Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Destruction of Otoh Sancture

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Destruction of Otoh Sancture

  • Nominated by: Commander Code-8 (talk) 04:35, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: My first GA nomination for Wookieeproject Video Games

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Good work handling the objections.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 02:38, August 19, 2012 (UTC)
  2. ACvote IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 22:34, August 21, 2012 (UTC)
  3. Good job on your first nom. 501st dogma(talk) 22:19, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
  4. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:15, September 12, 2012 (UTC)
  5. Inqvote Good job! Congrats on your first GA. :) Just remember not to use contractions and to avoid unnecessary pipelinking --- just use [[bursa]]s instead of [[Bursa|bursa]]s. Menkooroo (talk) 12:05, October 7, 2012 (UTC)

Object

Nice to see you writting your first nom!
  • I suggest you get rid of the redirects. You can see them by going to your Preferences' Gadgets section and selecting Highlight all redirects orange.
  • In the info box, you put the civilians causulties twice, once in the causilites for Gallo and once for the civilian causulities. Remove those for the civilians, since you already mentioned them in Gallo's.
  • Context for Naboo in the intro.
  • Context in intro and body for war of the Gungan tribes.
    • In the intro, could you reword the context so we don't have a repitition of Gungan tribes.....Gungan tribes.
  • You need to mention everything in the Intro in the body, as it's essentialy a summary of the body. Currently you're missing in the body that the event happened on Naboo.
  • Remember you can link to an article three times: Once in the intro, another in the introbox if its needed, and once in the rest of the body. Currently, there's many links that could be added in the non-intro body.
  • Throughout the article, could you try to focus more on the massacre, rather than Gallo. There's a bit of play by play in the Aftermath, so I think you could shorten it by removing the excess focus on Gallo.
    • "Gallo wandered through the forests of Naboo until he found the camp of Captain Marsune, a renegade Gungan known as the "Prince of Rogues", who agreed to trade the nerfs Gallo had found for the interrupted feast for several worker Glurrgs. Gallo took these Glurrgs and continued through the forests intending to find an appropiate area to make a settlement. On the way he encountered a small scout party belonging to Rogoe sent to make sure Gallo was dead. One of these Militiagungs revealed that Boss Rogoe had ordered the massacre as an attempt to kill Gallo and that he was the person controlling the war. Gallo told the militiagung to tell Rogoe that he was going to overthrow him and stop him from killing other Gungans." Here we have a lot of play by play focusing on Gallo. You should give the bare facts, like he raised an army to stop Rogoe after he learned that Rogoe was trying to kill him and was behind the war. I don't see how the Glurrgs are relevent here. 501st dogma(talk) 16:24, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
      • Okay I've removed the Glurrgs from the aftermath section--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:25, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
        • It still is too play by play. Gallo did this, Gallo learned that. You should just say he helped create a settlement, and raised an army to take back the Sancture after he learned that Rogoe was out to get him. 501st dogma(talk) 11:53, July 24, 2012 (UTC)
          • Okay I've shortened the section as much as I think i could so hopefully it's good now.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:33, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • "The bursas that had attacked the city too residence on the ruins and even created several nests." Whats this trying to say?
  • That's all for now. All users usualy have quite a few objections on their first nom, so don't panic or anything. Good Work, 501st dogma(talk) 12:01, July 22, 2012 (UTC)
    • Went through all of them and I'm pretty sure I've fixed everything. In the second last one too is meant to be took so it was just a typo.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:57, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
  • You don't need the see also thing at the bottom of the page. Those are already linked in the article, so it's fine as it is, and we usualy don't put that section in articles.
    • I had that there because it was recommended in the layout guide, If they're not used maybe the layout guide should changed--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
      • No status articles I've seen have had that section, so I think it's fine just to remove it.
  • The BtS needs to have info on each source it appeared it, not just the game. Context is needed for each source too, such as it's release date and author.
    • All of the info in the BtS section just comes from the game because it's what the player haas to do in the level. I'm not sure what you mean in the second sentence.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
      • It doesn't matter if there's no new info in the other sources, you still need to add them. For example, check the BtS here. Even though there's no new info for the ship in the CSWE, it's mentioned in the BtS. By the way, I looked in the Atlas, and the massacre itself is no mentioned, so that can be removed from the source list. 501st dogma(talk) 11:38, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
        • I've put the encyclopedia in the BtS section. The Atlas is there as a source because it doesn't nescesarily mention the massacre but it gives the date of when the War of the Gungan Tribes happened.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 22:12, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
          • Sources are for things that mention the article's topic. The Atlas doesn't count, even if it gives the date. You can use the Atlas as a ref though, not a source. 501st dogma(talk) 22:37, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
            • Ok ive taken the atlas out of the soures section--Commander Code-8 (talk) 07:37, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
  • Context for Bursas in the article.
  • In the intro you say Marsune helped him raise an army. Could you add that to the aftermath as well?
    • I actually reversed this because Marsune didn't agree to help Gallo until after the massacre so I figured he wasn't nescessary in the intro but hes still worth mentioning in the aftermath anyway.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
      • Did he actualy help Gallo raise the army? If so, you could mention in the aftermath that Marsune helped Gallo. 501st dogma(talk) 12:10, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
  • Context for Nerfs?
  • Context for the Guds?
  • "The bursas began to destroy everything in Otoh Sancture, leaving no Gungans alive with them not even knowing why they were being attacked." The last bit is a bit awkward. Could you reword it?
  • That's it for now, I'll do a final review later. 501st dogma(talk) 13:53, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
  • A couple of things: At the end of the Massacre section and the beginning of the Aftermath you say Gallo retreated into the trees. You only need to say it once.
  • "These were going to be identified as bursas by author Daniel Wallace in the book The Essential Guide to Episode I, which was eventually cancelled, however the creators of Galactic Battlegrounds included them in the game." A bit a grammer issues hear. I suggest you split this into two sentences.
  • Since you sourced the second paragraph of the BtS, could you do that for the first as well?
  • I'll support after you fix these. 501st dogma(talk) 23:13, August 20, 2012 (UTC)
Jangston
  • For now, please double check the canonical nature of the massacre's name. Since there is no {{1stID}} present in the article, where did the name come from? If it's conjectural, meaning it's not from a source just a way to describe the massacre, then please insert the {{Conjecture}} tag in the article and fix your intro. As a way to accomplish this, you cannot say "The Massacre of Otoh...," but rather "A massacre took place" or something along those lines. Also, your source list needs expanding. I would thoroughly check to see if you have all sources, be it the Complete SW Encyclopedia, Galactic Backgrounds prima guides, ect. JangFett (Talk) 02:41, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
