- The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.
Duel on Dica
- Nominated by: Kreivi Wolter 17:24, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Nomination comments: Just a lil' something to prevent mah so-called skillz goin all rusty.
(3 ACs/3 Users/6 Total)
Support
- Clone Commander Lee Talk 17:32, October 19, 2011 (UTC)
- Please note my copy-edit to see what to look for in the future. Otherwise, good job.--Cal Jedi
(Personal Comm Channel) 02:18, October 20, 2011 (UTC) 
Cavalier One
(Squadron channel) 14:44, November 10, 2011 (UTC)- JangFett (Talk) 21:12, November 26, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:15, December 15, 2011 (UTC)- CC7567 (talk) 02:53, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
Object
Jangeth
Intro-Context for GrievousGrievous managed to strike the stolen lightsabers out of the Dark Jedi hands" "Managed to strike"? In this case, I would avoid using the term "managed," since generally the means he was managing a business, a group of people, or managed to strike/protest against something. I would rephrase this sentence, and, if the comic shows this, include what Grievous used to recover the stolen lightsabers.- "When one of the twins stole Grievous's Sith lightsaber collection, the General followed her and confronted the sisters on Dica, where they were hiding." Since you mentioned that "one of the sisters" stole the collection and later said Grievous followed her, confronted the sisters, as well as stating where they were hiding, I think it would be better if you stated which sister stole the collection and then say Grievous followed her and confronted her and the other sister on Dica. Not to mention, the "they were hiding" is confusing as it stands since you're suggesting that both hid there, while only one was. JangFett (Talk) 05:32, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 21:13, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Can you name the sister? At the moment, you mentioned "her" several times, and then brought in the other sister. To clarify this sentence, who stole the lightsabers? JangFett (Talk) 18:28, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
- I can't. The comic doesn't tell it. Kreivi Wolter 21:28, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
- So the comic doesn't point out who's who? Basically I'm looking at this older GA Lii, and it does feature the this article's "You're too slow, Grievous!" quote, and it shows her infobox image. Both sisters look a like, but there's no distinguishes between the two? JangFett (Talk) 15:53, November 6, 2011 (UTC)
- It does points out who is who, but the comic starts some time AFTER the theft, when the Dark Jedi has already left to Dica. And as a side note, that so called GA (Lii) is filled with downright assumptions. Kreivi Wolter 12:12, November 8, 2011 (UTC)
- So the comic doesn't point out who's who? Basically I'm looking at this older GA Lii, and it does feature the this article's "You're too slow, Grievous!" quote, and it shows her infobox image. Both sisters look a like, but there's no distinguishes between the two? JangFett (Talk) 15:53, November 6, 2011 (UTC)
- I can't. The comic doesn't tell it. Kreivi Wolter 21:28, November 4, 2011 (UTC)
- Can you name the sister? At the moment, you mentioned "her" several times, and then brought in the other sister. To clarify this sentence, who stole the lightsabers? JangFett (Talk) 18:28, November 3, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 21:13, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
- "When one of the twins stole Grievous's Sith lightsaber collection, the General followed her and confronted the sisters on Dica, where they were hiding." Since you mentioned that "one of the sisters" stole the collection and later said Grievous followed her, confronted the sisters, as well as stating where they were hiding, I think it would be better if you stated which sister stole the collection and then say Grievous followed her and confronted her and the other sister on Dica. Not to mention, the "they were hiding" is confusing as it stands since you're suggesting that both hid there, while only one was. JangFett (Talk) 05:32, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
, accidentally causing them to land on an acid lake, destroying them." The Dark Jedi's hands or the lightsabers? At the moment, it reads like the former."The Dark Jedi twins quickly fled, and Grievous left the planet," Did it mention where they fled to? Or did they escape Grievous? Basically I would add more context here since you're saying the Dark Jedi fled and the Grievous left."At least one of them successfully entered Grievous's" Did it say where his collection was at? At the moment, the previous sentence and this is pretty rough in terms of chronological order and transition.- Still remains JangFett (Talk) 05:32, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- And done. Kreivi Wolter 16:08, November 2, 2011 (UTC)
- Still remains JangFett (Talk) 05:32, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
In the intro you say both sisters stole the lightsabers, yet in the bio you say only one was able to enter Grievous' starship and steal the collection. Please see what you can do to fix this.To connect to the objection above, did it say or can you make out what Grievous "starship" was? Because you later mention his "starcraft" Soulless One, albeit and pipe linked it.- In the comic, we only see the ship's insides in few panels. Come to thing of it, it's possible it wasn't a ship at all. It was clearly in space, since we can see space in one of the windows, but it could be a space station or something like that. Uh, now I don't what could be a proper term for something we don't know what it actually is... heck, any ideas? Kreivi Wolter 12:24, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
