Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Groshik

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Groshik

• Nominated by: IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 20:27, 9 July 2009 (UTC)
• Nomination comments: Neimoidians ahoy!

(3 ACs/4 Users/7 Total)

Support

1. —Master Jonathan^{(Jedi Council Chambers)} 01:27, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
2. Mauser^Comlink 16:28, 15 July 2009 (UTC)
3. Nayayentalk 11:07, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
4. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 20:55, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
5. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:46, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
6. Jonjedigrandmaster ^{(Jedi Beacon)} 22:59, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
7. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 04:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)

Object

1. From the Council Chambers:
   • "escape justice after killing a Galactic Republic ensign in self-defense": Usually, if you kill in self-defense, you're not guilty of anything, so please explain why he would have to "escape justice".
     • Addressed.
   • "visited the cantina after being suspended from the mines after biting the thumb off a miner": "After" is repetitive.
     • Addressed.
   • "He served with distinction and his Force-sensitivity was discovered, and would eventually become Darth Bane": "And" is repetitive.
     • Changed by Chack during his copyedit. —Master Jonathan^{(Jedi Council Chambers)} 04:13, 11 July 2009 (UTC)
   • Facepalm time: You forgot the "Notes and references" section and {{Reflist}}, which I added. :P Otherwise, good job. —Master Jonathan^{(Jedi Council Chambers)} 02:41, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Bah! :P Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 21:49, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
2. Chack Attack:
   • "Groshik was a male Neimoidian cantina owner on the mining world of Apatros in the decades leading up to the Battle of Ruusan. Groshik operated the cantina on Apatros' only colony." Could you combine these sentences? They don't really flow as is.
     • Addressed.
   • Also, I don't think you need the stuff about how Des would become Bane in the intro. If you want to keep it, it should be rephrased so that is flows better.
     • Addressed.
   • Otherwise, nice. Chack Jadson ^(Talk) 12:24, 10 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 21:49, 14 July 2009 (UTC)
3. Soresu
   • After/afterwards occurs too many times in the second paragraph of the bio.
     • Er, it's only used once.
       • Use the find function. I count it six times in the second and third paragraphs combined. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 08:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
         • Ah. I only looked at the second paragraph. Addressed. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 20:52, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
           • Sorry about that. I wasn't thinking straight. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is a lie)} 04:25, 20 July 2009 (UTC)
   • Groshik's cantina was visited by members of the crew of a Galactic Republic cargo ship who had visited Apatros to collect cortosis from the mines. Visited is repetitive, and who had visited should be that was visiting, since that refers to the cargo ship. SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 08:31, 16 July 2009 (UTC)
     • I would believe that the second part of your objections falls under Sofixit, but addressed nonetheless. Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 00:57, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
       • I realise that, but I'd rather get it all smoothed out in one go. :) SoresuMakashi^{(Everything I tell you is the truth)} 08:23, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
4. Nayayen
   • I can work out that you use the acronym "ORO" for the Outer Rim Oreworks Company but don't explicitly relate the two.
     • Er, what?
       • You never state what "ORO" means. Never mind, I've fixed that anyway. Nayayentalk 11:07, 19 July 2009 (UTC)
   • "owned and operated a cantina on the only colony on the mining world of Apatros." The CUSWE says that the cantina was the only one in Apatros.
     • Addressed. But btw, CUSWE isn't official or anything. You probably shouldn't be making objections to a nom based on what the CUSWE says.
   • "This sentiment made him very popular with the cortosis miners that frequented his cantina" Also from CUSWE, he wasn't only popular with them but got to know them.
     • Alas, never actually stated in PoD. Only says he was friends with Dessel.
   • Nayayentalk 17:24, 17 July 2009 (UTC)
     • Thanks for the review. IFYLOFD ^{(You will pay the price for your lack of vision!)} 00:57, 19 July 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 04:26, 20 July 2009 (UTC)