    • Thanks for letting me know about the cannonical nature becuase that was actually present throughout the entire article so it was something I needed to fix.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:57, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
      • Code-8 did you check those sources? I hope you did not just place them in the article without looking. Please check to see if this massacre is mentioned in those guides. In the future, please be sure to thoroughly check sources prior to nomination. I would check entries for Gallo or anything related to the massacre. JangFett (Talk) 16:21, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
        • If you don't have the CSWE, you can ask if it had an entry here. 501st dogma(talk) 16:27, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
          • The encyclopedia as a source checks out (use the above link provided by Dogma it's near the bottom). I'm waiting on another user to tell me what the Prima guide says. PS Thanks for the link, Dogma.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:55, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
          • The massacre is also discussed in the prima guide so that's all of the sources--Commander Code-8 (talk) 07:31, July 30, 2012 (UTC)
All along the watchtower
  1. Okay, first thing I noticed is that the infobox is actually not completely sourced (and you need to add {{Ref|...}} around the ref notes).
  2. Make sure the quotes have the proper punctuation.
  3. Make sure capitalizations are consistent throughout the entire article. Currently, bursa is not.
  4. Intro: Please find another phrase for "Badly worried." It's borderline non-point of view. Also, please separate contractions, they're too informal for an encyclopedia.
  5. And please find a way to split up the bursa and Boss Gallo sentence.
  6. The Massacre: "The bursas arrived at the city once Gallo had found suitable nerfs to eat for the feast." I know it's the trigger for the attack, but in-universe, it probably isn't the case. Could you re-word it?
  7. Aftermath: the last sentence about Otoh Gunga, is it proper to say that it was built after the massacre? Gallo didn't talk about it until
    • I meant to say that building Otoh Gunga doesn't really belong here, as it doesn't happen until after the end of the war. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 00:35, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
      • What had happened there was I'd accidently removed the sentence before that which said that Gallo began to unite the Gungans and kill Rogoe, so now that bit should make more sense.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 10:49, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
  8. That's what I saw in my copy-edit. You have great initiative. Corellian PremierRobotechAll along the watchtower 01:34, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
Exiled Jedi
  • "The bursas destroyed everything in Otoh Sancture, leaving no Gungans alive. During the massacre, none of the Gungans knew why they had been attacked." I think that these two sentences should be reversed or combined into one to maintain chronological order.
  • "The massacre was also mentioned in multiple entries in The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia, a collection of everything Star Wars published in 2008." Right now it makes it cound like the Encyclopedia only included things from 2008. It also makes it sound like the Encyclopedia referenced everything about Star Wars up to that point, which was not the case. Maybe something like "...a 2008 reference book published by Del Rey."
  • You've made excellent progress on this article, I only wish more of our stubs got expanded by someone.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 18:56, August 8, 2012 (UTC)
  • In the Aftermath section, please mention that Marsune joined with Gallo.
  • Aren't there some worker glurrgs in Otoh Sancture when it was destroyed? They are not the same as Gungans, so please mention them separately in the infobox and the body.
  • In the intro, please make a quick mention of how Gallo discovered about Rogoe.
  • I think that's it, once you fix these I will support.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 03:49, August 18, 2012 (UTC)
Floyd
  • Articles should only be linked to once in the infobox.
  • Intro: "a series of conflicts between disagreeing Gungan people." What exactly were they disagreeing about?
  • ""Mesa people isa bein Destroyen!"" Are you sure that this capitalization is correct? I'm not familiar with Galactic Battlegrounds, so I don't know whether the dialog is text or not.
  • Intro: "He then retreated into the forests and discovered that Rogoe had destroyed his city," The way this is worded, it seems that Gallo was only now discovering that his city was destroyed. Maybe replace it with something like "discovered that Rogoe was behind the destruction of his city".
  • You have a strong tendency to "ing" verbs, which isn't really past tense. Please fix some of these cases, they're pretty widespread throughout the article.
  • Article for Gallo's army?
  • Aftermath: "After that meeting, Gallo built a small settlement and eventually raised an army large enough to defeat the bursas living in Otoh Sancture's remains." Article for the settlement?
  • Not bad for your first article. IFYLOFD (Floyd's crib) 22:23, August 20, 2012 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • In the infobox, is the strength canonically "unknown" or is this OOU? If it is not canonically established, please just use "Gungan civilians" etc. 1358 (Talk) 22:00, August 31, 2012 (UTC)
Cav
  • Close to the year 3,000 BBY, a massacre took place in the Gungan city of Otoh Sancture on the planet Naboo during the war between the Gungan tribes, a series of conflicts between the people of the amphibious Gungan race who had various issues with each other. The last part of the sentence doesn't scan correctly. It makes its sound like the series of conflicts were the Gungan tribes. Please rewrite for clarity.
  • However, this action concerned Boss Rogoe, the warlord who controlled the war, because he believed that if Gallo took a side in the war, Gallo would destroy him. Multiple repetitions of "war"; warlord, war, war. Please find alternate words where necessary to avoid repeating.
  • a 2008 reference book published by Del Rey about everything Star Wars. There's a lot that isn't in the CSWE. I would consider loosing the "about everything Star Wars." - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:30, September 4, 2012 (UTC)
    • Fixed those objections--Commander Code-8 (talk) 09:48, September 4, 2012 (UTC)
      • Good work. Just remember, though, that categories are alphabetized, and the {{Tl|DEFAULTSORT}} template goes before the cats, not after. - Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 08:15, September 12, 2012 (UTC)
Attack of the Clone
  • Before I review, regarding the naming of the article: since it's a conjectural name, I'm not sure if it's entirely correct to say that Otoh Sancture, a town, was "massacred," as "Otoh Sancture" mainly refers to the buildings and settlement itself and not the inhabitants, while "massacred" would normally be used to refer to the inhabitants themselves. Since the town itself was destroyed, I would suggest moving it to reflect that, i.e. "Destruction of Otoh Sancture." "Massacre in Otoh Sancture" might also work, but the former sounds more applicable and definitive. Please clarify. CC7567 (talk) 17:04, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
    • I definetly think that "Destruction of Otoh Sancture" is a better title but can you actually move an article while it's nominated for a status?--Commander Code-8 (talk) 22:34, September 14, 2012 (UTC)
      • Yes, it's fine. I can delete any unnecessary redirects once you've carried out the move. CC7567 (talk) 00:34, September 15, 2012 (UTC)
        • I've moved the page to the new title.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 01:28, September 15, 2012 (UTC)
          • That also means that you need to make sure that the article entirely reflects this new name—section titles, wording, everything. CC7567 (talk) 01:30, September 15, 2012 (UTC)
            • Already done that and hopefully haven't missed anything. I've even made sure articles linking to this one link to the correct title as well--Commander Code-8 (talk) 02:10, September 15, 2012 (UTC)
  • Please watch your apostrophe usage; there are some incorrect usages of "it's" in the additions you just made. CC7567 (talk) 02:10, September 15, 2012 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 20:30, October 7, 2012 (UTC)


