- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Gwarrk
- Nominated by: Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:20, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Second try
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
- Hey, Mr. Owl…--Jedi Kasra (comlink) 15:48, July 22, 2010 (UTC)
- Nice job. DarthRageLeave a message after the beep
- -- 1358 (Talk) 09:08, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
CC7567 (talk) 20:19, August 14, 2010 (UTC)- The main quote is funny. Chack Jadson (Talk) 14:45, August 15, 2010 (UTC)
- Grunny (talk) 01:06, August 16, 2010 (UTC)
Object
Attack of the Clone
"Gwarrk asked Fisto why he had recalled the clones and insisted on another attack." This sentence is rather protrusive and doesn't match the general perspective of the intro. If you're trying to say that Gwarrk opposed Fisto's order to retreat, then saying that would be better. In any case, this needs rewording.- Fixed.
"Following the battle, Gwarrk stated that Fisto was very powerful, and the Jedi said that the power of his mind and the help of 2242 had made the victory possible." Going from the last objection, please try to limit the amount of comments (ones that have no overall significance to actions) you include in the intro, as they get rather play-by-play and are rather unnecessary. Please try to shorten this one.- Fixed.
"Gwarrk did not care much about the clones and spoke to the Commander with no respect": please try to provide examples of some sort for this statement.- Added.
- "sending then on a suicide attack": even if the Geonosians had the better position, this statement is still rather subjective. Please try to reword it with more factual correctness. CC7567 (talk) 19:59, August 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 10:46, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
- "sending then on a suicide attack": even if the Geonosians had the better position, this statement is still rather subjective. Please try to reword it with more factual correctness. CC7567 (talk) 19:59, August 12, 2010 (UTC)
- Added.
"However, he greatly admired Fisto's skills and acknowledged them to him when the battle was over and shook the hand of the Clone Commander." This is a run-on sentence, and I'm not really seeing why the part about him shaking the hand of the Clone Commander is relevant here. Perhaps saying that "he was grateful to the clones after they won the victory" and using the handshake as evidence for this would be better.CC7567 (talk) 22:11, August 6, 2010 (UTC)- Added. Thanks for the review. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:31, August 12, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358
Before I read through it: The intro is too long. Cut down on it.-- 1358 (Talk) 07:17, August 7, 2010 (UTC)- Fixed. Clone Commander Lee Talk 18:31, August 12, 2010 (UTC)
Two 'anothers' close to each other in the intro. Could you change one of them?- Changed.
"..allied with the Confederacy of Independent Systems invaded the planet Rishi to capture its exonium mines. In order to foil the Separatist plan and to protect the planet's native inhabitants, the Jedi High Council dispatched Green Company, a unit of clone troopers, to retake the mines." How could the Republic retake the mines if the Separatists were on their way? If the Seps had already captured the mines, please change the first sentence to "..the planet Rishi and captured its exonium mines."- Fixed.
- -- 1358 (Talk) 19:48, August 13, 2010 (UTC)
- Thank for your review! Clone Commander Lee Talk 08:47, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 01:06, August 16, 2010 (UTC)