all I noticed in a first look; I'll have to continue later when my body isn't screaming at me for sleep. CC7567 20px-Rex.png (s)talk 07:29, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
      • Thanks for the review, I addressed your objections. Also, the next time you're feeling tired, just eat some PIE, it'll wake you up in an instant. Kilson Likes PIE 18:42, 13 April 09 (UTC)
  2. Now that the clone is (more or less) conscious:
    • The objections above still remain; please look at them again and see if you can improve them.
      • My apologies, I did not fully understand your original objections. You can check now and see how they are.
    • The guy's name is "Kite", not "Commander Kite". It's not "Captain Rex" or "Commander Cody"; titles aren't part of the names themselves. I changed it.
    • How was Kite born? Did he just pop up as a clone trooper commander out of the blue? This needs to be mentioned in the body.
      • There is very little information about Kite other than what was given in "Shakedown". I would've said he was cloned and trained on Kamino, but I was hounded for something similar to this in my HOB-147 nom because I didn't know this for sure (it's currently fourth on the nom list if you want to take a look at the objections). All I know for certain is that Kite is a clone, from where, nobody knows.
    • "Kite...was assigned to Ares Nune, a Phuii Jedi General, aboard the bridge of the Laudable": So Kite was assigned to the bridge, and not the ship itself? Please change, and mention later that they were on the bridge [during the attack].
    • State the purpose of Nune's fleet before mentioning the Laudable (and that Nune and Kite were stationed aboard it).
    • "As Kite and Nune were finishing up their conversation": from this, it sounds like the conversation was extremely important (more than it should have been). Please reword and/or remove.
      • I was just trying to detail the attack as best I could. It's true that as soon as Kite and Nune finished their conversation, they were attacked by Grevious. I don't see how it makes the conversation any more important.
    • "...Grievous ordered the Malevolence to fire one of its two ion pulse cannons, which could disable the shields of any starship, at the Republic task force." Saying the effect of the ion cannons when it happens would sound better.
    • Just a note, since you changed it back: the correct spelling is "assigned", not "assinged". Also, since I missed it the first time, it's "Grievous", not "Grevious". In the future, I recommend pasting the article into Word and correcting the necessary spelling errors (since some Star Wars terms aren't recognized by the dictionary).
    • Since "deckplate" needs context (and including so would imply unnecessary importance), I would recommend changing it.
    • Continuity issues in the Bts. Shakedown was released, then the HoloNet News podcast, then "Rising Malevolence". To avoid confusion, if you can find another way to mention that the comic led into the episode while keeping continuity, it would be preferable.
    • CC7567 20px-Rex.png (s)talk 23:39, 13 April 2009 (UTC)
      • I addressed the rest of the objections. Once again, I'm sorry for messing up the previous objections. I'm one of those guys that when I think things up in my head, it makes sense, but as soon as I put it down on the page, it doesn't. Yes, I know that doesn't make sense. Kilson 19:35, 15 April 09 (UTC)
    • I think it should be mentioned first that Kite was a clone, before saying where he was assigned. Other than that, the article is looking fine. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png (s)talk 00:08, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
      • It already does, "Kite, a clone trooper commander in the Grand Army of the Republic, was assigned to Ares Nune, a Phuii Jedi General. Nune was in charge of a Republic task force." Kilson Likes PIE 20:56, 15 April 09 (UTC)
        • I mean saying "Kite was a clone trooper in the Grand Army of the Republic. In 22 BBY, he was assigned..." Sorry for not clarifying that. —CC7567 20px-Rex.png (s)talk 01:32, 16 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. Lucius STRIKES!
    • ...during the height of the war between the Galactic Republic and the Confederacy of Independent Systems... Doesn't need that much context; Clone Wars is fine.
    • Just a continuity question: we know he was assigned the Laudable, but was he in command of it?
      • Yeah, you're right, we don't know for sure. I got rid of command in the sentence.
    • Star Destroyers don't exist yet, do they? They're all Venator (or Jedi Crusisers) I think.
      • Yes, Ventor-class Star Destroyers are the only ones at this time period. But I don't see a need to repeat Ventor-class in the last sentence in the first paragraph. I think the reader will understand what I'm saying.
    • However, a new Confederacy superweapon was hiding out of sight of the Republic task force, in the form of the Malevolence, a Subjugator-class heavy cruiser under the command of General Grievous, the Cyborg Supreme Commander of the Separatist's Droid Army. A run-on sentence.
    • If another image can be found, please insert it. (I may be able to help if you need any images from Shakedown.)
    • I'll pledge my support after the above are addressed. —Lucius malfoy7 Nute777 (Give it up for Lil' 'Soka Tano, ladies and gents!) 12:18, 19 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. Soresu
  5. Can you work into the body that Kite is a nickname, since this is currently intro exclusive information. Grunny (Talk) 04:05, 12 May 2009 (UTC)
    • I put it in, thanks again for the review, dude. Kilson Likes PIE 01:20, 13 May 09 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 21:33, 28 May 2009 (UTC)