- "space craft" would probably be preferable for this. JangFett (Talk) 05:21, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Also unlinked since it's not sure what the craft actually was. Kreivi Wolter 14:20, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- "At least one of them successfully entered Grievous's space craft, where the General was with his collection at that time, and partially convinced Grievous that she was on his side." Please check your grammar here. I think it would be easier if you stated "After one of the twin sisters discovered the location of Grievous and his lightsaber collection, she successfully entered Grievous's space craft..." or something along those lines JangFett (Talk) 23:16, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 21:13, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
- "At least one of them successfully entered Grievous's space craft, where the General was with his collection at that time, and partially convinced Grievous that she was on his side." Please check your grammar here. I think it would be easier if you stated "After one of the twin sisters discovered the location of Grievous and his lightsaber collection, she successfully entered Grievous's space craft..." or something along those lines JangFett (Talk) 23:16, October 28, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Also unlinked since it's not sure what the craft actually was. Kreivi Wolter 14:20, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- "space craft" would probably be preferable for this. JangFett (Talk) 05:21, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- In the comic, we only see the ship's insides in few panels. Come to thing of it, it's possible it wasn't a ship at all. It was clearly in space, since we can see space in one of the windows, but it could be a space station or something like that. Uh, now I don't what could be a proper term for something we don't know what it actually is... heck, any ideas? Kreivi Wolter 12:24, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
"However, the theft was quickly discovered," To say "discovered" you're saying Grievous found her, which most likely isn't the case. You mean he found out who she actually was?"and the Dark Jedi pair raised their new Sith lightsabers" New lightsabers, as in brand new, or Grievous' stolen lightsabers?I'll look over the article again once these are taken care of. JangFett (Talk) 03:25, October 21, 2011 (UTC)- All done, 'cept that one thing I left a comment about. Kreivi Wolter 12:24, October 25, 2011 (UTC)
Cav
stroke the stolen lightsabers out of the Dark Jedi hands, - I'm not sure what you mean here. Is "stroke" the word you meant to use?- Nope. Just me being stupid. Kreivi Wolter 14:20, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
He was able to grab Kaa’s lightsabers with his cybernetic arm, - this gives the impression that Grievous had one cybernetic arm, which is not the case. Please revise for clarity.- Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 13:49, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 14:20, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
- Still not entirely clear; using the phrase "his cybernetic arm" implies one one such arm exists. I would qualify it with "one of his cybernetic arms". - Cavalier One(Squadron channel) 10:08, October 27, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 21:13, October 29, 2011 (UTC)
- Still not entirely clear; using the phrase "his cybernetic arm" implies one one such arm exists. I would qualify it with "one of his cybernetic arms". - Cavalier One
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 14:20, October 26, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
May I ask what the parent site is for the jpg image used for reference 3? I would like to include a citeweb template for that reference, as I have done for reference 2.Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:45, November 20, 2011 (UTC)- I'm afraid I don't know. I only copied that ref from Tao's article. Kreivi Wolter 10:19, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
- I found another version that we can actually cite. I'll add in the template when I have some more time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:14, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
- Thanks mate. Kreivi Wolter 16:07, November 23, 2011 (UTC)
- I found another version that we can actually cite. I'll add in the template when I have some more time. Toprawa and Ralltiir 21:14, November 22, 2011 (UTC)
- I'm afraid I don't know. I only copied that ref from Tao's article. Kreivi Wolter 10:19, November 21, 2011 (UTC)
