Wookieepedia:Good article nominations/Darth Bandon (second nomination)

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The following discussion is preserved as an archive of a good article nomination that was successful. Please do not modify it.

Darth Bandon

  • Nominated by: -- Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:28, 16 March 2009 (UTC)
  • Nomination comments: Again, Bandon should join his Master as a GA.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:28, 16 March 2009 (UTC)

(3 ACs/2 Users/5 Total)

Support

  1. Cool dude, kind of went down too easy in the game though. Kilson Likes PIE 15:15, 18 March 09 (UTC)
  2. Inqvote All my pre-nom objections were addressed satisfactorily by a young Jedi named Kasra.—Tommy Dark side Master SWGTCG (Nine two eight one) 16:28, 1 April 2009 (UTC)
  3. ACvote Cylka-talk- 18:45, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. CC7567 (talk) 02:17, 24 April 2009 (UTC)
  5. ACvote Cavalier OneFarStar(Squadron channel) 09:06, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Object

  1. Kilson's thoughts
    • You should put in that Revan found the fourth star map on either Tatooine, Kashyyyk, Korriban, or Manaan in the Search for Bastilla and downfall subsection.
      • The BTS section explains this.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
    • You should explain more about how Bastilla saved Revan and why he was on the Endar Spire during the battle.
    • If at all possible, you should find a picture of Malak assigning Bandon to track down Bastilla for the Search for Bastilla and downfall subsection.
      • There aren't any pictures of this, and I have no idea how to upload an image, so.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:52, 18 March 2009 (UTC)
    • You should give more context on the Star Forge and its relation to Malak and Revan earlier on in the bio.
    • You should also explain more about Revan's search for the Star Forge.
    • Address these and I'll take another look. Overall, it's a pretty good article, just needs a bit more information.:-) Kilson Likes PIE 18:04, 17 March 09 (UTC)
  2. Cylka:
    • A bit of context about the Jedi Civil War is needed in the intro.
      • Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
        • More is needed besides stating who initiated the war. What exactly was the war about?
    • I believe that the Jedi were interested in capturing Revan only. Please double check this and then change the article as appropriate.
      • Malak's entry in the databank states that the trap was for both him ad Revan.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
        • This may be something to include in the Bts then - How there is a discrepancy in the sources. Many sources, such as the CG, game, and others, state that the trap was for Revan alone.
          • True, but the game's loading screens also say "More than 2 years into the Sith war, the Jedi set a trap for Revan and Malak. Only Malak escaped."--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:33, 31 March 2009 (UTC)
    • I haven't seen any sources that use the term assassin in association with Bandon. Please check this and change if necessary.
      • Changed it.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:02, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
      • Problem is, no sources exist that list him as a Jedi hunter, either.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:15, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
    • When the Sith attacked the Jedi Knight Bastila Shan's ship, the Endar Spire, above the planet Taris, he boarded the ship with the Sith troops and Dark Jedi under his command, killing the Republic soldier Trask Ulgo. - Information in this sentence needs a bit more context. Why did they board Shan's ship? What did killing Ulgo have to do with anything?
      • Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
        • You still need to add in why the Sith would attack and board her ship in the first place.
    • Sometime after the destruction of Taris, the bounty hunter Calo Nord, who had been sent by Malak to capture Shan, was slain by a reconditioned Revan, who had in fact survived his apprentice's betrayal. Darth Malak then dispatched Bandon to find and capture Shan. - Same with these sentences. What does the destruction of Taris have to do with anything? How does Nord fit into all of this? Why was Bandon then dispatched to find Shan?
      • Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
        • Some information needs to be added in explaining that the survivors of the Endar Spire attack landed on Taris.
    • You need to connect the Star Maps to the Star Forge a bit more clearly.
    • as Revan and his team vanquished Malak's Shadow Hand, along with his Dark Jedi. - You need to identify Bandon as Malak's Shadow Hand much earlier in the intro. Also you need to make clear that the Dark Jedi accompanied Bandon in his search for Shan.
