Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Grievous's Providence-class carrier/destroyer

The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was unsuccessful. Please do not modify it.

Grievous's Providence-class carrier/destroyer

Nominated by: TK 999 18:28, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
Nomination comments: Unidentified starship at an unidentified location.

(1 ACs/1 Users/2 Total)

Support

Unidentified vote from an Unidentified user.—Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 22:03, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Clone Commander Lee ^Talk 09:22, January 14, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Lee's charge

the starship served as the flagship of Confederate General: Word missing here.
- Fixed. TK 999 19:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
An assault by five Venator-class Star Destroyers and Aggressive ReConnaissance-170 starfighters resulted in the ship taking damage, allowing the duo to escape. Jedi Master Plo Koon and several clone troopers then boarded the craft, destroying several battle droids. Grievous evaded capture.: This needs to be connected to the previous sentence to make the text flow better. Also, please mention that Koon and his troops were Republic forces.
- Added time definition. TK 999 19:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
~~"Commanders and crew" section is needed.~~
- Added. TK 999 19:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
~~"Latest sighting" is missing in the infobox.~~
- Filled in. TK999 19:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
  - Would not Rescue of Adi Gallia be correct? Clone Commander Lee ^Talk 13:37, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
    - Indeed, thanks. Added. TK 999 15:38, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
~~The docking bay is missing in the description section.~~
- Present as hangar, identified as such in slide 17 of the episode gallery. TK 999 19:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
More to come. Clone Commander Lee ^Talk 18:42, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review so far. TK 999 19:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)

Return of the Jedi

~~You need to specifically identify it in the history, rather than just "the starship." It should be first mentioned as "Providence-class carrier/destroyer" and be linked accordingly.~~
- Added. TK999 15:38, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
  - Link is still missing. :P —Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 16:19, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
    - Added. Thanks for the review! TK 999 17:37, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
Please note my copy-edit. Otherwise, nice work.—Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 22:25, January 10, 2012 (UTC)
- As a side note: I'm a bit confused by the naming of single references, since WP:S says that's not needed for a single insertion. Thanks for the copy-edit, though. TK999 15:38, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
  - The WP:S does state that it is fine to use the <ref> for single insertion. However, most users seem to prefer to use the full form since it is more professional looking and more uniform.—Cal Jedi ^{(Personal Comm Channel)} 16:19, January 11, 2012 (UTC)

