Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Deadeye Duncan

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Deadeye Duncan

  • Nominated by: Exiledjedi 23:52, February 27, 2011 (UTC)
  • Nomination Comments: Maybe Deadeye Duncan can win at something.

(3 ACs/6 Users/9 Total)

Support

  1. Looks good. You've demonstrated an excellent work ethic and wonderful patience during this process. Bravo, and I hope to see more from you in the future. :) Menkooroo 06:24, April 14, 2011 (UTC)
  2. ACvote—Tommy 9281 Friday, April 15, 2011, 02:51 UTC
  3. ACvote Kilson(Let's have a chat) 22:04, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
  4. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 18:28, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
  5. All the praise Menkooroo said +1. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 20:23, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
  6. OLIOSTER (talk) 11:27, April 22, 2011 (UTC)
  7. Deadeye Bob supports. ~SavageBOB sig 01:10, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
  8. Just please don't do that again. Good work. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 02:59, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
  9. ACvote Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:20, May 3, 2011 (UTC)

Object

Naru

Please familiarize yourself with the GA requirements. The article needs sourcing, the Bts is done incorrectly, and it needs a P&T, just to name a few things. Look at other character GAs for a model. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 00:04, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

  • I sourced the article and added a personality and traits section. I'm not sure how to go about fixing the behind the scenes section. I would also like to know if the article needs more sourcing. If you have anymore objections, I would be glad to hear from you. Thank you for your help in improving this article.--Exiledjedi 03:54, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'm going to refrain from a full review because I repectfully disagree with Holo. I'm not a good teacher, and I can't give you good didactic criticism that will move this nom along. However, I leave you with the advise to not give the article a single edit before placing it here. It is virtually impossible to pump out a Good Article with only one minor revision; that goes for the most experienced editors and especially if you're new. Furthermore, and quite frankly, I don't think this page should accomodate those who do so in ignorance. That said, I wish you luck. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 03:36, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
      • Thank you for your help Naru and thank you for the advise.--Exiledjedi 05:03, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • The article does need to include details about the cut content. Source the information as I've provided below. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 20:13, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
    • I added the cut content back into the behind the scenes, but I did not put the YouTube link back because the editor warned me that it should not be done.--Exiledjedi 23:42, March 9, 2011 (UTC)
      • The Youtube link should be added in this exceptional instance. Not everyone can peruse the DLG files so the link is included as a courtesy to the readers. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 08:03, March 12, 2011 (UTC)
Holocron
  • With references, only the first needs to be the full version. From then on you can use {{Ref|<ref name="kotor"> }}. The {{Ref}} tag only needs to be used in to infobox, outside of that, you should use <ref name="kotor" />. The Sourcing guide says it more clealy than I do.
    • I think I fixed the sourcing, but I'm not sure.--Exiledjedi 12:30, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Context on Taris, Ajurr (his profession should work), Malak, Revan and Two Fingers (mention his injury).
    • I added some background information on the events.--Exiledjedi 23:31, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • "Duncan was thought to have been killed, along with the rest of the inhabitants of Taris, though rumors circulated of his survival in the aftermath." Generally we try to avoid that sort of "his fate was unknown" sentence.
    • It's removed.--Exiledjedi 12:30, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
    • I removed that section from the behind the scenes section since I could find no concrete eveidence that it was cut content. The only hits on this topic were on forum boards talking about it as a mod.--Exiledjedi 22:50, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • 'Him' used where 'his' seems more appropriate twice in the second paragraph of the biography.
  • Information from the CSWE needs to be in the article and sourced. If you don't have that book, make a request here.
    • I added and sourced the new information.--Exiledjedi 23:14, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • For anything that may or may not have happened, specifically Revan fighting him, game mechanics tags need to be added. I've put them in this time, but there's still information in the paragraph above them which should be put in those tags.
    • I added the game mechanics tag in one place, but I'm not sure if I put it everywhere it needs to be--Exiledjedi 13:31, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • More later, perhaps. Holocron Greatholocron (Complain) 06:27, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
    • I'll support this once the other objections have been resolved. Holocron Greatholocron (Complain) 03:34, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
Ecks Dee
  • Speculation in the infobox.
    • Speculation removed.--Exiledjedi 22:59, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • P&T section heading improperly capitalized.
  • The year mentioned in the intro belongs in the body, too.
    • Added the year in the body of the article.--Exiledjedi 13:32, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