    • You need to make clear that Revan and Malak began the Jedi Civil War in the first section of the article.
    • In the tradition of the Sith Order, Malak sought a single learner among his followers to become his official apprentice, someone that could learn the Sith secrets and use them effectively to destroy the Jedi and Republic - I believe that it would be better if this sentence was placed after the capture of Revan, since Malak doesn't take him as an apprentice until after Revan is captured.
    • You need to give some kind of set up for the Raiding the Endar Spire section. The reader has no idea why the location of Shan was important to Malak.
    • Revan, who had been rescued by Shan after Malak betrayed him and mind-wiped by the Jedi Council, was placed under Shan's command as a common Republic soldier - This needs a bit more context.
    • When he and a Republic ensign named Trask Ulgo were attempting to reach the ship's escape pods, they ran into Bandon. - There isn't much set up for this sentence either.
      • Taken care of.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 20:45, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
        • Why were they rushing for the escape pods? Cylka-talk- 09:50, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
    • After Malak was told by the Sith Admiral Saul Karath of the bounty hunter Calo Nord's failure to capture Bastila Shan - Again there isn't any set up to this.
    • Bandon seemed to hold contempt for those not Force-sensitive, especially the bounty hunter Calo Nord. Before Bandon fought Revan, he had a brief conversation with the redeemed Jedi, calling Nord "pathetic". - This seems kind of speculative. I'm not sure you can connect one to the other.
    • I think that you should explain why four Star maps are needed a bit more, in the Bts. This may be a bit confusing for people who haven't played the game. We always strive to write as if the reader knows almost nothing about the subject.
    • The source list is out of order. Please take care of this.
    • Please take care of these objections, and I will look over the article again. Cylka-talk- 14:06, 24 March 2009 (UTC)
  3. Cylka, round two:
    • Context is needed in the intro and article proper as to what a Shadow hand is.
    • Both in the introduction you need to add in how the survivors of the attack on the Endar Spire landed on Taris, and how Malak ordered a blockade on the planet in order to look for Shan. This will give some context for why the planet was bombarded and Calo Nord's escape.
    • In the year 3,959 BBY, the former Jedi Knights Revan and Malak, who were the heroes of the Mandalorian Wars, found an ancient Rakatan spacestation called the Star Forge, and named themselves the new Dark Lords of the Sith - What does one have to do with the other? Please explain this. Also, what is the Star Forge. I added in a little bit more explanation in the introduction, but please expand on this in the article body.
    • When Malak learned of Shan's location on the Republic warship Endar Spire above the planet Taris, Bandon led the boarding party that stormed her ship. - The first part of the sentence talks about Malak, but the second part starts with Bandon. This needs to be cleared up. Malak learned of their location, and had the Sith pretty much ambush the Spire.
    • As for some more context, it might be a good idea to add in the Nord was the one that revealed that Revan was still alive. Also, you could ad in that Saul Karath was a traitor to the Republic.
    • Revan, who had been retrained in the Jedi ways and commissioned by the Dantooine Jedi Council to find the Star Forge, - This needs a bit more explanation.
    • Was anything else said during the final confrontation between Revan and Bandon? Bandon only shows up three times in the game, so add in as many details as you can.
    • Please take care of these objections, and the previous objections. The information regarding Bandon is basically complete, but more context is needed in regards to the surrounding circumstances. Cylka-talk- 09:50, 28 March 2009 (UTC)
    • I have one last objection. I have come to believe that the introduction is too long for the length of the article. Specifically, I don't think all of the context surrounding Revan is needed, as well as Calo Nord's context. I feel that you could probably trim the intro down to three paragraphs, instead of those four. Cylka-talk- 19:49, 4 April 2009 (UTC)
      • Does this mean that the context on Revan having been rescued by Shan and being placed under her command isn't needed? At any rate, it's three paragraphs now.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 15:01, 6 April 2009 (UTC)
        • I took out a bit of unneeded context in the introduction to slim it down a bit.
