Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Gelesi

< Wookieepedia:Good article nominations
The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Gelesi

  • Nominated by: NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 21:54, 21 February 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: In the name of the Face of Revan!

(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)

Support

  1. Inqvote --Eyrezer 03:48, 7 March 2009 (UTC)
  2. SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 02:01, 25 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 19:23, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
  4. --Darth tom Imperial Emblem (Imperial Intelligence) 11:21, 31 May 2009 (UTC)
  5. Made a couple minor fixes. Good work. Jonjedigrandmaster (Jujiggum) 00:49, 2 June 2009 (UTC)
  6. ACvote Graestan(Talk) 00:53, 2 June 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. You need to provide some more context in the bio section regarding his choice to support the Queen. I know it is mentioned in the intro, but needs to be in the bio as well. Also, doesn't it need light-side tags seeing as the dark-side path is in the Bts? --Eyrezer 04:04, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
    • It is mentioned in the Bio and I've added the tags. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 08:31, 28 February 2009 (UTC)
      • The addition you made to the intro re the Queen is good. But what I was suggesting is that the extra context should be placed in the Biography section, rather than the intro. As it is currently, the intro has more info of the Queen/Vaklu conflict than the biography. --Eyrezer 21:30, 6 March 2009 (UTC)
  2. Graestan the Merciless:
    • Was the CSWE checked?
      • Yes, I'm told there is nothing significant. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
    • "Young" is pretty subjective. Please remove.
    • Mentioning that he lives in Iziz, and not just plain Onderon, is essential in both the intro and bio.
      • Done
    • Context for Talia's and Vaklu's ideals in the intro.
    • Context for the Onderon Civil War in the intro.
    • Context for the Second Battle of Onderon in the intro.
    • Do we know he was only one of three total Captains of the Guard for Iziz? It sounds speculative.
      • Yes we do. That girl who wants them gone if the Exile sides with Vaklu says so. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 13:14, 24 February 2009 (UTC)
    • "Gelesi did not fall victim to a murder" – This is pretty evident. It's also pretty much unnecessary. Please either reword considerably or remove.
    • Context for the Jedi Exile.
    • Context for Kavar.
    • There is zero setup for the political situation. Please expand the bio with the necessary information.
    • From the intro and P&T, I can tell that this article is far from complete in terms of telling his story as part of the larger situation. Please expand it appropriately. I'll continue my review at that point. Graestan(Talk) 04:10, 23 February 2009 (UTC)
  3. Cylka:
    • Iziz wasn't a major or a large city on Onderon, it was the only city. Please change the intro and article body to reflect this.
    • Was Sullio his good friend? If she was, you need to add that to the article proper as well.
    • You give two different versions of Sullio's murder -- one in the intro the other in the article body. Please correct them so that they will be the same.
    • In the introduction, I believe everything will flow a bit more smoothly if you introduce the political situation first, then the fact that Gelesi is torn between them.
    • wanted to secede from the Rebublic as they felt it was dragging Onderon into to many conflicts. - What is this it, that is dragging Onderon into too many conflicts? Please clarify.
    • He was among the soldiers that verified a visa belonging to the Jedi Exile, a woman in search of any surviving Jedi High Council members to help her in eliminating the Sith Triumvirate, as she was in a rush to leave the planet. - There is almost zero context for any of this information. We really don't know who the Exile was, or why she was an Exile. What exactly happened to the Jedi High Council, in that there are only survivors. Who is the Sith Triumvirate, and why do they need to be eliminated. And why is she in a rush to leave the planet? You either need to give some context or you need to streamline the information that you are going to give.
    • Why did the Onderon Civil War start? And I believe that you should pipelink the Second Battle of Onderon, otherwise you will have to explain why it is the second battle and not the first.
      • That is explained because the political situation escalated. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
    • I'm not sure that you can say that Gelesi was the youngest of the three Captains. That is a bit subjective. Same with him being Human. What is your source for that?
      • He is obviously human. He even has the face of a confirmed human. If you argue that, what is the source for Bostuco, Andi, Carth, or Jolee? There are no Cylons in Star Wars. Also, Andi calls him the youngest of the guards so the info is valid. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
    • I also wouldn't say that the Republic dragged Onderon into the wars. It was more like Onderon, as part of the Republic, had a responsibility to take part in these wars.
      • The opinion of the Vakluists was that they were "dragging" them into the conficts but I have an idea for a compromise on this one though it may be a bit wordy.
    • though in actuality the Hawk was the one attacked by the Onderon Military. - Why was the Hawk attacked by the Onderon Military?
    • The Exile was in a rush to escape the planet after a meeting with Kavar, a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who went into hiding following an event that crippled the Jedi Order's numbers, that was interrupted by an attack by Vaklu's men. - This sentence is a bit disjointed. It appears that you just slapped some information in the middle of a previous sentence without trying to integrate the new information. Whay was the Exile in a rush? You need to contextify this "event" a bit more. What was interrupted by Vaklu's men?
      • Done, as well, It states that the meeting between Kavar and the Exile is interrupted. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
    • By the time the Exile returned, after meeting with another Master, Onderon had fallen into full-scale civil war between the Royalists and Vakluist faction. - Why did the Exile return? I believe that you can cut out the part about her meeting another Master, since it has nothing to do with this article.