Jangeth

~~Before I could continue with my review, please take a look at the Layout Guide and correctly order the sections in the article. JangFett ^(Talk) 23:21, January 10, 2012 (UTC)~~
- Reordered. TK 999 15:38, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
The image for the infobox makes it seem that the ship belongs to Grievous, and it does per that SW.com guide, so I do believe the article could be moved to Grievous's Providence-class carrier/destroyer, since it's been established that it's his flagship and it's a Providence-class carrier/destroyer. If it wasn't known who owned the ship, then I would go with the Unidentified title.
- Conflicts with redirect, so I'll ask for administrative involvement at the NB. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
Sourcing Vulture droids and B1 battle droids in the infobox to the TCWVG alone makes it seem they are in the TCWVG or confirmed to have their respective name mentioned for the first time, which isn't the case. Sourcing it to the episode alone would suffice. There were another issues with the sourcing, nothing major, but basic things to watch out for in the future. I'll note them later. The BX commando droid isn't much of a problem, since the title BX was first confirmed through that guide, but you may source it to the episode alone.
- Sorted. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
~~If the Raid on Adi's starship is indeed a raid and not a battle, then please see what you can do for this mention "Some time after the battle" in the intro.~~
- ~~Neutralized. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)~~
  - Well, I didn't ask for you to remove it, but rather clarify that if it's a raid or battle. Nevertheless, it's fine now. JangFett ^(Talk) 23:15, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
Since you mentioned Adi's starship in the previous sentence, stating "the spacecraft" following it makes it seem you're either talking about Adi's starship or Grievous's. Please clarify this, as it's confusing.
- Clarified. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
~~Same goes with Plo Koon's involvement~~
- Desublimated. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
~~I won't repeat my words, but the sourcing in the description is similiar to the situation in the infobox. See what you can do to fix this.~~
- Reduced. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
Though I took care of this, you don't need to source Grievous' general rank since it's self sourcing and it's stated in the episode. :P Same with Adi's Jedi Master rank. If it's ambiguous, if the rank is not well known, or changed through time, such as Ackbar's rank as an example, then it would be better to source it. However, Grievous's rank and Adi's seems to be rather static. Sourcing R2 and C-3PO's droid types seems to be rather irrelevant.
- Thanks for the input! TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
The first paragraph in the history needs some tweaking. You can begin by mentioning that the Providence is Grievous' flagship, then go into the whole battle thing. Introducing it before talking about what it did would be ideal. I think this will also take care of "along with two Munificent-class star frigates," which makes it seem those are Grievous's flagships too.
- Split up. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
~~By saying the starship fired on the Weequay ship as target practice on the orders from Grievous makes it sound Grievous was talking to the ship. :P~~
- Tweaked. TK999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
  - Better, but "the starship encountered and destroyed" still makes it seem the ship was doing it by itself. You can say Grievous ordered the crew to destroy the starship. JangFett ^(Talk) 23:15, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
    - Reworded. TK999 10:28, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
      - Do we know for sure that Grievous ordered the droids? By saying the crew aboard the ship alone will be fine. JangFett ^(Talk) 04:09, January 25, 2012 (UTC)
        He tells the bridge crew to destroy it as target practice. TK 999 16:21, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
"The protocol droid C-3PO and the astromech droid R2-D2, who had been blown out from the destroyed craft," How where they blown out of the destroyed craft? Did they escape or was this the result from the explosion, ect?
This sentence needs tweaking: "Shorty thereafter, an assault by Galactic Republic forces—five Venator-class Star Destroyers and Aggressive ReConnaissance-170 starfighters—resulted in the ship taking damage," Basically, where did this group come from? Did they just arrived? Been there? Suggesting that five Venators and five ARC-170s started to attack Grievous's ship seems that they were there and began to just attack. I would first introduce them, like "A Republic battle group, consisting of..." before anything else.
- Changed order and added their origin. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
~~Since Plo Koon arrived from that Republic battle group, I would mention this before saying Plo Koon entered Grievous's ship for clarification.~~
- Slide 17 says that he leads a rescue mission; will think about that. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
Once these are taken care of, I'll go deeper on the detail of the article and go through the article as well. It's not bad, but try to be consistent with the sourcing, since I saw that as an issue throughout the article. JangFett ^(Talk) 22:13, January 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks for the review so far. TK 999 20:31, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
"Some time after the event, the general's spacecraft fired upon the Weequay pirate starship Marauder under orders from Grievous" The wording here makes it sound like Grievous was talking to his ship. JangFett ^(Talk) 23:15, January 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Changed. TK999 10:28, January 14, 2012 (UTC)
  - Good, but the Grievous issue is present in this sentence too. JangFett ^(Talk) 04:09, January 25, 2012 (UTC)
Be sure to reload the infobox. JangFett ^(Talk) 04:09, January 25, 2012 (UTC)
As a side note, be sure to read WP:MOS#Ranks and titles. If you're referring to a character by his or her title/rank, and in this case Grievous, it should be "General," not "general." So in a sentence, it would be "The General told the droids." JangFett ^(Talk) 04:09, January 25, 2012 (UTC)
- Okay, thanks. TK 999 16:21, January 28, 2012 (UTC)
~~Is there any way you could reword the first intro sentence? "Participated in the attack on" does sound rather poorly. JangFett ^(Talk) 17:12, January 29, 2012 (UTC)~~
- Done. TK999 15:42, February 2, 2012 (UTC)
  - Take a look at my edit to see if you agree with it. I changed some wording around, but I'm still noticing something awkward with that line. It's better than it was before, but perhaps if you could introduce what the force was, it'll clear it out a bit. JangFett ^(Talk) 22:33, February 5, 2012 (UTC)
    - Detailed. TK 999 15:34, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
"Later, Grievous ordered the crew to destroy" Since you last talked about the Republic craft, it sounds like Grievous is ordering them and not his flagship's crew.
- Clarified. TK 999 15:34, February 6, 2012 (UTC)
Not sure why that one sentence about the ship can outnumber another ship in the description section belongs there. Unless you could give me an explanation, I see this fitting more in the history section. If you want to keep it in the description, can you briefly state what her cruiser is? I.e, ship class. JangFett ^(Talk) 01:47, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Removed as extraneous. TK 999 14:40, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
Unfortunately, we cannot source the airdate to the episode guides any longer. For some sourcing examples, you may use the SW.com official calendar or IMDB to source the airdate. JangFett ^(Talk) 01:49, February 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Done. TK 999 14:40, February 28, 2012 (UTC)
Reload your infobox. JangFett ^(Talk) 02:22, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

