Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Kao Cen Darach

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Kao Cen Darach

  • Nominated by: JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 22:35, August 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: He's like Darth Maul! Except not evil and red! Although they are both dead.

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Assuming all the objections below are dealt with GTQ(Problems?) 03:19, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 23:06, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
  3. CC are no longer a admin?--Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 06:18, September 16, 2011 (UTC)
  4. ACvote 1358 (Talk) 08:00, October 1, 2011 (UTC)
  5. I don't care what Failoni says, Maul is dead.--Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 15:18, October 5, 2011 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Nice job.—Tommy 9281 Sunday, October 9, 2011, 18:12 UTC

Object

GTQ
  • You need to explain that the smugglers ships is the fastest in the sector otherwise you wonder why they are fighting towards the hanger if none of the ships there can out run the Sith GTQ(Problems?) 23:30, August 14, 2011 (UTC)
  • This is just stylistic but you don't need to use his full name every time you use it. Just Cen Darach, or Darach will do.
    • I actually don't use his full name every single time, so if you could point out the specific instances where it seems unnecessary I'll go ahead and fix them. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 20:13, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • the last sentence of birography and the first sentence of the second paragraphof the biographyGTQ(Problems?) 13:44, August 16, 2011 (UTC)
  • I think you could add a legacy section,possibly more to come.GTQ(Problems?) 14:21, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
    • Legacy section added, but it's a little short, so if you have anything to contribute to it I'd be appreciative. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 20:13, August 15, 2011 (UTC)
Kilson's quick preliminaries
  • First of all, disregard GTQ's previous objection about the Legacy section. The character does not need such a section, and it is mainly filled with fluff pertaining more towards Shan than Darach. You could cut it in half and tack it on to the end of the Bio.
  • You should fill in the "Skin" field of the Infobox. Also, you have Infobox-exclusive about Darach's eye color.
  • Mention the year the Sith attacked Korriban in the Intro.
  • You have a lot of Intro-exclusive info about Darach's species and gender which needs to be added to the Bio. Also, you need to add a mention of the Great Galactic War to the Bio.
  • Overall, you have a lot of missing links you need to address. I'll re-review once you address these. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 07:34, August 17, 2011 (UTC)
    • I think I've linked everything that needs linking. If you see anything I've missed, point them out and I'll get on fixing it! JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 03:14, August 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • But you haven't. Not even close. The intro is missing at least five pertinent links, and that was just after a quick glance. Perhaps you'll need to contact a resident copy-editor such as Master Jonathan to help you identify that which you have missed.—Tommy 9281 Friday, August 19, 2011, 11:40 UTC
        • Ah yes, my mistake. It appears I did neglect the intro during my first look. I'll continue looking for more links for the rest of the article in the meantime. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 03:39, August 20, 2011 (UTC)
          • I'm striking that objection for now, but I'll delve more into this article shortly to find anymore missing links. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 12:59, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
Talrrivanian
  • This sentence in the intro is messy, because you use "in order" twice. Kao Cen Darach ultimately sacrificed himself in order to hold off Sith Lord Vindican and his apprentice in order to ensure that his Padawan was able to escape and warn the Galactic Republic of the Sith Empire's return.
  • In the bio, you state that Darach incapacitated Malgus's master, but it is not clear that he is dead. Please clarify.
    • I left it as incapacitated because Darach doesn't actually kill Vindican, but I went ahead and re-worded it so it's clear Vindican did die. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 02:51, August 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • At a quick glance, it appears that you have missed several links. I agree with Tommy, maybe you should get someone with more copy-edit experience to help.
    • Any areas in particular? I'll admit that I'm mostly a writing oriented editor and tend to miss things like links and refs on occasion. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 02:51, August 22, 2011 (UTC)
  • Some links missing at a very quick glance are:
  • In the intro, "sacrifice" could be pipelined to "death".
  • In the bio, "taken into custody" could be pipelined to "prisoner".
  • Also in the bio, "killed" could be pipelined to "death", replacing the later "slaying".
  • In the bio again, "starship" could be linked. In the future maybe you should pay closer attention to linking, if you look harder I'm sure you can find more on your own.
    • Starship is already linked, which usage were you referring to? I'm honestly at a bit of a loss as to what else to link so if there's anything else I'll probably go find a copy-editor. Man I don't recall linking being this frustrating on my previous noms! :P Thanks for the help so far! JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 05:39, August 22, 2011 (UTC)
      • Like I said, it was a very quick glance, I made a mistake. I see now the starship link.
  • This sentence in the P&a is messy because you use "eventually" twice. His combat abilities enabled him to eventually defeat Vindican, although he was eventually overwhelmed by Malgus' rage and brute strength.[2]