1358 (Talk) 12:43, February 28, 2011 (UTC)

Tm_Tdumtidum
  • Quickies:
  • Latter paragraph in P&t section is currently more a description of game mechanics than IU prose.
    • I hope it is better now.--Exiledjedi 16:46, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
      • Getting there, will re-check it with fresh eyes later. –Tm_T (Talk) 18:36, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • The end of Biography section sounds speculation: "was thought to have been killed" ..also who thought so?
    • This information was just some speculation that I forgot to remove from the article.--Exiledjedi 16:46, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
      • But now the destruction of Taris is mentioned only in the Intro... –Tm_T (Talk) 18:36, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
        • Added it in the main part of the article.--Exiledjedi 00:18, March 2, 2011 (UTC)

–Tm_T (Talk) 07:00, March 1, 2011 (UTC)

  • Bts doesn't mention CSWE at all, you should mention what it does say about Duncan.
    • Information added.--Exiledjedi 00:18, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
  • You mention and link certain year twice in the Bio, reword the latter appearance.
    • It's Fixed.--Exiledjedi 00:18, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
  • Also, source the year, the game isn't one.
    • Source added. The New Essential Chronology provides the date on the Destruction of Taris as 3956 BBY which occurs in the video game when Deadeye Duncan is part of the story.--Exiledjedi 00:18, March 2, 2011 (UTC)
      • You might like to move the reference right after the year, and reference the rest around it to the game or such. –Tm_T (Talk) 21:01, March 17, 2011 (UTC)
  • More later, improving nicely. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 18:36, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
    • Forgot to mention, see what I did. (; –Tm_T (Talk) 18:37, March 1, 2011 (UTC)
  • In History section, you mention Destruction of Taris (yup, missing link there) and reintroduce it (with year) in the following sentence, see if you can combine these. –Tm_T (Talk) 21:01, March 17, 2011 (UTC)
    • Is it any better now?--Exiledjedi 22:21, March 17, 2011 (UTC)
  • One last objectionish, the quote attribution in the bio section is rather, well, lenghty, try if it would work in some less verbose form. (: –Tm_T (Talk) 18:40, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
    • I shortened it somewhat.--Exiledjedi 20:10, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
      • Hmm, do the "another fan" need to be mentioned at all? I don't see it adding any value, or "before a duel..." bit anyway. What do you think? –Tm_T (Talk) 20:18, April 21, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ
Ecks Dee, part II
  • The introduction could probably use some small expansion; currently it says next to nothing what he does. 1358 (Talk) 17:35, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
    • Any suggestions on what to add to the introduction? Most of what he does is dependent on what the player did in the video game, so it cannot be added to the introduction.--Exiledjedi 17:43, March 19, 2011 (UTC)
      • We generally assume that Revan more or less "did everything" during his journey, so add that he fought Revan in the dueling ring. OLIOSTER (talk) 09:25, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
        • Thanks Olioster. I added some information to the introduction.--Exiledjedi 14:27, March 20, 2011 (UTC)
Deadeye Dunkin Donuts
  • Hey there! A really important thing to remember about writing articles: The intro functions separately from the rest of the article. It's effectively not a part of the article itself, but rather a summary of everything below it (the article). As such, the biography should be led the same way as the intro and establish the same info --- ie, "Deadeye Duncan was a Human male..." Everything that's been introduced, linked, and given context in the intro needs to undergo the same treatment in the bio. The bio is a whole new beginning from the intro; there should never be any info that's intro-exclusive.
    • Please let me know if I need to add anything else.--Exiledjedi 18:28, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • Be careful not to speculate --- "which was likely because..." as obvious as this seems, it's still speculation and should probably be left out. The info about him losing fifty-four consecutive matches is right there, so the reader can probably work the connection out themselves.
    • Removed speculation.--Exiledjedi 18:28, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • Can you keep the chronology chronological? Ie, put the stuff in the bio about the destruction of Taris at the very end (after the game completion template)?