    • Sorry, but in the midst of earlier editing, some information has now gone missing. Context on why Malak ordered the destruction of Taris is needed in the article body. Also, please be careful about linking to articles. You want to make sure that you have the proper link written in the article, and not a redirect link. Furthermore, in the articles, try to make sure that everything possible is linked. I noticed that many links were removed. Cylka-talk- 02:33, 8 April 2009 (UTC)
      • I added why Malak ordered Taris' destruction. I also linked everything that could possibly be linked to, like Death or Force Immunity.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 14:26, 9 April 2009 (UTC)
      • I added a few more Force powers to Bandon's article.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:39, 15 April 2009 (UTC)
  4. Cloning around
    • Try to avoid using "who" too extensively; it causes a new (and sometimes excessive) thought to start.
    • The first sentence of the intro is just a slight run-on; I didn't change it because it would require rewording, and I'm not sure how you would want to change it. Possibly to "...defected to the Sith Empire, during the Jedi Civil War, the war initiated..." It doesn't have to reworded to that, but I would suggest rewording it.
    • I recommend trying to avoid using "then" where you can; it gives an excessive sense of chronology.
    • A question: why is it "matériel"? I was going to change it to "material", but it seems that because of the different spelling, it needs to be there. Please clarify for me.
      • "Matériel" is a term used in English that refers to military equipment and supplies. Here's a couple links for it: Materiel, Materiel. Cheers.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:43, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
    • "a relic of the Infinite Empire of the Rakata, who had ruled the galaxy nearly 20,000 years before": the "of" and the "who" deviate from the sentence flow, even between dashes; please reword. If "who" is going to be used, then it can be said who (or what) the Rakata were.
    • In the second paragraph of the section "Jedi Civil War", can the mention of Malak being Revan's Sith Master moved to somewhere earlier? Up until now, it sounded like they were equal Sith Lords, and mentioning it now sounds like it changed right before the Jedi and the Republic set the trap. If that was the case, please clarify.
    • "Bandon's strength with the dark side of the Force enabled him to use dark-sided powers such as Force lightning, and he also used the dark side to tap into his rage and direct it against his opponents. He could also use the Force..." One of the "also"'s needs to go.
    • "having it act like a fast-acting toxin." "Having it act" should be changed to something less grammatically awkward, perhaps to "using it as".
    • "In the Xbox version of the game, Bandon's double-bladed lightsaber appears to have some unusual properties that set it apart from other lightsabers. When certain crystals are added to Bandon's blade, their effects were different than they were on standard lightsabers." Switching between present and past tenses; please correct.
      • Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:38, 21 April 2009 (UTC)
        • Actually, it sounded better in present tense, and only the "their effects were" had to be corrected. I've changed this back. CC7567 (talk) 00:02, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Article looks mighty fine otherwise. CC7567 20px-Rex.png (talk) 02:35, 18 April 2009 (UTC)
    • Few more things:
      • Manaan needs context in the Bts.
        • Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
          • Can "Wookiee homeworld" be changed to anything else? Since you already said "Selkath homeworld", it's redundant. CC7567 (talk) 00:18, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
            • Fixed. Changed to "forest world".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:11, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
      • "Bandon and Revan fought, but despite the Sith apprentice's skill, he, and his Dark Jedi, were struck down by the former Sith Lord and his companions." When saying "Sith apprentice", it is confusing as to who this applies to; the case is the same with "Dark Jedi". I would recommend trying to stick with names (or extremely direct alternatives). Also, the second part of the sentence is extremely confusing. By the end of the sentence, there are more than three people involved, despite the sentence only beginning with two.
        • Addressed.--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:00, 22 April 2009 (UTC)
          • Which "Dark Jedi" is this? CC7567 (talk) 00:18, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
            • Fixed. Changed to "and the two Dark Jedi he brought with him".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 16:11, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
            • And I just changed that to "and the two Dark Jedi assisting him".--Jedi Kasra (talk) 17:25, 23 April 2009 (UTC)
      • CC7567 (talk) 00:02, 22 April 2009 (UTC)

Comments

Approved as a Good article by AgriCorps 09:06, 7 May 2009 (UTC)