I'm thinking we should probably at least leave a redlink for this space craft, assuming it's different from Soulless One: "she successfully entered Grievous's space craft"- There really isn't enough information about that craft that I would go to make an article about it. Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Perhaps someone else would? A redlink is all I'm looking for here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:16, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Of course, of course. Done and done. I myself just hate seein' redlinks in mah articles. Kreivi Wolter 15:49, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Thank you. You're welcome to fill in the redlink. It doesn't require one to write the full article. Just leave a stub. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:15, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Of course, of course. Done and done. I myself just hate seein' redlinks in mah articles. Kreivi Wolter 15:49, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Perhaps someone else would? A redlink is all I'm looking for here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:16, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- There really isn't enough information about that craft that I would go to make an article about it. Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
The article should establish that Grievous's Sith lightsaber collection includes two sets of double lightsabers, if I'm reading this correctly, upon first mention in the "Prelude" section, rather than mentioning this as a secondary detail later in "The duel" section: "the Dark Jedi duo raised the stolen paired Sith lightsabers"- They weren't double. Fixed. Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
I've done some rewording of this sentence for flow and readability, but I'm confused by what's going on here exactly. When he grabs her sabers with his other hand, did his previous hand drop away, or is he holding the sabers with both hands at this point? I'd like to see this explained more clearly: "Grevious first grabbed Kaa's lightsabers with one of his cybernetic hands, and when Lii tried to attack him from behind, he grabbed her sabers with his other hand."- Better? Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
- Good. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:16, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Better? Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
Likewise, this sentence too could use some minor expansion for clarification. The intro actually explains what's going on here more effectively than this sentence does. Try to word it something like the intro: "He jumped back on the cliff and disarmed the twins with one swipe."- Done. Kreivi Wolter 17:50, December 14, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't see any change made here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:16, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Weeell, I added that he used a lightsaber there... what exactly is confusing you here? Kreivi Wolter 16:23, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- You did add that, my mistake. I missed that somehow. Toprawa and Ralltiir 22:15, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Weeell, I added that he used a lightsaber there... what exactly is confusing you here? Kreivi Wolter 16:23, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- I don't see any change made here. Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:16, December 15, 2011 (UTC)
- Done. Kreivi Wolter 17:50, December 14, 2011 (UTC)
Who are the "combatants" meant to refer to here? All three of them? Please clarify: "Much to the chagrin of the combatants"- Eeyup. Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
I've reworded much of the BTS canonicity explanation to help with ease of understanding. Please let me know if you see any issues within. I do have one objection for that section, however. Nowhere in Chee's post does he mention anything about the comic originally being published as Infinities (or the publication date, which I've added, for that matter). A more appropriate reference will need to be used for that sentence: "The original 2006 publication of the work was labeled as "Infinities," marking the stories contained within as non-canon."Toprawa and Ralltiir 01:03, December 2, 2011 (UTC)- Done. Kreivi Wolter 11:54, December 9, 2011 (UTC)
Comments
Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 03:02, December 16, 2011 (UTC)
- The sw.com forums don't exist anymore. Tm_T awesomely archived all of the relevant stuff for the Wook, so check out his directory. Do a ctrl + f of "152583," and you'll find a ton of archived links to the "Holocron Continuity Database questions" thread. Check through them all until you find the post where Leland says the continuity is "fuzzy," and then replace the link in this article to the sw.com forums with a link to Tm_T's archived posts. I'd take care of this for you, but dear god there are a lot of links to that thread. Use the date to make your search easier. Happy hunting. Menkooroo 06:59, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Gah, I nearly bursted into tears when I opened that link, but it wasn't such a mad hunt I had feared it would be. So, here's the link. Uh, what kind of a template we use for this kind of refs? Kreivi Wolter 16:17, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Looks like I gave you the wrong number to search. Sorry, and good job finding it anyway. :P I think the current template is OK, just with the Tm_T URL substituted in. Menkooroo 16:33, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- No problem. All done. Kreivi Wolter 16:54, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Looks like I gave you the wrong number to search. Sorry, and good job finding it anyway. :P I think the current template is OK, just with the Tm_T URL substituted in. Menkooroo 16:33, October 20, 2011 (UTC)
- Gah, I nearly bursted into tears when I opened that link, but it wasn't such a mad hunt I had feared it would be. So, here's the link. Uh, what kind of a template we use for this kind of refs? Kreivi Wolter 16:17, October 20, 2011 (UTC)