    • The Exile took a military command of the Royalist forces and pressed across the Sky Ramp, a walkway to the Iziz Royal Palace, fighting her way to the top alongside Bostuco and his men. - Why did the Exile take military command, and why did they need to get to the Palace? And to the top of what did they fight their way?
    • You should make it clear right from the start, and not the end, that the non-canonical version means that the Exile has sided with Vakklu from the beginning.
    • In the Bts, why did Anda want the removal of the three Captains?
    • Who are the Beast Riders? They need some context in the Bts.
    • Another way to remove him is to have Panar, a Beast Rider working under Bakkel who frequented the Beast Rider's Den in the cantina, threaten to kidnap and marry his four-year old daughter if she chooses to support General Vaklu. - You need to fix your use of pronouns in this sentence. It is quite unclear who thinks what.
    • What do you mean about being dark sided. Some one who is not familiar with the game, may not understand this.
    • I believe that the Prima Guide needs to be listed as a source as well.
    • Again there are numerous spelling mistakes along with many linking issues. You also need to check your use of pronouns. Please check over the whole article.
      • There was only three, if you see it then take the 2 seconds it takes you using your internet and do it.
    • Please take care of these objections and I will look over the article again. I realize that some of my objections may fall under {{Sofixit}}, but you have already promoted three articles to GA status, and so you know what kinds of things to look out for. Each of your previous articles, plus the ones that you currently have on the GAN page all have the same issues with them. You make the changes necessary to fix objections, but they appear to be somewhat hasty, and at times create additional issues. At this point, I am not inclined to give you much leeway. You have had plenty of time and practice to learn the ropes. Cylka-talk- 12:04, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
      • Look, I'm a bad speller, I haven't taken a spelling test since 5th grade. I do well enough and I ask that if you see it, fix it. As well, I know the ropes well enough, I've been a wookieepedian longer than you so I ask that you please take your expectations of me and leave them at the door. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 16:35, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
        • Look, Naru, the "I've been a wookieepedian longer than you" bit is unneeded and I don't like what you're implying with that. Cylka is right in that you should not be making the same mistakes over and over. Anyway, in the future, put the article into Word and spellcheck it. That's what I do before nominating things, and it works. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:06, 3 April 2009 (UTC)
          • Yes, that was probably uncalled for but I assure you that there were no implications with it. And yes, I'll do that from now on not that I hadn't already done that in the past. However, by striking her objections without voting, Cylka has made her opinion quite obvious and I see no use of prolonging this conversation. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 04:02, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. Soresu
    • The Exile was in a rush to escape the planet after a meeting with Kavar, a Jedi Master and Jedi High Council member who had went into hiding due to the crippling of the Jedi Order by the Triumvirate, that was interrupted, as Kavar was a Royalist, by an attack by Vaklu's men. This doesn't flow very well. Reword slightly.
    • There is a non-canonical ending of the game, as supporting Taila's faction is considered canon, the Jedi Exile, at the request of a Vaklu supporter named Anda, who wanted the removal of the three Captains of the Guard to weaken the Royalist military in preparation for the attack on the Royal Palace and was willing to pay the Exile twenty-five hundred credits for each one she removed. This sentence is dangling. There needs to be a bit at the end explaining what the Exile chooses to do. Since the second part of the sentence is just context, at the moment, it's reading like "There is a non-canonical ending of the game, as supporting Taila's faction is considered canon, the Jedi Exile, at the request of a Vaklu supporter named Anda." SoresuMakashi(Everything I tell you is the truth) 23:52, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
  5. Attack of the Clone
    • "he was given her rank and assignment, verifying starport visas, cards that allowed passage on and off the planet, at the entrance to the Merchant Quarter from Iziz Starport." The sentence seems rather choppy with a lot of commas stopping sentence flow; please try to rephrase.
    • "the Republic was unnecessarily dragging Onderon to war with them: bit awkward phrasing.
    • "an attack by Vaklu's men as Kavar was not only a Jedi but a high-ranking Royalist, the Exile was in a rush to escape the planet." This sentence is unclear; please check again.
    • "By the time the Exile returned, after receiving word that Kavar had been trying to contact her, Onderon had fallen into full-scale civil war between the Royalists and Vakluist faction." Two prepositions are used, and it's unclear whether each one applies to Onderon or the other preposition.
    • Vaklu and Revan both need context when they appear.
      • Vaklu has context and I've contextified Revan.
    • "and even a bit paranoid in his own opinion": so it was he himself that deemed himself to be paranoid? It sounds a bit strange; please check this.
      • He says in-game that he thinks he's become paranoid, I checked it before I wrote it. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:21, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
    • Please reword "dark sided".
      • I moved the context before it and this way of phrasing it has been used in many FAs and GAs before. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:21, 9 May 2009 (UTC)
    • I understand that you have different (and perhaps stronger) beliefs about the inclusion of context than I do, but there are some places in which the context just cuts through the sentence flow. One example is the first sentence of the Bio's third paragraph, and another is the last sentence of the same paragraph; in both cases, it's extremely unclear which context belongs to what. Dashes sometimes suffice, but overall the article's sentence flow is a bit choppy and run-on. Please check the article again and see if you can smooth it out more. CC7567 (talk) 06:49, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 00:53, 2 June 2009 (UTC)