Cav

~~Intro: multiple stationed battle droids - what exactly is meant here? Battle droids stationed on the vessel? Battle droids at command stations? Please rewrite and clarify.~~
- Hopefully done. TK 999 18:58, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
Some context on why C-3PO and R2-D2 were on the Marauder is needed. Why would Republic-affiliated droids be on a pirate ship? Also, how did they escape? A pod or something else?
- Added info. TK999 18:58, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
  - Is there an article on their capture to link to? If not, one could probably be created. Also "flew out" doesn't clarify much. Did they fly out in a craft, or blown clear in an explosion? - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 12:08, March 19, 2012 (UTC)
    - This objection is still outstanding, and you've been working on other objections to the article during that time. Can you please take a look and rectify it so that I can see if I can strike it? - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 09:06, April 12, 2012 (UTC)
~~When the droids escaped the carrier/destroyer after the Republic assault, did they return to the Republic with Plo Koon?~~ - Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 10:54, March 7, 2012 (UTC)
- The episode only shows them conversing to the clones as the latter begin searching the ship. TK 999 18:58, March 7, 2012 (UTC)

Exiled Jedi

~~Right now in the introduction and body Marauder links to a disambiguation page.~~
- Fixed. TK 999 14:31, March 25, 2012 (UTC)
"A minimum of 32 B1 battle droids, fifteen Vulture droids and two BX-series droid commandos were also present on the ship." I am slightly confused on how you got these numbers. Did you manually count every droid we saw on the ship during the show?
- These are the droids present on slide 18 of the episode slideshow on StarWars.com.14:31, March 25, 2012 (UTC)
~~In the introduction, you say that the target practice on the Marauder was successful, but could you make it clear that they destroyed the ship?~~--Exiled Jedi (Greetings) 12:23, March 12, 2012 (UTC)
- Clarified. TK 999 14:31, March 25, 2012 (UTC)

Jujiggum

~~Redlink in the intro~~
- Shameful typo sniped off. TK 999 13:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)
"Grievous ordered the crew of his flagship to destroy the Weequay pirate ship Marauder as target practice, which led to the pirate vehicle's destruction." Please kill the redundant wording.
- Recalibrated. TK999 13:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)
  - Grammar/typo here: this one's not a complete sentence anymore, and the double-usage of "destroy" still remains. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 14:40, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
    - Changed expression. TK999 18:07, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
      - The redundant wording is gone, but this is still not a correctly formed sentence. You currently say: "Sometime after capturing Gallia, Grievous ordered the crew of his flagship to fire on the Weequay pirate ship Marauder as target practice, destroyed the latter." Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 18:34, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
"…consisting of five Venator-class Star Destroyers and Aggressive ReConnaissance-170 starfighters…" Do you mean five of each? If not, could you say something like "…and several Aggressive ReConnaissance-170 starfighters…"?
- Changed, thanks! TK999 13:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)
  - Not seeing any change here. Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 14:40, March 31, 2012 (UTC)
    - Added quantifier. TK 999 18:07, April 6, 2012 (UTC)
~~In the Commanders and Crew section, could you link which of the unidentified B1s reported to Grievous (on the "one")~~
- Added link. TK 999 13:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)
~~Is there any way to work in the other unidentified B1s so that they aren't just mentioned in the infobox?~~
- Added an emdashed sidenote. TK 999 13:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)
That's all from me. As a note (I took care of this in my copyedit): words like "unknown" or "unidentified" should never be used in the main body of an article or its infobox, unless the subject is canonically stated to be so (and even then, it's usually only unknown to a certain person or faction, which should then be specified). Jonjedigrandmaster ^(Talk) 00:49, March 27, 2012 (UTC)
- Thank you for the review! TK 999 13:41, March 30, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Vote to remove nomination (AC only)

One of Jugs' objections has been unaddressed since April 6. 1358 ^(Talk) 14:09, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
Cavalier One^{(Squadron channel)} 14:12, April 24, 2012 (UTC)
JangFett ^(Talk) 14:30, April 24, 2012 (UTC)