Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Hantor Loftus

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Hantor Loftus

  • Nominated by: --Eyrezer 04:28, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: This man dared stand up to Kyle Katarn (or at least went behind his back to his superiors)

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 08:01, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
  2. ACvote Grunny (Talk) 09:29, 29 May 2009 (UTC)
  3. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is a lie) 03:06, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. --Darth tom Imperial Emblem (Imperial Intelligence) 11:27, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 12:42, 1 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Attack of the Clone
    • Context needed for Katarn in the intro.
      • Done
    • "Loftus heard that the Imperials were targeting Jaxa Lian": can be worded a tad less colloquially and replace "heard", I think.
      • Done.
    • "Loftus knew that if they could kill the lead Inquisitor behind the Project, it would be set back months": the first part of the sentence's subject is "the lead Inquisitor", and it's therefore a bit confusing when you use "it".
      • I think I got this one.
    • The spacer was successful in his mission, having successfully killed the Inquisitor." Slightly confusing verb tense with "having"; the first part of the sentence is in past tense, but the second part is looking back on the mission with a slightly awkward shift in verb tenses. Also, can a "successful" be reworded or removed?
      • "Full of success"? :P
    • "Loftus liaised with the recovery and incarceration team sent as a follow up to Katarn's mission; however, they discovered only one Imperial survivor who was left terrified from the incident." It sounds like a word is missing somewhere between "recovery" and "incarceration". Also, the current wording of the second part makes it sound as though they were searching for survivors who were terrified, rather than just survivors; I'm not quite sure which it is.
      • Nope.The original quote is "The recovery and incarceration team has arrived on Tatooine as instructed." The second part has been adjusted.
    • "Loftus sent the prisoner on to Coruscant": I'm unsure if it was an accident or if you meant "onto". In any case, the "on" can be removed.
      • No, I meant it as in he forwarded him on to Coruscant.
    • "Loftus was prepared to "humbly request" Katarn cease working on intelligence gathering missions": I think a word is also missing in here somewhere; do you mean "prepared to humbly request that Katarn cease working"?
    • CC7567 (talk) 06:13, 25 May 2009 (UTC)
      • Cheers for the review. --Eyrezer 07:17, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

  1. Big thanks to Craven who uncovered the old Galaxies stuff for me! --Eyrezer 07:19, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 12:42, 1 June 2009 (UTC)