    • The mention of the Destruction of Taris was just to identify when Duncan lost the match to Gerlon. The duel with Gerlon happened before the duel with Revan would have happened, so it would be best not to move it after the game mechanics because that would mess up the chronological order. Please let me know if it should still be moved as soon as you can.--Exiledjedi 18:28, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
      • The problem with saying something like "He dueled Gerlon just before Malak bombarded the planet" is that that's not the best point in the article to introduce the bombardment and give context on it --- it kind of reads like it assumes a pre-existing knowledge of the incident, and it distracts a bit from the subject at hand. I have a suggestion: Changing it to say "after the Sith Lord Darth Malak attacked the Republic warship Endar Spire above the planet" or something might be a better idea. It would be chronologically okay AND it would give a nice timeframe for the duel with Gerlon! :)
        • All right I did as you suggested. Thank for giving me the suggestion, I was not sure how to narrow down the time frame another way until your suggestion.--Exiledjedi 04:20, March 26, 2011 (UTC)
  • Are there any more quotes that can be used in the article? Something by Ajuur about beating Duncan not being an accomplishment; any other words spoken by Duncan --- there's gotta be something. Menkooroo 18:11, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • I added a couple of quotes. and I believe I was mistaken about Ajuur the Hutt saying beating Duncan was not an accomplishment, it was the Taris dueling announcer, so I fixed that.--Exiledjedi 22:57, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
      • Good stuff! However, quotes should only fall at the beginning of sections. The game mechanics template doesn't count as a "section," so that quote by the dueling ring announcer has gotta go.
        • I made the biography section into two subsections in the hope that I could keep the quote but if this is not right I can change it back. I like this line, but if it still has to go, it will.--Exiledjedi 04:20, March 26, 2011 (UTC)
          • Yeah, the bio isn't really long enough to warrant two subsections. I'd recommend keeping it at one.
            • I fixed it.--Exiledjedi 20:10, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • I don't know if there's enough info in "Physical appearance" to warrant its own subsection. It might be better to just include that in the main section of "Personality and traits" and not do any subsectioning there. Menkooroo 03:54, March 26, 2011 (UTC)
    • Is it better now or should I give it some more work?--Exiledjedi 04:20, March 26, 2011 (UTC)
      • Yeah, definitely better. I'd recommend keeping it all within one paragraph, though, as there's not very much info in total. Menkooroo 08:30, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
        • Is this better?--Exiledjedi 20:10, March 29, 2011 (UTC)
  • Sorry it took me so long to get back to this. A few more: In the bio, I recommend calling him by his full name on the first mention and then sticking with simply "Duncan" throughout the rest of the bio, similar to how you do it in Personality and traits. No need to use the full name every time he's mentioned.
    • Is this better?--Exiledjedi 15:38, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • There's currently some info that's in the intro but not the rest of the article --- that is, the stuff about Malak bombaring the planet. However, as I'm the one who advised you to remove that info from the bio, I also recommend removing it from the intro! :D It's not really important info; if you concluded that sentence with "owned by Ajuur the Hutt." and then went right onto "During that year," it would be better and more focused on Duncan, methinks.
  • The short paragraphs in Behind the scenes should be combined into longer paragraphs. Short, one-sentence paragraphs should be avoided in general. The paragraph about a picture of him being in the strategy guide could go entirely; it isn't really noteworthy and doesn't give any information that the "Sources" section doesn't already give. For chronology's sake, the bit about The Complete Star Wars Encyclopedia might fit better at the end of bts (give it a whirl and see if you like it; if not, that's fine).
    • I hope its better now.--Exiledjedi 15:38, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • Also, is there anything from the youtube video of him on Manaan that you could use as a leading quote for Behind the scenes?
    • I put a quote into the behind the scenes, which I placed in a cut content section I created. I got the idea from the Miltin Takel article which did the same thing and is a featured article.--Exiledjedi 15:58, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
