Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Deeve

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Deeve

  • Nominated by: Skippy Farlstendoiro 14:02, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: I like when there's another source mentioning someone from Alliance Intelligence Reports. But not when there's too many, or when I don't own those sources.

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Very Deeve-ious of you. Menkooroo 01:07, July 19, 2010 (UTC)
    ACvote Grunny (talk) 10:00, August 8, 2010 (UTC)
  2. ACvote -- 1358 (Talk) 13:54, August 17, 2010 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 22:32, August 25, 2010 (UTC)
  4. ACvote CC7567 (talk) 23:31, September 4, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Comment below. (: --Tm_T (Talk) 17:58, September 5, 2010 (UTC)

Object

I hate cliffhangers!
  • p & t: "even if he had thought he had succeeded" --- kinda confusing, as it seems to imply a hypothetical. Did he think he had succeeded? If so, maybe "even though" would be better.
  • Annoying behavior: A-ha! NPOV! Unless the behavior was annoying to Deeve; if so, specify and all that jazz.
  • Since the bts talks about where he "first" appeared... surely you could say that he was later mentioned in Alliance Intelligence Reports?
  • This cliffhanger is too suspenseful!!! I demand his fate be addressed in FOTJ! Menkooroo 14:39, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
    • A real cliffhanger as he was on the edge of a mountain ·:P The narrator finished the story sayng that it was "A typical survey", say "one day like any other in his life". --Skippy Farlstendoiro 15:36, July 18, 2010 (UTC)
Blood Drive
  • P&T needs quote, not dialogue. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:02, July 28, 2010 (UTC)
    • Do you mean a quote template to present the two-liner, or a one-line quote? If the latte, would this suffice? --Skippy Farlstendoiro 04:15, July 29, 2010 (UTC)
      • I meant the former, which I see you've changed it to, but if you want to use the latter, that's fine. Chack Jadson (Talk) 22:19, August 3, 2010 (UTC)
Jujiggum
  • You should mention in the bio that on the first four planets on the survey they found nothing—right now this information is present only in the intro.
  • In the bio you make it sound as if Deeve's surveying mission was a continuous endeavor (ie. he would go survey eight systems, come back, then go survey another eight, etc.), whereas in the intro it sounds like it was just a one-time mission (at least as far as we know he only did this once). Which is correct?
  • Also, do we know for sure that they ever actually made it back to their starting point?
  • Why did he think Fav would be a threat to the Alliance?
    • "Following Deeve's report, Fav was a potential threat to Rebel scouts due to her penchant for following Alliance scouts and, as a consequence, compromising the safeworlds they discovered." Check your wording here. According to what this says, Fav was a potential threat until only after Deeve made his report, which doesn't make sense.
  • "A strange local" is POV-sounding and also infers someone sentient; which, judging by what you say in the bio, may not be the case
  • No mentions of his fears in the P&T? Or his tracking skills? Or his preference to talk with Jarsa rather than Effcee? Or his reaction when confronted by some strange creature?
  • Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 02:29, August 9, 2010 (UTC)
  • "learned scouting and tracking skills on Arporatal-Lanin and became a scout." There are different kinds of scouts (i.e. military/navy, galactic explorers, planetary explorers, etc.). Could you be slightly more specific here which kind he is?
    • OS doesn't specify. He explored at least one planet, but as far as we know, he might have specialized in another area. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:40, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
  • Chronology's slightly confusing: in the intro, you imply that he was a Lieutenant before he found Apliria, but in the bio you mention that he found Apliria and then went on to become a Lieutenant.
  • "Fav was a potential threat to Rebel scouts due to her penchant for following Alliance scouts and…" Could you reword this so it's a little less repetative with the "scouts".
  • Also, what kind of scout was Fav? Just another explorer?
    • Expanded as much as OS allows. Fav is the kind of scout your gamemaster wants her to be. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:40, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
  • " If they could find at least one useful world, then they would obtain a profit from the mission." This seems out of place. Please see if you can reword it to sound less like it's talking about a potential future possibility, and more as a description of the mission objective.
  • Please change one of the "effective"s in the second sentence of the P&T.
  • "Deeve disliked talking with Effcee, whom he found to be a nuisance, and would rather converse with the organic Jarsa." Perhaps you should mention this sooner, so that it makes more sense that he would want to try and reprogram Effcee. Also, why don't you mention the fact that he tried to reprogram the droid in the bio?
    • P&T: Mentioned sooner, but I liked it better when the paragraph was a list of his skills with details on one of them.--Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:40, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
    • Added to bio: He tried to reprogram Effcee. --Skippy Farlstendoiro 10:40, August 22, 2010 (UTC)
  • "on at least one occasion, he reacted by attacking such an entity with his weapons." The way I understand what you have written in the bio, he didn't actually attack it; he just fired near it, which sounds more like trying to scare it away than actually attacking it. Jonjedigrandmaster (Talk) 19:05, August 21, 2010 (UTC)
Xd1358
  • Intro: "..discovering the safe world Apliria.." You mean that he found it, and it then became a safe world? If so, please reword. I'm not familiar with this safe world concept, so if I'm wrong, ignore me. :P
  • Third bio paragraph: Don't you think something like "In 1 ABY, after being promoted to lieutenant, Deeve also.." That would explain his rank. However, if you feel that the current version is better, I will strike the objection.
  • "After the climb, he contacted the ship.." He contacted the ship? I guess ships can't talk. :P I think something like "the crew of the ship" would be better.
  • "..and calling the ship again.." Same issue as above.
  • I've made some tweaks; see if you approve them. -- 1358 (Talk) 07:56, August 14, 2010 (UTC)
Edge of 17
  • "he still retained other awes as an adult." Awes doesn't really work here; I would have changed it to fear but that word was used early in the sentence.
  • "Following Deeve's report, Fav was a potential threat". Could this be changed to "because of Deeve's report" which would flow better. Chack Jadson (Talk) 17:47, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 18:01, September 5, 2010 (UTC)


  • Striking my vote until I get a chance to read it again, as the article has changed too much in wording since I read it for me to be comfortable supporting until I have re-reviewed it. Grunny (talk) 00:09, August 20, 2010 (UTC)
  • Would like to see who was the author of his first appearance in Bts if available, this is not worth objection though. (: --Tm_T (Talk) 17:58, September 5, 2010 (UTC)