  • No one may care but I just thought I'd say that this was a stub about a month ago.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 06:57, July 23, 2012 (UTC)
  • Hey quick question. How likely is it that this nom would be deleted like the Battle of Mos Espa nom? I'm a bit worried since it got removed while it had some supports.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 07:30, September 9, 2012 (UTC)
    • You don't have anything to worry about unless you have objections that you fail to address for a couple of weeks. You're fine right now.--Exiled Jedi Oldrepublic crest (Greetings) 14:12, September 9, 2012 (UTC)
  • Just better say that I will be on Wookieevacation until the end of September so I won't be able to adress any new objections that come out during that time. Note that all objections that aren't struck out are adressed so please don't start a vote to remove this nom since I've worked so hard on it.--Commander Code-8 (talk) 08:42, September 21, 2012 (UTC)
  • I was just going through Galactic Battlegrounds databank and Marsune's entry actually confirms that "Destruction of Otoh Sancture" is the official title. I've already taken away the conjecture template and rewritten some sentences so it fits.--Commander Code-8 To say hi, press 42 02:27, October 4, 2012 (UTC)
    • Nice find. If it's the canonical title, though, it should be used somewhere in the article body, too, not just the intro. Also, if "Destruction" is canonically capitalized, it's probably worth capitalizing in those "Behind the scenes" mentions, too. Menkooroo (talk) 03:21, October 4, 2012 (UTC)