Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Ione Marcy

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Ione Marcy

(0 ACs/0 Users/0 Total)

Support

Object

Jujiggum's preliminaries
  • The intro needs a substantial expansion. It should fully summarize all of the major events of the bio.
  • The {{Ref}} tag only needs to be used in the infobox—not in the article's body. Also, there should be no referencing in the article's intro whatsoever.
  • Also, remember that each item should be linked once in the infobox, once upon its first mention in the intro, and once upon its first mention in the bio.
  • I'll give the article a full review once these are fixed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 01:09, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • I'm still seeing some linking issues.
  • You shouldn't bold the name of the article's subject in the bio—only in the intro.
  • The intro needs to follow chronological order. Right now the order of events is random and very confusing.
  • There is currently a lot of POV wording in the article. For instance, in the intro you say that two of her crimes were particularly notable. Notable in whose opinion? Yours? For all we know, she may have taken part in some far bigger crimes than these. Remember, unless the source says so, these kind of statements are speculative.
  • More to come. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 13:47, August 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • Still seeing speculation in places—for example, do we know for sure that she and Cassie "engaged in many illegal activities" together? IIRC, the only thing we know about is the theft of Tano's lightsaber. Please go through the article and make sure that everything is attributable. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 00:00, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
Attack of the Floyd
Ione no-Mercy
  • Source 22 BBY.
  • Please give reference 3 a visible name.
    • Name visible-ed.
  • Check your sources section: What is wrong?
    • Ha! Can't believe I never noticed that...
  • The Bts needs expansion. (Mention TCWCE appearance)
    • Appearance mentioned.
  • Things like homeworld needs to be in the body as well, not only in the infobox.
    • I've added homeworld, but honestly, how can I state her height/eyes, etc.? In a physical description section, maybe?
      • No, it's fine now. :-) -- 1358 (Talk) 06:25, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
  • I don't think two subsections in the bio are necessary. Merge those two.
    • I have.
  • The P&T quote is OOU; works better in the Bts.
    • I've found another quote for the other section, but both are slightly half-BTS, half-P/T.
      • The OOU perspective makes them both invalid for the P&T. Please remove the P&T quote.
  • Check your image caption punctuation.
    • Punctuation added.
  • Airdate for Lightsaber Lost?
    • Airdate added
  • I'm sorry if these objections are the same as someone elses. :) -- 1358 (Talk) 21:31, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
Jang attacks
  • The lead quote doesn't describe her personality or mean anything to the overall article. Perhaps you could replace that quote with something else.
  • You have incorrectly sourced "Rise of the Empire era" to the TCW episode. Please take a look at other TCW articles; you will see that it's properly sourced to the TCW novel.
  • We don't know if Ione was born on Courscant, was successful, engaged in many crimes, unless a source states otherwise. Have you checked the new TCW character guide?
  • Seeing quite a few grammatical errors. I have corrected quite a few spelling errors and punctuation errors. Please go back and see if you see anything else.
  • Ione did not steal Ahsoka's lightsaber from her. In the intro, you have said she and Cassie stole it, but really they murdered Nack Movers and took it from him. I think you could slightly reword "which included the the theft of Jedi Padawan Ahsoka Tano's lightsaber and the murder of Nack Movers" to make it seem they killed Nack to take the lightsaber.
  • "When the Jedi arrived at Mover's apartment, they found Marcy, who hid Cryar in the next room and posed as an innocent bystander." Who hid Cassie? Please reword to clarify this.
  • "However, Cryar was found by Tano and tried to utilise the lightsaber, but was unable to turn it on, and so escaped through the window, and was chased by Tano through Coruscant." How is this even relevant to Ione? The "meanwhile" in the next sentence does not make any sense, as this article is about Ione. You should expand on Sinbue's interrogation and him placing the homing beacon on Ione.
  • "Upon being accused of the killing and of being the intruder's accomplice by Sinube, Marcy escaped in her airspeeder, and picked up Cryar." In this sentence, you have been chronologically jumping and it makes the sentence very confusing. But as it reads, she jumped in her airspeeder, in her apartment, and picked up Cassie?
  • You have incorrectly sourced "Around 22 BBY" to the TCW episode. Again, please take a look at other TCW articles; you will see that it's properly sourced to the TCW novel.
    • Bah; see my objection above. ;-) -- 1358 (Talk) 16:03, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
  • Why was Ione acting as an innocent being? You did not mention that Movers' body was still on the floor near her when Ahsoka and Sinbue came to find the lightsaber.
  • Why did Ahsoka decided to check the nearby room? You are also missing that Sinbue wanted to talk to Ione. There is some dialogue in the episode describing this.
  • Why did Cassie decided to jump out of a window after she learned that the lightsaber's owner was Ahsoka? We did not even know she had the lightsaber in the article, since you have failed to mention it.
  • You did not even mention or talked about the interrogation scene with Ione and Sinube. Since this is Ione's article, it would be wise to add it in. You're missing quite a lot of information, since those scenes featured Ione the most.
  • "Unbeknownst to Marcy, Sinube had secretly planted a tracking device on her and was following her with Tano while the two thieves escaped." You could have mentioned Sinbue planting a tracking beacon on her before. Also, I do not understand what you mean after that clause. If I recall, Ione came to get Cassie by Palpatine's little holo screens. This is not even mentioned.
  • "to make their way to a spaceport in another district, where they would get a ship and leave Coruscant." Where is this from? I don't recall seeing or hearing this in the episode.
  • So Ahsoka and Sinbue magically spawned at the train station, coincidentally at the same time Ione and Cassie were escaping? You could mention that Sinube came to get Ahsoka and then followed Ione's tracking signal, ect.
  • "Marcy was not as skilled physically," We do not know this, however.
  • "though this was in part because Marcy was not a Terellian jango jumper." What?
  • You incorrectly sourced the bts.
  • Overall, please watch out for factional correctness, spelling and your grammar. Sourcing is also another issue I see with this article. JangFett (Talk) 15:58, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Okay, I've:

  • Corrected as many grammar/spelling/tense mistakes as I could find,
  • Expanded intro
  • Added/gotten rid of citations/links where needed
  • Added quotes
  • Created link to Nack Mover's girlfriend. I have not created the page yet, but I will.
  • Gotten rid of parenthesis.
  • Reworded any sentences that needed it.

I await further instruction.--BonslywizardTrade Federation(Send a transmission...It's perfectly legal!) 16:49, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

  • Hey Bonsly, it's usually best to leave notes saying you've addressed an objection under the particular objection you've addressed, rather than in the comments section. It just keeps the page more organized and makes things easier for you and the reviewers to follow. Thanks. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 13:47, August 10, 2010 (UTC)
  • Also, please do not strike another user's objection—doing so is considered bad faith. It is the objector's job to decide that the objection has been addressed. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 18:30, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

  1. ACvote Unaddressed objections for two weeks and my current objections will be reaching the second week mark on Saturday. JangFett (Talk) 16:05, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 16:14, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 20:57, September 1, 2010 (UTC)
  4. ACvote—Tommy 9281 21:00, September 1, 2010 (UTC)