Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Joc Sah

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Joc Sah

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Pre-nom reviewed. —Master Jonathan New Jedi Order (Jedi Council Chambers) 01:48, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Clone Commander Lee Talk 09:11, August 2, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote I read this with no beforehand knowledge of who wrote it. I should have known;)—Tommy 9281 17:05, August 28, 2010 (UTC)
  4. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 08:45, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
  5. ACvote -- 1358 (Talk) 18:50, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

Object

Xd1358
  • Check your biography sourcing. The two first sentences can't be sourced to AotC. -- 1358 (Talk) 14:42, August 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Click seems to be a measurement of time. Please fix.
    • To what, specifically? This is what Remy says in the story, so I guess the definitions betweem "click" and TCW's "click" differ.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 17:38, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
      • I don't know. Perhaps create an article? Are you sure they don't mention klick? -- 1358 (Talk) 17:57, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • That's all I have. Nice work. -- 1358 (Talk) 16:25, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Please cut down on the intro. It currently accounts for almost half of the article, which, in comparison to the bio, isn't very balanced. See what you can do about this.
    • Better, or do you think the part about the ship being destroyed can go?—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:20, August 26, 2010 (UTC)
      • I'd still recommend cutting it down. Currently, the intro is borderline p-b-p; shorter sentences like "During the war, he was apprenticed to the Jedi Master Sev" and ones with more p-b-p details like "Sah traveled to the planet's surface along with a squad of clone troopers aiming to secure an outpost" can be merged with other sentences to further improve the sentence flow. Please see what you can do. CC7567 (talk) 06:36, August 30, 2010 (UTC)
  • "Sah was immediately attacked by Remy and the members of the squad. Shortly after the clones attacked him": the wording here is rather redundant, and fixing this will help to address the previous objection.
  • "As the two prepared for battle": can this be worded differently? This word choice is open-ended enough to make it sound like Sah and Gaan were fighting on the same side. Please reword.
  • This isn't really an objection, and it's admittedly less of a problem here (which is good), but just to be safe, please check over the article and make sure that there isn't an excessive amount of p-b-p wording and that the writing flows well. CC7567 (talk) 21:40, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
    • I think it's good, please try it and let me know.—Jedi Kasra (comlink) 23:20, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 22:30, September 4, 2010 (UTC)