Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Hurdiss

Kilson

• In the intro, "He was one of the Imperial Navy's many communication specialists. Hudiss coordinated Star Destroyer fleet movements during challenging tactical situations." I would just combine these two sentences to make it read smoother.
• "In 3 ABY, following the Battle of Hoth, in which the Galactic Empire forced the Alliance to Restore the Republic to retreat from their headquarters on the planet Hoth, the Imperial-class Star Destroyers of Darth Vader's personal fleet, Death Squadron, pursued the freighter Millennium Falcon—carrying the fugitive Rebel operatives Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia Organa, and Han Solo—after the vessel's escape into the Hoth asteroid field." First of all, that's all one sentence, separating it in two would probably be the best. Second, Skywalker wasn't aboard the Falcon at that time, please correct this.
• You pipe-link Executor-class Star Dreadnought into Super Star Destroyer, but then link Super Star Destroyer later on in the section. I would just get rid of the pipe-link to avoid confusion.
• In the History section, you first say the Imperial-class Star Destroyers are pursuing the Falcon, but then you say, with no transition, the Executor itself is pursuing the Rebels. Please clean this up.
  • Every objection addressed. Hanzo Hasashi 02:29, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
• Otherwise, looks good to me. Nice job. Kilson^{(Let's have a chat)} 02:04, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
• My apologies, one more. "When the warship lost the Millennium Falcon near the Anoat system, Darth Vader Force choked Captain Lorth Needa, the commanding officer of the Imperial II-class Star Destroyer Avenger, for his failure to capture the Rebel ship." I don't see how this relates to Hudiss at all. If it doesn't, just delete it from the article. Kilson^{(Let's have a chat)} 02:36, April 13, 2011 (UTC)
  • I have. However, I thought it was sort of necessary background. Oh well. Hanzo Hasashi 02:46, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

Who 'dis?

• If the ESB storybook is an Appearance, then I think it should be (First appearance) rather than (First pictured).
  • Done.
• Beginning from "When the warship lost the Millennium Falcon..." is a pretty long run-on sentence with a lot of commas. Can you break it up?
  • I think I fixed it in a way I like better?
• Is "the Hoth campaign" a real term? If not, I feel like it sounds more like an RPG scenario or a video game level than it does something from a film. But... if you called it "The Empire's Hoth campaign" ... ooooh, I like that. What do you think?
  • Official sources have indeed stated those events as "the Hoth campaign", among them Piett's Databank bio. Nonetheless, I changed it.
• Do you think maybe a sentence at the end stating that Death Squadron jumped into hyperspace is in order? If Hudiss was aboard when it happened, it seems like valid info for his bio.
  • I added it.
• Good work! Menkooroo 04:12, April 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Thanks. By the way, I noticed your change sourcing the 3 ABY to TEA instead of Empire Strikes Back. Alot of quality articles of movie characters I notice simply state the film to the year (ANH characters 0 BBY, ESB 3 ABY, etc.). Is it better for me to always cite an official source other than the movie for the date? Hanzo Hasashi 04:24, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
    • Hmmm... I'm honestly not 100% sure. I don't think there's consistency across the board for dating the OT films. Most media released these days includes a date somewhere in the opening pages, but they weren't really worried about a timeline in 1980. Regardless, referencing 3 ABY to ESB is probably OK. I recommend asking Tope, as he has the most experience with ESB articles. Menkooroo 04:39, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • Alot of his articles also just sourced the date to the films. Also he supported several of my GANs which sourced the films to the years. In any case, after seeing your edit, I decided to accordingly adjust the sourcing for my Vandolay nom. Hanzo Hasashi 04:45, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

What Trak Could Track

• Did some minor copy-edits here and there.
• I have to second Menk's mention of the "Hoth campaign." When I read over it, I had to reread it to make sure it wasn't talking about an RPG scenario. "Hoth mission" or Menk's suggestion could work.
  • Taken care of above.
• His hat, to me, looks more like an ash gray, rather than black. Perhaps even an olive gray. Was there anything that mentioned the color of his hat?
  • Yea, it didn't even look black to me either, I don't know why I chose to say it was black as opposed to something like dark gray. Hanzo Hasashi 04:24, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
• That's pretty much all I can find. Trak Nar ^{Ramble on} 04:32, April 18, 2011 (UTC)

Toprawa

• I'm afraid I disagree with a previous objection made to this nom regarding the treatment of The Empire Strikes Back Storybook in the Appearances list. I added the item myself and chose "First pictured," rather than "First appearance," because the character does not appear in the storyline of the text in any way. There is only a film still showing the character in the background of a picture intended to focus on Piett and Vader (in which Vader orders Piett to deploy the fleet). Additionally, the book shows this picture completely out of context. The picture incorrectly accompanies the scene in which Piett first reports the probe droid sighting to Ozzel, so it's not even corresponding to anything. I'm usually of the mind that {{1stp}} and {{Po}} should not be used with Appearances, but I think this is one of the rare cases where this applies. This really shouldn't be considered a true appearance for the character, even though the nature of the source itself requires it be included in the Appearances list. That's why I originally felt "First pictured" was more appropriate. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:44, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
  • Fixed. Should I at all mention the inconsistency in the Behind the Scenes? Hanzo Hasashi 23:41, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
    • Not sure noting the inconsistency is really all that necessary. I gave Menkooroo a heads up before striking this objection, since I think it's only fair that he's aware of this change. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:20, April 20, 2011 (UTC)
      • Meanwhile, any other objections you have for this article before Menkooroo responds? Hanzo Hasashi 22:22, April 20, 2011 (UTC)
        • Yes. Menkooroo has given his go-ahead, so I think the BTS needs to now reflect the fact that he actually "appeared" in that storybook before the movie. You might choose to use the Sheckil BTS as an example of how I did it. Toprawa and Ralltiir 17:54, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
          • Done. Hanzo Hasashi 19:53, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:04, April 27, 2011 (UTC)