  • Maybe more later.--Talrrivanian JaingHead (Headquarters) 05:59, August 21, 2011 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • I would suggest adding some context to the intro regarding the "resurgent" Sith Empire. It's not entirely clear that the Sith were initially believed gone (or whatever the specific situation was), so it's therefore unclear when you say that they "returned."
  • Please check your sourcing in the initial part of the Bio—I don't think all of that info can be sourced to Timeline 6.
    • Hmm, that ref seems to have been misplaced, it should only be the source for the year. Fixed now. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 20:47, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • Is the Fall of Korriban really the first battle of the Great Galactic War? Many Wookieepedia articles (in addition to several Timelines, it seems) appear to claim otherwise. Please check.
    • I think it's the first major battle but you are correct in that there were earlier attacks, so I've fixed that. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 20:47, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • Again, more context is needed in the Bio regarding the "resurgent" Sith Empire. Why were they considered as such at this point? I'd also suggest explaining the significance of Korriban to the Sith.
  • "His telekinetic ability was significant enough that he was able to hurl large objects": large objects such as what? A more specific point of reference would be better here.
  • If he wasn't named until after the trailer, his name in the Bio can't be sourced to anything else but the source that identified him. Please rectify.
  • Release date of Return in the Bts, perhaps? And perhaps mention BioWare, too?
  • Overall, linking and formatting was rather inconsistent in the article. I'm sure you're familiar with the standards and expectations of GAs by now, so please try to pay more attention to these details in the future—they separate well-written articles from ones of less caliber. CC7567 (talk) 04:56, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
  • Any more quotes that can be added? I'm sure that he has some more dialogue in the trailer. CC7567 (talk) 21:11, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
    • The quotes in the article are pretty much the extent of his dialogue. He says "We must warn the Republic," right after "The Sith Empire has returned," if Jeth wanted to use that as a P&T quote or something, but that's all of it. Darth Trayus(Trayus Academy) 21:17, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
      • I think I might as well go ahead and use it. I'm rather fond of quotes and they can easily be changed if he ends up saying anything else in the future. Thanks for the idea Trayus! JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 22:18, September 5, 2011 (UTC)
The_Cal_Jedi has returned!
  • First off, in the intro you say that he fought in the early years of the Great Galactic War. But in the bio you say that he fought leading up to the Great Galactic War. Which is it?
  • I also don't see his affiliation to the Galactic Republic mentioned in the body of the article. Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 22:08, September 23, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you mean. The article currently mentions that he was escorting a prisoner in Republic custody and decided warning the Republic took a priority when the actual battle start. In addition I'm not sure how necessary it is to state that Jedi Master is affiliated with the Republic, but if you disagree, please let me know what you'd like to specifically see me add to the article. JethLordMasterYing yang copy (Xia Order) 17:52, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
      • If you could even just say something as simple as "servant of the Jedi Order and the Galactic Republic" or something like that. On your comment on warnign the Republic and taking the prisoner, it doesn't necessarily mean that he's affiliated with the Republic. And it is important to state it since you mention it in the infobox. --Cal JediInfinite Empire (Personal Comm Channel) 23:26, September 24, 2011 (UTC)
Nitpicking
  • While the phrase "…during the years immediately preceding the…" may be grammatically correct, saying something is immediately preceding something sounds quite awkward. IMO this could be better phrased. 1358 (Talk) 22:53, September 30, 2011 (UTC)
"Mr. Ages, may I please speak with you?"
  • The bio reads sort of conversationally, and a bit like I'm reading a story. Starting here: "While the smuggler maintained his innocence, Darach rebuked him for his attempt to smuggle Sith artifacts off-world."
  • "as well as the cranial horns typical of his species" Does Return make this distinction?
  • "Darach displayed considerable bravery and did not hesitate to enter a battle with two powerful Sith." Powerful Sith is POV.
  • "He was also willing to sacrifice himself so others, many of whom he barely knew," Again, does Return make this distinction?
  • "He was always looking after Shan's well-being" is OR I believe. The source didn't convey to me in any way that he was always looking after her well-being.
  • "difficult skill of throwing his lightsaber." Again, does Return identify saber throw as difficult?
  • I don't think Malgus was a Sith Lord during that trailer.
  • "Darach also demonstrated the use of an unorthodox style of combat," Does Return identify it as such?
  • That's all. Not bad.—Tommy 9281 Monday, October 3, 2011, 22:35 UTC
  • "Darach and Shan confronted the Sith Lord Vindican and his apprentice, Malgus, who arrived shortly thereafter to stop their escape attempt." This sounds like Vindican and Malgus tried to stop Vindican and Malgus' escape attempt.—Tommy 9281 Thursday, October 6, 2011, 17:58 UTC
  • "Darach held his own in combat against the Sith, but Shan did not fare as well, and Darach ordered that Shan escape to alert the Republic of the return of the Sith Empire." Couple things. First, the character names are repeated too closely. Second, you insinuate that Darach (a) didn't think Shan did well and (b) told her to leave because of it. I don't think that's necessarily correct.—Tommy 9281 Friday, October 7, 2011, 22:29 UTC

Comments