  • All from me! Good job. :) Menkooroo 07:38, April 12, 2011 (UTC)
Twin
  • If there is no article for Tarisian duelist, please create one.
    • I'm working on an article, but it is not finished yet.--Exiledjedi 23:14, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • The second paragraph is literally one long cumbersome sentence. Please rectify.
    • I think I got the correct paragraph.--Exiledjedi 23:14, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
  • There's a decent amount of linking issues. Please rectify.—Tommy 9281 Saturday, April 9, 2011, 16:46 UTC
    • Is this any better?--Exiledjedi 23:14, April 9, 2011 (UTC)
Kilson
  • "As of 3956 BBY, Duncan's hair was mostly gray." I'd hate to be nitpicky about hair color, but you need to mention his hair had black in it as well. Also put that in the infobox.
    • I had wondered about this. Thank you for bringing it up. I added the neccessary information--Exiledjedi 15:42, April 18, 2011 (UTC)
  • Can you use {{CSWECite}} for the CSWE source item?
    • I think I used it correctly now.--Exiledjedi 22:04, April 19, 2011 (UTC)
  • That's all I got. Nice job. Kilson(Let's have a chat) 06:15, April 18, 2011 (UTC)
QGJ again
  • Soon afterward, Duncan lost his fifty-fourth consecutive match against a maimed but formerly excellent duelist named Gerlon Two-Fingers; he dropped his blaster when the match began. It's a bit unclear as to whom "he" in the last part of the sentence refers to. QuiGonJinn Senate seal(Talk) 09:27, April 20, 2011 (UTC)
The Return of Naru
  • "After being defeated by the "Mysterious Stranger," Duncan was ranked sixth among the duelists in the ring, which was still the last place among the competitors." This needs a reference.
    • How is this?--Exiledjedi 01:58, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • "a below average duelist who competed in a dueling ring owned by Ajuur the Hutt." This phrase is used almost verbatim in the intro and BTS. Please reword one instance of it.
    • I changed the intro.--Exiledjedi 01:58, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
  • "before Revan defeated the duelists Gerlon Two-Fingers, Ice, Marl, and the ring champion, Twitch." Listing Revan's triumphs doesn't seem relevant to Duncan. Simply saying that he went on to become the duelist champion would probably be better.
  • "Duncan also did not think it was fair for other duelists to have great abilities while he had such meager abilities" Rephrase the double word
  • In the BTS, the first paragraph in present tense and the cut content section is in past tense. Pick one and use it for both. NaruHina Talk Anakinsolo 18:00, April 24, 2011 (UTC)
    • Changed first paragraph to past tense.--Exiledjedi 01:58, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
Toprawa
  • Can you please confirm for me that you've taken the articles quotes directly verbatim from the game's dialogue files? Because there are minor punctuation bits within that I'm curious about. If the dialogue files present the quotes like this exactly, then you're fine. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:30, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • I took the quotes word for word off the screen, but thanks for mentioning this because I did make one punctuation mistake, which I have now fixed.--Exiledjedi 20:52, April 25, 2011 (UTC)
      • Your change was good, and I would have been satisfied, but I now have some questions about changes made by others since that time. So I'm hoping to discuss this with that editor over IRC, ideally, before supporting this nom. Toprawa and Ralltiir 18:38, April 27, 2011 (UTC)
        • I regret I was unable to reach Olioster to discuss the use of the mdash and ellipses coding for the article's quotes, and I think it's unfair to continue to hold this nomination up on that. Since other articles have previously taken the liberty of using our policy-based punctuation coding in favor of the straight source punctuation (since, practically speaking, it really doesn't make a difference), I've gone ahead and replaced them for now. If Olioster or anyone wants to discuss this once this article reaches GA status, we can continue to do so. Toprawa and Ralltiir 19:20, May 3, 2011 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 19:20, May 3, 2011 (UTC)


  • While this article needs more work than most GAN's, I think it's good enough to review. Holocron Greatholocron (Complain) 06:27, February 28, 2011 (UTC)
  • Not sure if this has been mentioned yet, but any information in the infobox needs to be mentioned in the article, specifically his eye and hair color. List it somewhere in the Personality and traits section and be sure to link colors and body parts (like eye) when possible. OLIOSTER (talk) 23:51, March 25, 2011 (UTC)
    • I added the information.--Exiledjedi 00:15, March 26, 2011 (UTC)